I have something I need to ask from my Buddha so "we" compensate by me doing a good deed for someone else as a "thanks in advance".
First, I was forced to buy an umbrella since it was raining heavily and I really had to get home. That's what Daiso store is for, I spent $2 SGD buying a kinda crap one but who cares.
Then it came to me, wouldn't it be nice and "kinda" romantic to give it away? It's raining cats and dogs and someone could be needing an umbrella like hell now. You know, the world is oh so full of love, I should be a part of it.
Alright then, when I arrived the apartments I looked around for my potential target just like a prostitute hunting for a rich man, then he completely caught my eyes...
He is, an aging Chinese uncle waiting under the shelter with lots of boxes and bags, I thought, isn't this the perfect moment for us, god wanted this to happen, the rain, the umbrella, it's all staged, I see it so clearly now!
I walked to him with the warmest smile ever and said if he wanted to go somewhere, he can take my umbrella.
Like Rihanna once said and I quote, "ella, ella, eh, eh, eh".
He politely rejected me but Reader's Digest once said "try again before giving up" so there. I said to him, "uncle, it's okay, if you want to go somewhere you can take my umbrella, it's only 2 dollars and it's brand new."
He politely rejected me again, alright, no point asking a man for the same thing thrice so I left.
... but then it came to me, urr... maybe I said it in such a straight-forward way he might have thought I was trying to "sell him" my umbr-ella!
Look at the keywords, "only 2 dollars", "brand new", that's how people do business here.
Even I thought I was trying to sell myself the umbr-ella!
Fine fine, god will know my intention was good and I was not selling it.
I REALLY wanted to give the umbr-ella away as I have two already and the most important thing, someone else needed it that moment while I didn't. I told him "it's only 2 dollars" means it's no biggies, I don't mind giving it to someone else.
So the day goes on without a chance, until while I was at a bus stop waiting for a bus, an aging aunty asked me for direction to go to the "Kwan Im Tong" temple.
I directed her and got her into a bus, then I sort of realised she would alight at a different place... Though close to her destination but different than where I was directing her...
How stupid can I be! That's it, this good deed thing has to stop.
Just when I thought my day is coming to an end, I finally managed to do a good deed, although tiny but makes me happy.
You see, dear god, I am actually pretty kind.
Friday, 18 September 2009
Tuesday, 25 August 2009
The Dates on the Web
I am thinking, since Internet love is getting serious, I should start an online chapel.
It's like an advanced step, specially created and designed for people who want to take their Internet relationship to the next step.
You just log in, choose among the different pastors, type in your names and click "I do", then you're virtually married.
You can marry as many people as you want without having to be a Muslim, marry any gender you want without having to be a bisexual, marrying an underage teenager without being accused to be a paedophile.
... or even appear to be Bill Clinton, nobody knows, nobody cares.
You can even be married in real life and on the Internet as well, your real wife and virtual wives don't have to know about one another.
Guess what, the best thing is, you don't even have to be in love!
Nobody will tell your story on dontdatehimgirl.com, no one will add you to their Enemybook application on Facebook, you won't get arrested as well for polygamy, but a friendly advice, try to prevent your companions from finding out about one another.
... and no matter how long have you been virtually married, if you have never had any physical contact with anyone, you remain a virgin and your sex organ won't hurt from the excessive virtual sex with different people.
You don't have to worry if you find difficulties meeting people online, we provide match-making service. Don't have to worry as well if you are an Internet relationship newbie, we do provide slick lines to help you to support your love point. Here's a preview:
1. You are so beautiful.
2. I love you, I really do.
3. I can't live, if living is without you.
4. I wanna touch you and kiss you so much.
5. If I could be with you I'd make love to you every night.
6. I cannot do anything at work today, I cannot stop thinking about you, my life is a mess.
7. I cannot wait to see you for real, hold you in my arms and tell you, "hey, this is me, from the monitor, for real..."
And to support your slick lines, we also do provide a lot of stupid emoticons for you to get physical with your online love interest, oh remember the time when you kissed, hugged and even had sex for the very first time, virtually?
Oh, sex on the Internet, which is actually rather vegetarian but we made it carnivore. You don't have sex with your organs but words. You could have sex with guy A now, guy B later or even a gang bang and yet, you maintain your virginity, how amazing is that?
Spice up your virtual sex life too by purchasing virtual revealing lingeries. We do respect the religious people as well by selling non-revealing-casual-long-sleeves-long-pants-like lingeries, for our service, no one gets offended or hurt.
Also, to protect yourself, you can download this plug-in for WLM, which in order to help preventing your online husbands/wives screen-capturing your naked body or self-help acts for future abuse.
The divorce is easy, just click "yes" when a dialogue that says "Are you sure?" appears. You will then see a dialogue which says "Congratulations, you are now succesfully divorced with __________. Click 'cancel' if you do not wish to meet more possible future wives at the moment."
No lawyers, no courts, no prenups, even better, no trojans.
For our service you can marry anyone you want, for our service you can strip yourself bare in front of any webcams, for our service you can divorce and remarry anytime, for our service we guarantee your satisfaction.
Lifetime membership, register now for a 30% discount, 3-day free trial, a limited period only.
... and if, my business grows, perhaps I can start thinking of a virtual honeymoon spots or pet/child adoption service for the Internet couples.
Are you not even tempted?
(Tip: For those who aged between 14 to 18, to get married, you need to enter the verification code. To skip this, simply go to options>personal settings and change your year of birth!)
It's like an advanced step, specially created and designed for people who want to take their Internet relationship to the next step.
You just log in, choose among the different pastors, type in your names and click "I do", then you're virtually married.
You can marry as many people as you want without having to be a Muslim, marry any gender you want without having to be a bisexual, marrying an underage teenager without being accused to be a paedophile.
... or even appear to be Bill Clinton, nobody knows, nobody cares.
You can even be married in real life and on the Internet as well, your real wife and virtual wives don't have to know about one another.
Guess what, the best thing is, you don't even have to be in love!
Nobody will tell your story on dontdatehimgirl.com, no one will add you to their Enemybook application on Facebook, you won't get arrested as well for polygamy, but a friendly advice, try to prevent your companions from finding out about one another.
... and no matter how long have you been virtually married, if you have never had any physical contact with anyone, you remain a virgin and your sex organ won't hurt from the excessive virtual sex with different people.
You don't have to worry if you find difficulties meeting people online, we provide match-making service. Don't have to worry as well if you are an Internet relationship newbie, we do provide slick lines to help you to support your love point. Here's a preview:
1. You are so beautiful.
2. I love you, I really do.
3. I can't live, if living is without you.
4. I wanna touch you and kiss you so much.
5. If I could be with you I'd make love to you every night.
6. I cannot do anything at work today, I cannot stop thinking about you, my life is a mess.
7. I cannot wait to see you for real, hold you in my arms and tell you, "hey, this is me, from the monitor, for real..."
And to support your slick lines, we also do provide a lot of stupid emoticons for you to get physical with your online love interest, oh remember the time when you kissed, hugged and even had sex for the very first time, virtually?
Oh, sex on the Internet, which is actually rather vegetarian but we made it carnivore. You don't have sex with your organs but words. You could have sex with guy A now, guy B later or even a gang bang and yet, you maintain your virginity, how amazing is that?
Spice up your virtual sex life too by purchasing virtual revealing lingeries. We do respect the religious people as well by selling non-revealing-casual-long-sleeves-long-pants-like lingeries, for our service, no one gets offended or hurt.
Also, to protect yourself, you can download this plug-in for WLM, which in order to help preventing your online husbands/wives screen-capturing your naked body or self-help acts for future abuse.
The divorce is easy, just click "yes" when a dialogue that says "Are you sure?" appears. You will then see a dialogue which says "Congratulations, you are now succesfully divorced with __________. Click 'cancel' if you do not wish to meet more possible future wives at the moment."
No lawyers, no courts, no prenups, even better, no trojans.
For our service you can marry anyone you want, for our service you can strip yourself bare in front of any webcams, for our service you can divorce and remarry anytime, for our service we guarantee your satisfaction.
Lifetime membership, register now for a 30% discount, 3-day free trial, a limited period only.
... and if, my business grows, perhaps I can start thinking of a virtual honeymoon spots or pet/child adoption service for the Internet couples.
Are you not even tempted?
(Tip: For those who aged between 14 to 18, to get married, you need to enter the verification code. To skip this, simply go to options>personal settings and change your year of birth!)
Wednesday, 19 August 2009
The Twilight Effects
Why do women enjoy reading/watching stories about forbidden (stupid and no sense making) love?? I mean, I would really be the first in line if Hollywood decided to make a movie about a woman who's deeply in love with a public rubbish bin, that's just as romantic isn't it?
If there's something I've learnt from this "very-selling” movie named "Twilight", it's how stupid girls are, and vampires do not go out in the sun because they actually "sparkle", as in twinkle-twinkle-little-stars-how-I-wonder-what-you-are.
... also, a vampire has problem smelling you, if you put your hair down and cover yourself properly.
WTF??
I know, I once said I would not watch this movie but thanks to my dumb sis, I sat myself down and watched it.
I really want to see how stupid it is, believe me, it's the only reason.
In my very humble opinion, it's just like High School Musical and Barney and Friends or even Teletubbies, minus the music plus the horror.
Horror, as in how Barney would look applying heavy make-up.
So it did not disappoint me much, as it seemed. I already expected it to be very stupid.
It has a 6.0 rating on IMDb. Usually a movie around 6 is watchable, more than 6.5 is quite good, more than 7 is a amazing and more than 8? Breathtaking.
Any rating below 5, is rather stupid and you're advised not to waste your time.
But it's difficult to say, a movie like "Spiceworld" might get a high rating of 6.5 because the group who watched and rated it are aged between 4-15 while a great movie like "The Life of David Gale" could get a 6.5 too because the audience are more mature.
My point? It has quite a good rating probably because lots of teenage girls rated it.
So ok, the vampires in it flew like those ancient Chinese kung-fu fighters, their baseballs flew quicker than the speed of light, they climbed trees better than monkeys and they travelled faster than rockets.
More importantly, they are vegetarians.
Like tigers, but vegetarian.
There was also this vampire named Edward who outstands everyone...
I don't get it, what is with Robert Pattinson??
He looked like a drug addict with a huge touch of gayness who had not been cutting his hair since the 50s. With his purposely applied serious, strange, gay-vampire look, really, hot? What is wrong with those teenage girls?
My sister is one of them, she's 18 and she said "ooh, he's so handsome..."
Girls around me when I was 14 said the same thing about Prince William. Not me, I knew he would go bald 10 years later.
... and my sister told me, Robbie urged Kristen to make a choice between him and her current boyfriend, ya huh, very romantic, I guess.
... and she said it in this dreamy tone, "oh, he's soooooo man."
... and watched the disgusted look on my face while saying, "what, you don't think so?"
Forgive me but something's definitely very wrong with teenage girls these days. They think boys who "manly force" you to do something is very strong and sexy.
Like this, you pretended like you don't want them to kiss you, then they kissed you, then you rejected, then they still kiss you, then you pushed them away, then they pushed you to the wall, then you turned your face away, then again they tried to kiss you, then you finally surrender and engaged in the long-awaited kiss...
Very sexy and romantic.
Chauvinists and boys who have no respects for women? Their favourite, apparently.
The director, a female, apparently no Sofia Coppola, was congratulated for her "achievement".
What achievement?? This movie wouldn't even sell if Paris Hilton played Bella Swan and Perez Hilton played Edward Cullen.
... and how women, even women older than me, holding this whole set of gay literature, queuing up, spending hundreds of money buying them!!
Unbelievable, is it just me or they're really that dumb?
Look, people, if you really want to read about vampire, if you really must, go with Anne Rice at least. In my opinion, she's so much more original than that Meyer homemaker.
Anyway, if you tend to judge, remember this: a vampire has the right to be in love with a human, just like a human has the right to be in love with a computer cable.
If there's something I've learnt from this "very-selling” movie named "Twilight", it's how stupid girls are, and vampires do not go out in the sun because they actually "sparkle", as in twinkle-twinkle-little-stars-how-I-wonder-what-you-are.
... also, a vampire has problem smelling you, if you put your hair down and cover yourself properly.
WTF??
I know, I once said I would not watch this movie but thanks to my dumb sis, I sat myself down and watched it.
I really want to see how stupid it is, believe me, it's the only reason.
In my very humble opinion, it's just like High School Musical and Barney and Friends or even Teletubbies, minus the music plus the horror.
Horror, as in how Barney would look applying heavy make-up.
So it did not disappoint me much, as it seemed. I already expected it to be very stupid.
It has a 6.0 rating on IMDb. Usually a movie around 6 is watchable, more than 6.5 is quite good, more than 7 is a amazing and more than 8? Breathtaking.
Any rating below 5, is rather stupid and you're advised not to waste your time.
But it's difficult to say, a movie like "Spiceworld" might get a high rating of 6.5 because the group who watched and rated it are aged between 4-15 while a great movie like "The Life of David Gale" could get a 6.5 too because the audience are more mature.
My point? It has quite a good rating probably because lots of teenage girls rated it.
So ok, the vampires in it flew like those ancient Chinese kung-fu fighters, their baseballs flew quicker than the speed of light, they climbed trees better than monkeys and they travelled faster than rockets.
More importantly, they are vegetarians.
Like tigers, but vegetarian.
There was also this vampire named Edward who outstands everyone...
I don't get it, what is with Robert Pattinson??
He looked like a drug addict with a huge touch of gayness who had not been cutting his hair since the 50s. With his purposely applied serious, strange, gay-vampire look, really, hot? What is wrong with those teenage girls?
My sister is one of them, she's 18 and she said "ooh, he's so handsome..."
Girls around me when I was 14 said the same thing about Prince William. Not me, I knew he would go bald 10 years later.
... and my sister told me, Robbie urged Kristen to make a choice between him and her current boyfriend, ya huh, very romantic, I guess.
... and she said it in this dreamy tone, "oh, he's soooooo man."
... and watched the disgusted look on my face while saying, "what, you don't think so?"
Forgive me but something's definitely very wrong with teenage girls these days. They think boys who "manly force" you to do something is very strong and sexy.
Like this, you pretended like you don't want them to kiss you, then they kissed you, then you rejected, then they still kiss you, then you pushed them away, then they pushed you to the wall, then you turned your face away, then again they tried to kiss you, then you finally surrender and engaged in the long-awaited kiss...
Very sexy and romantic.
Chauvinists and boys who have no respects for women? Their favourite, apparently.
The director, a female, apparently no Sofia Coppola, was congratulated for her "achievement".
What achievement?? This movie wouldn't even sell if Paris Hilton played Bella Swan and Perez Hilton played Edward Cullen.
... and how women, even women older than me, holding this whole set of gay literature, queuing up, spending hundreds of money buying them!!
Unbelievable, is it just me or they're really that dumb?
Look, people, if you really want to read about vampire, if you really must, go with Anne Rice at least. In my opinion, she's so much more original than that Meyer homemaker.
Anyway, if you tend to judge, remember this: a vampire has the right to be in love with a human, just like a human has the right to be in love with a computer cable.
Sunday, 9 August 2009
The Bot Which Knows It Best
Dear Martes, I hereby aggrive myself to ask your hand in marriage, as my destiny is told by something magical called the "MarriageBot".
For thee I believe I have found my true happiness, as it is, too, told by the mighty MarriageBot.
Don't need to be jealous with me, you too can find happiness just like I do. Try log on to www dot facebook dot com, I repeat www dot facebook that's f-a-c-e-b-o-o-k dot com and search for the MarriageBot which stands for marriage + robot.
With just one click (up to two), your destiny is right in your hand.
It predicts your first or up-coming husband along with 4 other possible candidates which one of them, you would actually marry but end up in divorce.
Anyway, the mighty MarriageBot calculating or even matchmaking service is completely free! No shit of peeling an apple in front of a mirror at 12am with your laptop aside, no shit of saying a stupid chant that goes "gods of powers, gods of might, show me true love, now in sight etc etc", no even shit of focusing on "finding love" while answering its one-and-only question!
How amazing.
This is no hoax, MarriageBot calculates your destiny + future with its highly advanced robot calculating techniques.
One of my friends tried this application days ago and predicted her very dashing future possible husbands. The top guy is a married man.
How very interesting, I thought, I too want to know whom my upcoming husband is!
After all, it's a girl's fantasy to dress up in white and say yes to her prince charming on the altar, the very same altar where Britney said yes to whatshisnameagain.
Ok, so after a few clicks, marriagebot asked me de most important question ever, that is if I want to marry:
1. a man
2. a woman
3. I am not picky!
Apparently marriagebot is a supporter of homosexual and bisexual.
The last facebook quiz told me if I marry the same sex I would probably end up in a divorce, so I selected the first option.
It only takes 3 seconds for marriagebot to calculate your future (results might vary depends on your network provider). 3 seconds later, I realise, my upcoming husband is not the guy I've been dating for almost 2 years.
I thought, since facebook says I am "in a relationship with Mr Alberto", it's rather logical for him to be on the top of the list...
But no, my first option happens to be the same first option of my friend: The married guy.
This quiz was like, very specially written and designed for him.
Urr, doesn't it like, check first whom you're dating, then put him on the top of your list to make you spread the words of its amazing calculation??
It's strange, 80% of the guys on my list are married. Perhaps I subconsciously enjoy breaking people's family.
I don't love Martes and I seriously doubt it if he does, but if MarriageBot says so, I believe there is a reason within.
Anyway, thanks to facebook, I now know whom my future husband is. I hereby writing a testimonial for facebook, hoping more people would find true happiness with the apparently-very-stupid facebook applications.
Your destiny awaits you, your happiness is guaranteed.
Martes, hold my hand.
Oh by the way, Mr Sábado, if you see this, do give me a call as you're on the 2nd of the list.
For thee I believe I have found my true happiness, as it is, too, told by the mighty MarriageBot.
Don't need to be jealous with me, you too can find happiness just like I do. Try log on to www dot facebook dot com, I repeat www dot facebook that's f-a-c-e-b-o-o-k dot com and search for the MarriageBot which stands for marriage + robot.
With just one click (up to two), your destiny is right in your hand.
It predicts your first or up-coming husband along with 4 other possible candidates which one of them, you would actually marry but end up in divorce.
Anyway, the mighty MarriageBot calculating or even matchmaking service is completely free! No shit of peeling an apple in front of a mirror at 12am with your laptop aside, no shit of saying a stupid chant that goes "gods of powers, gods of might, show me true love, now in sight etc etc", no even shit of focusing on "finding love" while answering its one-and-only question!
How amazing.
This is no hoax, MarriageBot calculates your destiny + future with its highly advanced robot calculating techniques.
One of my friends tried this application days ago and predicted her very dashing future possible husbands. The top guy is a married man.
How very interesting, I thought, I too want to know whom my upcoming husband is!
After all, it's a girl's fantasy to dress up in white and say yes to her prince charming on the altar, the very same altar where Britney said yes to whatshisnameagain.
Ok, so after a few clicks, marriagebot asked me de most important question ever, that is if I want to marry:
1. a man
2. a woman
3. I am not picky!
Apparently marriagebot is a supporter of homosexual and bisexual.
The last facebook quiz told me if I marry the same sex I would probably end up in a divorce, so I selected the first option.
It only takes 3 seconds for marriagebot to calculate your future (results might vary depends on your network provider). 3 seconds later, I realise, my upcoming husband is not the guy I've been dating for almost 2 years.
I thought, since facebook says I am "in a relationship with Mr Alberto", it's rather logical for him to be on the top of the list...
But no, my first option happens to be the same first option of my friend: The married guy.
This quiz was like, very specially written and designed for him.
Urr, doesn't it like, check first whom you're dating, then put him on the top of your list to make you spread the words of its amazing calculation??
It's strange, 80% of the guys on my list are married. Perhaps I subconsciously enjoy breaking people's family.
I don't love Martes and I seriously doubt it if he does, but if MarriageBot says so, I believe there is a reason within.
Anyway, thanks to facebook, I now know whom my future husband is. I hereby writing a testimonial for facebook, hoping more people would find true happiness with the apparently-very-stupid facebook applications.
Your destiny awaits you, your happiness is guaranteed.
Martes, hold my hand.
Oh by the way, Mr Sábado, if you see this, do give me a call as you're on the 2nd of the list.
The Shopper Who Makes Remarkable Impressions
If you've done business a few times with Giselle Hu, I'm sure she made an impression.
She often comes into your shop buying stuffs in even numbers, stuffs she's bought a few times before.
Read my lips, same stuffs, many times.
If you're familiar with that pair of white heels I always wear, you will notice that it is unbelievably lasting.
Even longer lasting than Duracell or Energizer batteries.
Yes, you've seen them on my feet since last year 8 hours a day, 6 days a week, so why aren't they broken yet?
The secret? As it's been told many times by Giselle Hu, merely because I own 9 pairs of the same shoes.
... and people who heard it have their mouth so wide it's Muhammad-Ali's-fist-fitable.
Yes yes yes, 9 pairs of same-design-same-colour. Everyone calls me crazy.
What's the problem? Why is it okay to go back to a restaurant eating the same dish 9 times, go to a funfair and play the same game 9 times, visit the same hairdresser and request for the same service 9 times, but not buying the same design 9 times?
I am a huge lover of Fabiano Ricco's heels since 2002 and I barely wear any heels other than my usual brand, very barely. I usually buy white heels since they tend to attract attention better.
So, you can say Ricco will be able to survive by doing business with me, solo.
Today, I had to go back to the outlet as my heels are "slowly" running out, I finish one pair in 3 or 4 months because I usually walk in Olympic-record high speed so they tend to drain out real quickly.
Aside from the one I wear to work now, I only have 2 pairs left.
That's not enough, like I told you, in about 6 months no more favourite heels ever.
You may wonder why I don't buy other shoes. This design, I am telling you, is by far the MOST ELEGANT design I've ever seen. Other than that, it's beautiful, sexy and comfortable, with an affordable, very incredibly affordable price as low as RM59, it's the apple of my eye!
It's not too formal, there's no one single shiny stones on it, it's just right.
Like my Miss Right, if I was to have a bisexual or homosexual relationship.
Finally, I found the heels in the branch of KL as I couldn't find them in Muar, I took it to the shopkeeper, told her I want 2 pairs, sat down patiently and waited for my beloved to arrive.
While I was trying them, she popped me a question, asking if I was the one that bought the same design last time.
I replied, "Yes, you remember me??" while pretended to be excited but secretly a little embarrassed.
I was hoping for a nice response like "Oh of course, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my whole life!" or perhaps, a bitchy response like "Yes, the legless centipede scar on your left arm is very remarkable."
I don't fit the profile of the former but I thought it'd cause her no harm saying that as she's done my business 10,000 times.
Surprisingly, she said "There's only you who bought it this many times."
Ouch, truly!
She often comes into your shop buying stuffs in even numbers, stuffs she's bought a few times before.
Read my lips, same stuffs, many times.
If you're familiar with that pair of white heels I always wear, you will notice that it is unbelievably lasting.
Even longer lasting than Duracell or Energizer batteries.
Yes, you've seen them on my feet since last year 8 hours a day, 6 days a week, so why aren't they broken yet?
The secret? As it's been told many times by Giselle Hu, merely because I own 9 pairs of the same shoes.
... and people who heard it have their mouth so wide it's Muhammad-Ali's-fist-fitable.
Yes yes yes, 9 pairs of same-design-same-colour. Everyone calls me crazy.
What's the problem? Why is it okay to go back to a restaurant eating the same dish 9 times, go to a funfair and play the same game 9 times, visit the same hairdresser and request for the same service 9 times, but not buying the same design 9 times?
I am a huge lover of Fabiano Ricco's heels since 2002 and I barely wear any heels other than my usual brand, very barely. I usually buy white heels since they tend to attract attention better.
So, you can say Ricco will be able to survive by doing business with me, solo.
Today, I had to go back to the outlet as my heels are "slowly" running out, I finish one pair in 3 or 4 months because I usually walk in Olympic-record high speed so they tend to drain out real quickly.
Aside from the one I wear to work now, I only have 2 pairs left.
That's not enough, like I told you, in about 6 months no more favourite heels ever.
You may wonder why I don't buy other shoes. This design, I am telling you, is by far the MOST ELEGANT design I've ever seen. Other than that, it's beautiful, sexy and comfortable, with an affordable, very incredibly affordable price as low as RM59, it's the apple of my eye!
It's not too formal, there's no one single shiny stones on it, it's just right.
Like my Miss Right, if I was to have a bisexual or homosexual relationship.
Finally, I found the heels in the branch of KL as I couldn't find them in Muar, I took it to the shopkeeper, told her I want 2 pairs, sat down patiently and waited for my beloved to arrive.
While I was trying them, she popped me a question, asking if I was the one that bought the same design last time.
I replied, "Yes, you remember me??" while pretended to be excited but secretly a little embarrassed.
I was hoping for a nice response like "Oh of course, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my whole life!" or perhaps, a bitchy response like "Yes, the legless centipede scar on your left arm is very remarkable."
I don't fit the profile of the former but I thought it'd cause her no harm saying that as she's done my business 10,000 times.
Surprisingly, she said "There's only you who bought it this many times."
Ouch, truly!
Wednesday, 5 August 2009
The Prince Who Dislikes Luggage
Remember the movie years ago, starring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks called "You've Got Mail"?
Well, this story is more like the spin-off version called "You've Got Conned", but warning, no point clicking if you don't understand Chinese.
We all get charmed easily by hot, sexy and adorable people on the Internet but sometimes, when stuffs are getting a little too much and too unbelievable, you just gotta be really dumb to keep on falling.
I read the news yesterday, there was this woman in her 30s. She met a guy through a popular networking website and they hit it off in a month claiming they're "in love".
Her prince charming, someone names "Raymond Walter", is an architect, British, 35. Since they "loved" each other so much, he told her he wanted to marry her so he planned to pay her a visit on the 20th of July.
Yeah, like one month meeting in nothing but a virtual chatroom, sending nothing but virtual kisses (with the stupid emoticons) and having nothing but virtual sex is enough for you to be sure you want to marry someone.
Apparently, that guy did not like luggage very much as he sent her a lot of his important stuffs by post, which included a gold watch, 2 gold necklaces, an mp3 player, a mobile, some clothes, a laptop, a bouquet of roses and £10,000 in cash.
Yes, a parcel, gigantic parcel apparently, posted.
3 days after he informed her about this huge parcel, she got a call from some rip-off FedEx saying she needs to pay RM16,000 to redeem it.
THEN...
She got a call from a "Mary" who claimed to be from the tax office, Virgin Mary told her she needed to pay RM3500 for it.
In order to get the parcel from her prince charming, she loaned RM11,000 from her sister, along with her life savings, she transferred those money to the above douchebags.
So, almost RM20,000 paid, she still hadn't received her prince charming's Godzilla. As for the Ray dude, he later kept texting her asking to pay RM3,500 as he was detained by the immigration officers in Malaysia, luckily she "ignored" him "this time".
She told the press, she thought it'd be "different" meeting guys online as her exes lied to her and took a lot of her money. The Ray dude looked really handsome in the pictures and spoke English with a British accent, she thought he was serious.
I never knew by looking handsome and speaking English British-ly mean you're serious with relationships.
I find it really unbelievable reading the news, while feeling sorry for her, I can't help but think she's really stupid.
If she's not stupid and the above incident appeared to be really true which is least likely to be possible, then her prince charming was very stupid to post her those stuffs.
How logical is it, that someone would "prefer" to send his mobile to another country instead of travelling with it? How is it possible someone would "post" a laptop?? Besides, the bouquet would probably wither before it got to her hands. Let's not forget, if the guy sends her £10,000 in cash, that would be £100x10x10, quite a pile of money, along with those stuffs are almost impossible to fit in a box and unsafe to post.
That's really bad planning, perhaps he wanted her to see the swimming and floating stuffs, as the water from the bouquet would definitely leaked inside the box.
It's just stupid to think all those stuffs have no better way to send, like FedEx works better than a secure online bank transfer or flower-delivery. Hey, maybe he surprised her by posting a British pizza too!
It's one thing to believe in the fucking nonsense but it's another to actually go along with it. Why did she even spend so much money in order to redeem those stuffs that had nothing to do with her??
This is not Indonesia, Vietnam nor Korea with small currencies, RM20,000 is a huge amount of money!
Spending RM20,000 on someone whom I had never met before? I don't think so.
I wouldn't even do that if he had transferred me a bit amount of money online to redeem the stuffs, you can't guarantee you won't get into deep shit for it.
Don't those people have a sense and question the logic of it?
"I love you" on the Internet? It's just make-believe and stupid.
... and you actually believe it when someone says he wants to "marry" you, online?
No wonder people lost money on the Internet, whether the "I-love-you" cons, the "penis length-increasing" procedures or the "Nigerian-inheritance" job, it's amazing how gullible people are.
After all, "gullible" is the longest word you could find in a dictionary.
Well, this story is more like the spin-off version called "You've Got Conned", but warning, no point clicking if you don't understand Chinese.
We all get charmed easily by hot, sexy and adorable people on the Internet but sometimes, when stuffs are getting a little too much and too unbelievable, you just gotta be really dumb to keep on falling.
I read the news yesterday, there was this woman in her 30s. She met a guy through a popular networking website and they hit it off in a month claiming they're "in love".
Her prince charming, someone names "Raymond Walter", is an architect, British, 35. Since they "loved" each other so much, he told her he wanted to marry her so he planned to pay her a visit on the 20th of July.
Yeah, like one month meeting in nothing but a virtual chatroom, sending nothing but virtual kisses (with the stupid emoticons) and having nothing but virtual sex is enough for you to be sure you want to marry someone.
Apparently, that guy did not like luggage very much as he sent her a lot of his important stuffs by post, which included a gold watch, 2 gold necklaces, an mp3 player, a mobile, some clothes, a laptop, a bouquet of roses and £10,000 in cash.
Yes, a parcel, gigantic parcel apparently, posted.
3 days after he informed her about this huge parcel, she got a call from some rip-off FedEx saying she needs to pay RM16,000 to redeem it.
THEN...
She got a call from a "Mary" who claimed to be from the tax office, Virgin Mary told her she needed to pay RM3500 for it.
In order to get the parcel from her prince charming, she loaned RM11,000 from her sister, along with her life savings, she transferred those money to the above douchebags.
So, almost RM20,000 paid, she still hadn't received her prince charming's Godzilla. As for the Ray dude, he later kept texting her asking to pay RM3,500 as he was detained by the immigration officers in Malaysia, luckily she "ignored" him "this time".
She told the press, she thought it'd be "different" meeting guys online as her exes lied to her and took a lot of her money. The Ray dude looked really handsome in the pictures and spoke English with a British accent, she thought he was serious.
I never knew by looking handsome and speaking English British-ly mean you're serious with relationships.
I find it really unbelievable reading the news, while feeling sorry for her, I can't help but think she's really stupid.
If she's not stupid and the above incident appeared to be really true which is least likely to be possible, then her prince charming was very stupid to post her those stuffs.
How logical is it, that someone would "prefer" to send his mobile to another country instead of travelling with it? How is it possible someone would "post" a laptop?? Besides, the bouquet would probably wither before it got to her hands. Let's not forget, if the guy sends her £10,000 in cash, that would be £100x10x10, quite a pile of money, along with those stuffs are almost impossible to fit in a box and unsafe to post.
That's really bad planning, perhaps he wanted her to see the swimming and floating stuffs, as the water from the bouquet would definitely leaked inside the box.
It's just stupid to think all those stuffs have no better way to send, like FedEx works better than a secure online bank transfer or flower-delivery. Hey, maybe he surprised her by posting a British pizza too!
It's one thing to believe in the fucking nonsense but it's another to actually go along with it. Why did she even spend so much money in order to redeem those stuffs that had nothing to do with her??
This is not Indonesia, Vietnam nor Korea with small currencies, RM20,000 is a huge amount of money!
Spending RM20,000 on someone whom I had never met before? I don't think so.
I wouldn't even do that if he had transferred me a bit amount of money online to redeem the stuffs, you can't guarantee you won't get into deep shit for it.
Don't those people have a sense and question the logic of it?
"I love you" on the Internet? It's just make-believe and stupid.
... and you actually believe it when someone says he wants to "marry" you, online?
No wonder people lost money on the Internet, whether the "I-love-you" cons, the "penis length-increasing" procedures or the "Nigerian-inheritance" job, it's amazing how gullible people are.
After all, "gullible" is the longest word you could find in a dictionary.
Tuesday, 4 August 2009
The Simulated Daylight Saving
Well, my dear, if you want me to work for you, you're seriously going to hate me.
And if you are the type who cannot sit patiently while waiting for me to get the work done, I am going to be very annoyed with you as well.
I'll admit it, I do have a "fatal" flaw, it's rather major when it comes to work but it's rather minor in the eyes of calm people: I am very, truly, highly, incredibly, deadly, extremely, enormously, and fucking last-minute. (thank you thesaurus.com!)
But what do you care?
I won't look for any excuses, I am just lazy. So what?
Besides, which you could say in my defense, I find myself extremely productive working under the pressure of time. I am smart, fast and efficient, if I get to finish my work on time, what is the problem?
Take this thingy as an example:
Yesterday in school, we were told to finish entering the result of our students by 1:00 pm the next day, which is today. I did not know about it until this morning at 9:00am. Fine, I still have 4 hours. This work takes no more than 5 minutes for me, alright, why don't we just sit back and enjoy a little while watching others rushing their ass off?
But then at 11:05am, I was kinda blamed for not finishing and apparently, everyone had finished and "was waiting" for me so they could do the printing.
Sounded like I was the most horribly lazy teacher among the other 144s.
How hilarious, if you want to start doing the printing at 11:00am, might as well just tell people to finish by 11, isn't it wiser that way?
I work accordingly to your orders my dear, when you say 1:00pm, I hear 1 and I estimate how long it takes for me to finish, then I finish by 12:59 for you. If you're lucky, maybe even 12:55. But if you told me to finish by 1, you gotta be really stupid to think the work will magically be done by 11.
These people have no Mathematical sense. Take this another stupid example which totally makes me laugh, ironically:
A week ago, we were told to register our students online, 45 students for an important government examination next year. Alrighty, we have to finish by the 31st of August.
Wow, I love it when we don't have to finish our work the next day, but if we really do, I can finish it very quickly. With my typing skill and computer knowledge, trust me, my last-minute habit is the least of your problems.
So, let's take a look at our calendar, it says the 4th of August today. Guess what I was blamed for this morning.
Yup, I guess the other 14 teachers had started registering, only me who hasn't even started yet.
So I asked, we have to finish by the "31st" isn't it?
Yes we do.
Then, silly, why do we have to rush Giselle Hu?
How fucking ironic, I still have 27 more days before the deadline and yet, I was sort of lectured and blamed.
Duh, these people are like stupid or what?
If you said 31st, it means 31st, not the bloody 11th, not even the fucking 5th!
If you want us to finish sooner, you would sound a lot smarter by telling us an earlier date wouldn't you?
It's really easy to get Giselle Hu to work like she's on fire, you just have to pass something to her, give her a deadline and go wait patiently before you see the work done perfectly on your desk.
I don't like my last-minute habit, yes, but, if I get to finish my work on time, what do you fucking care?
It's your problem being an early bird, it's my problem being a night owl. Want me to get the work done by your UTC Daylight Saving? Easy, all you have to do is to be more accurate.
Sorry but I am just not the type to adapt or rush like an idiot or a nervous freak so I could suit myself with your impatience.
Just let me sit back and enjoy myself while while I do things for you, it's not my fault you are not as fast and efficient as I am.
And if you are the type who cannot sit patiently while waiting for me to get the work done, I am going to be very annoyed with you as well.
I'll admit it, I do have a "fatal" flaw, it's rather major when it comes to work but it's rather minor in the eyes of calm people: I am very, truly, highly, incredibly, deadly, extremely, enormously, and fucking last-minute. (thank you thesaurus.com!)
But what do you care?
I won't look for any excuses, I am just lazy. So what?
Besides, which you could say in my defense, I find myself extremely productive working under the pressure of time. I am smart, fast and efficient, if I get to finish my work on time, what is the problem?
Take this thingy as an example:
Yesterday in school, we were told to finish entering the result of our students by 1:00 pm the next day, which is today. I did not know about it until this morning at 9:00am. Fine, I still have 4 hours. This work takes no more than 5 minutes for me, alright, why don't we just sit back and enjoy a little while watching others rushing their ass off?
But then at 11:05am, I was kinda blamed for not finishing and apparently, everyone had finished and "was waiting" for me so they could do the printing.
Sounded like I was the most horribly lazy teacher among the other 144s.
How hilarious, if you want to start doing the printing at 11:00am, might as well just tell people to finish by 11, isn't it wiser that way?
I work accordingly to your orders my dear, when you say 1:00pm, I hear 1 and I estimate how long it takes for me to finish, then I finish by 12:59 for you. If you're lucky, maybe even 12:55. But if you told me to finish by 1, you gotta be really stupid to think the work will magically be done by 11.
These people have no Mathematical sense. Take this another stupid example which totally makes me laugh, ironically:
A week ago, we were told to register our students online, 45 students for an important government examination next year. Alrighty, we have to finish by the 31st of August.
Wow, I love it when we don't have to finish our work the next day, but if we really do, I can finish it very quickly. With my typing skill and computer knowledge, trust me, my last-minute habit is the least of your problems.
So, let's take a look at our calendar, it says the 4th of August today. Guess what I was blamed for this morning.
Yup, I guess the other 14 teachers had started registering, only me who hasn't even started yet.
So I asked, we have to finish by the "31st" isn't it?
Yes we do.
Then, silly, why do we have to rush Giselle Hu?
How fucking ironic, I still have 27 more days before the deadline and yet, I was sort of lectured and blamed.
Duh, these people are like stupid or what?
If you said 31st, it means 31st, not the bloody 11th, not even the fucking 5th!
If you want us to finish sooner, you would sound a lot smarter by telling us an earlier date wouldn't you?
It's really easy to get Giselle Hu to work like she's on fire, you just have to pass something to her, give her a deadline and go wait patiently before you see the work done perfectly on your desk.
I don't like my last-minute habit, yes, but, if I get to finish my work on time, what do you fucking care?
It's your problem being an early bird, it's my problem being a night owl. Want me to get the work done by your UTC Daylight Saving? Easy, all you have to do is to be more accurate.
Sorry but I am just not the type to adapt or rush like an idiot or a nervous freak so I could suit myself with your impatience.
Just let me sit back and enjoy myself while while I do things for you, it's not my fault you are not as fast and efficient as I am.
Friday, 17 July 2009
The Men Who Fall Asleep After Sex
I, Giselle Hu, hereby solemnly declare, on oath that I, am, not, and, would, not, be, anyone's, love, toy, nor, sex, object.
Lately my interest seems to be carrying a book named "Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex" by Mark Leyner in my hand and read it whenever I get the chance especially in the MRT, but days ago this book seemed to have gotten me some unwanted attention.
Do believe me, when I said "unwanted", I mean "unwanted" instead of the oh-I-don't-really-want-attention-but-if-you-think-I-deserve-any-do-go-ahead shit.
Is there anyone who said anything about using this book to book a seat in Starbucks? This guy asked me if that was what I've been reading in public.
He said, it seemed unusual for an Asian girl who carries a book like that bravely and publicly. I asked what's the problem.
So he asked if he could join me for a cuppa Starbucks, I said no since I was expecting someone, he asked if that was my boyfriend. Urr, who meets a friend in Starbucks for a cup green tea latte at 5pm?
Of course, I gave him my signature "aww-what-a-shame-I-would-really-love-to-but-I-can't" look and talk. It was true as Alberto was coming plus I am not into sitting down and having a coffee with someone whom I don't know.
Then he asked me to go over to his table as he wished to share some of his opinion on this topic after he asked me again if he could join me for the coffee. Bloody hell, this guy just won't give up would he? I was thinking of a way to reject him again but ok, Alberto should be here any minute to rescue me so I'll let him be my hero. Besides, when Alberto arrived he would have no choice but to let me go.
He told me he studied psychology and he asked my opinion on why men do fall asleep after sex. You know what, I don't really care so I don't really care if I know the answer, therefore I gave him a shrug..
... and he asked if I think it's because they worked hard, ahem, in bed.
Come on dude, it's a very well-known excuse for men to fall asleep without feeling guilty, you know, just like when men use that kinda excuse to watch porns whenever they like, remember?
Of course I don't really think it's that complex, like I said, I don't really care so I don't really care.
He then tried to give me this talk about how there are two kinds of thingies called "sex" and "love making" and how different they are.
Something like "sex" is about lust and "love making" is about love.
Duh! Who cares?
I normally use the word "fuck". What is it about then?
It's too early to let him see my true colours as he's a complete stranger and I keep repeating this: I really don't care.
This dude, according to his very noble theory, a man, does not love you and only treat you as a sex object, if the followings occurred:
1. He doesn't tell you he loves you when he ejaculates.
2. He doesn't get up of bed and fix you a hot drink after you had sex.
3. He uses a condom when he's "having sex" with you.
4. He doesn't buy you flowers and greet you at the airport when you travel to see him.
5. He is attracted to Asian women.
6. He falls asleep after sex.
7. He doesn't answer all his phone calls in front of you.
And he also gave me the greatest sex/relationship talk ever for free:
1. A loving-making progress should last from 3-5 hours.
2. You should, at least, have sex once a day.
3. If a man is doing everything right, you should have an orgasm.
4. A man should always, always shows that he loves you to prove that he loves you.
5. Spanish guys are playboys and they would do whatever it takes to get a woman in bed. (same rules applied for Antonio Banderas, Rafael Nadal, Fernando Verdasco and Tommy Robredo)
I mean, my god, that guy lives in a barbie fairy tale land or what! We all know that men are least likely to be trusted when they're ejaculating! Besides, who wants to spend their time with a man who has nothing better to do except to "make love" to you for 5 hours.
He also mentioned that Asian women are more submissive and conservative compared to the western girls. Dude, we Japanese invented the sex chair! This is not the bloody 40s!
He also gave me the analysis report free of charge. You know, that very same kind of report which you have to spend $9.95 for a limited period only on the web.
1. Which sexual position I like the most? (Wrong)
2. What vibrator size I like the most? (Wrong)
3. How many times do I get naughty every week? (Wrong)
4. How healthy is my sex life? (Wrong)
.... and so on.
I do believe, when you receive a wrong report from an idiot, the best thing to do is to pretend the report is damn correct to prevent further guessing.
This is apparently better...
He: Do you like tomatoes?
Me: Yes!!
... than this:
He: Do you like tomatoes?
Me: No.
He: What about... oranges?
Me: No.
He: Okra?
Me: No.
He: Beer?
Me: No.
He: Eggplant?
Me: No.
He: Cucumber?
Me: No.
...
You see?
Oh, sorry, I forgot to mention why Alberto still hadn't appeared yet. That dude overworked in his office and text me to go somewhere else to meet him, I was listening to this new dude's bullshit and was trying to find a way to get out of there so I could run to the open arms of my love...
The douchebag realised I was going to meet Alberto and to leave him on his own so he kinda offered to meet me again the next day. Urr, yeah right! At last, Alberto made me a call asking me where I was as he's arrived, that douchebag finally let me go. But before that, he called me "submissive".
Seriously, "submissive" or not, I wouldn't mind even if he called me the mistress or the sex slave of Kevin Federline, as long as he let me go!
He totally ruined my mood and I was angry with myself for being an idiot. Why did I just sit there and let him humiliate me?? I always do things I regret afterwards, remember the time where the flower delivery guy came to my door and I greeted him in nothing but a towel?
I cannot figure out what his intention was still, but for sure, I want nothing more to do with him anymore. This guy is nothing more than an idiot, offensive and insulting.
I for sure has learnt my lesson that day, never once more in my life will I sit with a strange European-African dude again!
Lately my interest seems to be carrying a book named "Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex" by Mark Leyner in my hand and read it whenever I get the chance especially in the MRT, but days ago this book seemed to have gotten me some unwanted attention.
Do believe me, when I said "unwanted", I mean "unwanted" instead of the oh-I-don't-really-want-attention-but-if-you-think-I-deserve-any-do-go-ahead shit.
Is there anyone who said anything about using this book to book a seat in Starbucks? This guy asked me if that was what I've been reading in public.
He said, it seemed unusual for an Asian girl who carries a book like that bravely and publicly. I asked what's the problem.
So he asked if he could join me for a cuppa Starbucks, I said no since I was expecting someone, he asked if that was my boyfriend. Urr, who meets a friend in Starbucks for a cup green tea latte at 5pm?
Of course, I gave him my signature "aww-what-a-shame-I-would-really-love-to-but-I-can't" look and talk. It was true as Alberto was coming plus I am not into sitting down and having a coffee with someone whom I don't know.
Then he asked me to go over to his table as he wished to share some of his opinion on this topic after he asked me again if he could join me for the coffee. Bloody hell, this guy just won't give up would he? I was thinking of a way to reject him again but ok, Alberto should be here any minute to rescue me so I'll let him be my hero. Besides, when Alberto arrived he would have no choice but to let me go.
He told me he studied psychology and he asked my opinion on why men do fall asleep after sex. You know what, I don't really care so I don't really care if I know the answer, therefore I gave him a shrug..
... and he asked if I think it's because they worked hard, ahem, in bed.
Come on dude, it's a very well-known excuse for men to fall asleep without feeling guilty, you know, just like when men use that kinda excuse to watch porns whenever they like, remember?
Of course I don't really think it's that complex, like I said, I don't really care so I don't really care.
He then tried to give me this talk about how there are two kinds of thingies called "sex" and "love making" and how different they are.
Something like "sex" is about lust and "love making" is about love.
Duh! Who cares?
I normally use the word "fuck". What is it about then?
It's too early to let him see my true colours as he's a complete stranger and I keep repeating this: I really don't care.
This dude, according to his very noble theory, a man, does not love you and only treat you as a sex object, if the followings occurred:
1. He doesn't tell you he loves you when he ejaculates.
2. He doesn't get up of bed and fix you a hot drink after you had sex.
3. He uses a condom when he's "having sex" with you.
4. He doesn't buy you flowers and greet you at the airport when you travel to see him.
5. He is attracted to Asian women.
6. He falls asleep after sex.
7. He doesn't answer all his phone calls in front of you.
And he also gave me the greatest sex/relationship talk ever for free:
1. A loving-making progress should last from 3-5 hours.
2. You should, at least, have sex once a day.
3. If a man is doing everything right, you should have an orgasm.
4. A man should always, always shows that he loves you to prove that he loves you.
5. Spanish guys are playboys and they would do whatever it takes to get a woman in bed. (same rules applied for Antonio Banderas, Rafael Nadal, Fernando Verdasco and Tommy Robredo)
I mean, my god, that guy lives in a barbie fairy tale land or what! We all know that men are least likely to be trusted when they're ejaculating! Besides, who wants to spend their time with a man who has nothing better to do except to "make love" to you for 5 hours.
He also mentioned that Asian women are more submissive and conservative compared to the western girls. Dude, we Japanese invented the sex chair! This is not the bloody 40s!
He also gave me the analysis report free of charge. You know, that very same kind of report which you have to spend $9.95 for a limited period only on the web.
1. Which sexual position I like the most? (Wrong)
2. What vibrator size I like the most? (Wrong)
3. How many times do I get naughty every week? (Wrong)
4. How healthy is my sex life? (Wrong)
.... and so on.
I do believe, when you receive a wrong report from an idiot, the best thing to do is to pretend the report is damn correct to prevent further guessing.
This is apparently better...
He: Do you like tomatoes?
Me: Yes!!
... than this:
He: Do you like tomatoes?
Me: No.
He: What about... oranges?
Me: No.
He: Okra?
Me: No.
He: Beer?
Me: No.
He: Eggplant?
Me: No.
He: Cucumber?
Me: No.
...
You see?
Oh, sorry, I forgot to mention why Alberto still hadn't appeared yet. That dude overworked in his office and text me to go somewhere else to meet him, I was listening to this new dude's bullshit and was trying to find a way to get out of there so I could run to the open arms of my love...
The douchebag realised I was going to meet Alberto and to leave him on his own so he kinda offered to meet me again the next day. Urr, yeah right! At last, Alberto made me a call asking me where I was as he's arrived, that douchebag finally let me go. But before that, he called me "submissive".
Seriously, "submissive" or not, I wouldn't mind even if he called me the mistress or the sex slave of Kevin Federline, as long as he let me go!
He totally ruined my mood and I was angry with myself for being an idiot. Why did I just sit there and let him humiliate me?? I always do things I regret afterwards, remember the time where the flower delivery guy came to my door and I greeted him in nothing but a towel?
I cannot figure out what his intention was still, but for sure, I want nothing more to do with him anymore. This guy is nothing more than an idiot, offensive and insulting.
I for sure has learnt my lesson that day, never once more in my life will I sit with a strange European-African dude again!
Thursday, 9 July 2009
The Teardrops on a Soon-to-rot Corpse
I cannot, so cannot take one more Michael-Jackson-we-miss-you-so-much-mwah shit!
Is he like your boyfriend or something??
People really need to wake up, the day before his death, nobody cares about him and you no longer read about his news for 6 months. All of a sudden, boom, everyone is his fan.
... and whatsup with those crying idiots?
It's not like you lost your dearest family members or a close friend, so why in grief?
Oh, you mean maybe Michael Jackson is somewhere watching you and goes, "hmm, I really like this girl, look at how she cries over my death. Who is she again?"
or perhaps..
"awww, more flowers!"
These people are just as stupid as the "leave-Britney-alone" dude on youtube.
What does his death have anything to do with you??
You live your life, he lies underground, in a few months he's gonna rot, you don't know each other so why care?
There are certainly more important things in life than his death.
For those who think Michael Jackson is one of the biggest entertainers:
by "entertainer", you mean "the biggest joke"?
... and for those who think Michael Jackson was a powerful and a great inspiration to the world: you mean the nose job and the skin-colour transform?
Yes, plastic surgery got really popular thanks to him.
How ironic his records and videos really sell after his death, I can really feel their love towards him.
So who cares if he can sing or dance, he's not just so yesterday but so last month!
People, wake up, he has nothing to do with you!
Why does the world mourn? Why do you even care?
People are mouning and missing a corpse they don't know, how meaningful.
Is he like your boyfriend or something??
People really need to wake up, the day before his death, nobody cares about him and you no longer read about his news for 6 months. All of a sudden, boom, everyone is his fan.
... and whatsup with those crying idiots?
It's not like you lost your dearest family members or a close friend, so why in grief?
Oh, you mean maybe Michael Jackson is somewhere watching you and goes, "hmm, I really like this girl, look at how she cries over my death. Who is she again?"
or perhaps..
"awww, more flowers!"
These people are just as stupid as the "leave-Britney-alone" dude on youtube.
What does his death have anything to do with you??
You live your life, he lies underground, in a few months he's gonna rot, you don't know each other so why care?
There are certainly more important things in life than his death.
For those who think Michael Jackson is one of the biggest entertainers:
by "entertainer", you mean "the biggest joke"?
... and for those who think Michael Jackson was a powerful and a great inspiration to the world: you mean the nose job and the skin-colour transform?
Yes, plastic surgery got really popular thanks to him.
How ironic his records and videos really sell after his death, I can really feel their love towards him.
So who cares if he can sing or dance, he's not just so yesterday but so last month!
People, wake up, he has nothing to do with you!
Why does the world mourn? Why do you even care?
People are mouning and missing a corpse they don't know, how meaningful.
Saturday, 13 June 2009
The Academy Award Goes To...
... and the award goes to *drum rolls* MADAM KAYPOH AUNTY!
You know, that very same kaypoh aunty in blue T-shirt who reported someone purposely left an article with a bomb inside in the train in that video which you are forced to watch in every square-inch of Singapore?
Singapore gives out some self-invented world-class wannabe Oscar named "Star Awards" to the best whatever blah blah, but I really don't get why this almost the most famous short film in Singapore nor these actors and actresses are not awarded.
It's kinda torturing to travel with MRT in Singapore especially the purple line aka North East Line as there's a tv screen almost everywhere you turn and they loaded it with 4 videos looping so basically, you are forced to watch them in every angle.
So read my lips, you turn to angle A, oh, there's the kaypoh aunty; you try to face hot guy B, oh there's again the kaypoh aunty; you try to look at the nice cleavage C or butt crack D in front of you, hey there's the kaypoh aunty again!
This is just like taking somebody's ipod, loaded it with songs of Paris Hilton's "Stars are Blind", Britney's "Not a Girl Not Yet a Woman" or whoever crap singer's tunes and force you to listen to them over and over again, how would they like it!
Ok, perhaps you really need to watch this video before you get what I mean. Sorry but I am afraid this is the best version I could find on the internet.
Amazing, Singapore is so afraid of the terrorists but they only loaded their trains with this video. I cannot, cannot oh cannot find a proper version on youtube or any other sites at all! Besides, it has been on screen like, forever?
Allow me to synopsis you a little with the drama-turn-thriller plot with a surprising twist. Once upon a time there's this busybody aka nosey (aka kaypoh in local language) drama queen aunty who had nothing better to do except imagining dramas happening around her all the time.
One day, she put on her favourite blue t-shirt and went to a nearby salon to get a maid-in-the-40's hairstyle before she tried to take the MRT from somewhere to somewhere. Out of nowhere, she saw this kinda cute but Ah Beng looking guy holding a big bag. *gasp* Immediately, she's alerted and suspected the Ah Beng might be a wannabe-terrorist.
So, this Ah Beng tried to slip his bag under the seat and checked out the MRT map, she continued to "observe him discreetly" as it seemed like he's looking for somewhere particular to get off.
Then when that Ah Beng wanted to leave his seat forgetting his bag, this also quite kaypoh uncle put down his papers and reminded him of his bag.
Let me interlude a little, we all know that men have problems doing two things but not two girls at once but this uncle had the ability to read papers while he secretly observed the Ah Beng.
Wow, speechless, most guys I know cannot have a conversation when they read the papers.
Ok, back to the plot. Mr Ah Beng refused to claim that bag as his and quickly walked away, it is probably the first and the smartest thing you should do if you by any chance, get to meet any dramatic and quite kaypoh people in the train.
Suspecting it is a bomb, the kaypoh-and-yes-I-have-no-problem-doing-two-things-at-once uncle moved swiftly towards the bag and that's when this hilarious line slipped in, "oh no, we're in trouble!!". Just when he's about to open it, the kaypoh aunty stopped him by giving him a gentle touch on his shoulder and they reported it over the intercom. That kaypoh aunty calmly gave out the WHOLE description of the guy like she had a voyeur fetish, ie. his dark blue jeans and light grey-checked shirt! Oh god...
I always hold a big bag when I travel from Malaysia to Singapore, duh!
Oh yeah, if a rather similar aunty checking me out like that I would consider asking her what the fuck she's looking at, but that would make me even more suspicious to these idiots won't it?
As it is thought by the public, a terrorist=a man, not very good-looking, rude, badly dressed with slight wardrobe malfunction, swears every 2 seconds, smokes, wears a non-Nike cap, wears cheap-looking shades and probably someone who looked like he's extremely happy to meet those 72 virgins up there.
They made more clips like this to "raise awareness" among people and this is only one of the very unrealistic clips. I will try to make fun of more in the future, but I promise nothing.
Seriously, how dramatic can those Singapore kaypoh people be?? One guy holding a big bag without doing anything wrong and the next, he's being suspected as a terrorist and the bag? *gasp* there might be a bomb inside!!
Okay, I really wonder how the tourists feel about the clips. I myself, as a tourist, find it amusing and Singapore too overly cautious with this little possibility. They defended themselves by claiming it is good to be prepared if something like that happened and to raise public-awareness, but it totally doesn't look like that to me.
My friend told me Singapore was once targeted by the terrorists, it's probably why they panic every 2 seconds and have all the dustbins in the stations taken away.
That Ah Beng is apparently an idiot, a newbie, an amateur or really unprofessional, they actually think that bombers in real life would be stupid enough to let people notice their intention??!
They claimed their staffs are trained to deal with such matters, so are the bombers!
... and these stupid people think that in this tech-savvy world, bombs are only available in large or extra large sizes, uh huh.
Do they know that stuffs like mobile phones or even smaller things can work as a bomb as well? These people do not just have a beginner's knowledge with naughty sites as it is said in my earlier post, but looks like they have beginner's knowledge on firepower as well!
Also, Singapore needs to know that not necessarily somebody who looked just like somebody who would bomb the train, would bomb the train!
That's the deal with Singapore, they think they're the only smart ones.
How funny Singapore thinks that by making such unrealistic and stupid kindergarten-style videos they can raise public self-awareness??
In order to raise self-awareness, this is perhaps, what you should watch on tv:
One kaypoh aunty saw a really tall, beautiful and sexy woman with big boobs and nice ass, she dropped her handbag by accident and she tried to find it, but when she arrived to her station, she had to leave the station, the kaypoh aunty found her bag and gave it to her. The sexy woman, looked rather disappointing, left the train while this message is carried out:
"Be vigilant, a sexy woman can be a terrorist!"
Or maybe this?
One tall dark and handsome sexy guy left his handphone somewhere in the train, he tried his best but no luck searching for it. Some really greedy aunty hid it secretly in her purse and after he left, the handphone exploded while this message is carried out:
"Be vigilant and not greedy, a candy bar can work as a bomb let alone a handphone!"
These might win the most amusing videos of all time, but I honestly can't see anything more hilarious than the videos made.
So the awards go to:
Best Actor: The kaypoh-and-yes-I-have-no-problem-doing-two-things-at-once uncle
Best Actress: The kaypoh aunty in blue shirt
Best Supporting Actor: The Ah Beng-looking bomber
Best Supporting Actress: The granny aka lao-ah-mah sitting beside the kaypoh aunty
Best Original Screenplay: The MRT Be Vigilant Video
Best Editing: The MRT Be Vigilant Video
Best Costume Design: The Victorian Version of The MRT Be Vigilant Video
Best Short Film: The MRT Be Vigilant Video
Yet I am surprised Singapore hasn't panicked about somebody poisoning their water! Perhaps a few years later, you see a video asking people to be alerted with possible water poison.
Let's be vigilant, nosey and not greedy, shall we? NOBODY cares!
You know, that very same kaypoh aunty in blue T-shirt who reported someone purposely left an article with a bomb inside in the train in that video which you are forced to watch in every square-inch of Singapore?
Singapore gives out some self-invented world-class wannabe Oscar named "Star Awards" to the best whatever blah blah, but I really don't get why this almost the most famous short film in Singapore nor these actors and actresses are not awarded.
It's kinda torturing to travel with MRT in Singapore especially the purple line aka North East Line as there's a tv screen almost everywhere you turn and they loaded it with 4 videos looping so basically, you are forced to watch them in every angle.
So read my lips, you turn to angle A, oh, there's the kaypoh aunty; you try to face hot guy B, oh there's again the kaypoh aunty; you try to look at the nice cleavage C or butt crack D in front of you, hey there's the kaypoh aunty again!
This is just like taking somebody's ipod, loaded it with songs of Paris Hilton's "Stars are Blind", Britney's "Not a Girl Not Yet a Woman" or whoever crap singer's tunes and force you to listen to them over and over again, how would they like it!
Ok, perhaps you really need to watch this video before you get what I mean. Sorry but I am afraid this is the best version I could find on the internet.
Amazing, Singapore is so afraid of the terrorists but they only loaded their trains with this video. I cannot, cannot oh cannot find a proper version on youtube or any other sites at all! Besides, it has been on screen like, forever?
Allow me to synopsis you a little with the drama-turn-thriller plot with a surprising twist. Once upon a time there's this busybody aka nosey (aka kaypoh in local language) drama queen aunty who had nothing better to do except imagining dramas happening around her all the time.
One day, she put on her favourite blue t-shirt and went to a nearby salon to get a maid-in-the-40's hairstyle before she tried to take the MRT from somewhere to somewhere. Out of nowhere, she saw this kinda cute but Ah Beng looking guy holding a big bag. *gasp* Immediately, she's alerted and suspected the Ah Beng might be a wannabe-terrorist.
So, this Ah Beng tried to slip his bag under the seat and checked out the MRT map, she continued to "observe him discreetly" as it seemed like he's looking for somewhere particular to get off.
Then when that Ah Beng wanted to leave his seat forgetting his bag, this also quite kaypoh uncle put down his papers and reminded him of his bag.
Let me interlude a little, we all know that men have problems doing two things but not two girls at once but this uncle had the ability to read papers while he secretly observed the Ah Beng.
Wow, speechless, most guys I know cannot have a conversation when they read the papers.
Ok, back to the plot. Mr Ah Beng refused to claim that bag as his and quickly walked away, it is probably the first and the smartest thing you should do if you by any chance, get to meet any dramatic and quite kaypoh people in the train.
Suspecting it is a bomb, the kaypoh-and-yes-I-have-no-problem-doing-two-things-at-once uncle moved swiftly towards the bag and that's when this hilarious line slipped in, "oh no, we're in trouble!!". Just when he's about to open it, the kaypoh aunty stopped him by giving him a gentle touch on his shoulder and they reported it over the intercom. That kaypoh aunty calmly gave out the WHOLE description of the guy like she had a voyeur fetish, ie. his dark blue jeans and light grey-checked shirt! Oh god...
I always hold a big bag when I travel from Malaysia to Singapore, duh!
Oh yeah, if a rather similar aunty checking me out like that I would consider asking her what the fuck she's looking at, but that would make me even more suspicious to these idiots won't it?
As it is thought by the public, a terrorist=a man, not very good-looking, rude, badly dressed with slight wardrobe malfunction, swears every 2 seconds, smokes, wears a non-Nike cap, wears cheap-looking shades and probably someone who looked like he's extremely happy to meet those 72 virgins up there.
They made more clips like this to "raise awareness" among people and this is only one of the very unrealistic clips. I will try to make fun of more in the future, but I promise nothing.
Seriously, how dramatic can those Singapore kaypoh people be?? One guy holding a big bag without doing anything wrong and the next, he's being suspected as a terrorist and the bag? *gasp* there might be a bomb inside!!
Okay, I really wonder how the tourists feel about the clips. I myself, as a tourist, find it amusing and Singapore too overly cautious with this little possibility. They defended themselves by claiming it is good to be prepared if something like that happened and to raise public-awareness, but it totally doesn't look like that to me.
My friend told me Singapore was once targeted by the terrorists, it's probably why they panic every 2 seconds and have all the dustbins in the stations taken away.
That Ah Beng is apparently an idiot, a newbie, an amateur or really unprofessional, they actually think that bombers in real life would be stupid enough to let people notice their intention??!
They claimed their staffs are trained to deal with such matters, so are the bombers!
... and these stupid people think that in this tech-savvy world, bombs are only available in large or extra large sizes, uh huh.
Do they know that stuffs like mobile phones or even smaller things can work as a bomb as well? These people do not just have a beginner's knowledge with naughty sites as it is said in my earlier post, but looks like they have beginner's knowledge on firepower as well!
Also, Singapore needs to know that not necessarily somebody who looked just like somebody who would bomb the train, would bomb the train!
That's the deal with Singapore, they think they're the only smart ones.
How funny Singapore thinks that by making such unrealistic and stupid kindergarten-style videos they can raise public self-awareness??
In order to raise self-awareness, this is perhaps, what you should watch on tv:
One kaypoh aunty saw a really tall, beautiful and sexy woman with big boobs and nice ass, she dropped her handbag by accident and she tried to find it, but when she arrived to her station, she had to leave the station, the kaypoh aunty found her bag and gave it to her. The sexy woman, looked rather disappointing, left the train while this message is carried out:
"Be vigilant, a sexy woman can be a terrorist!"
Or maybe this?
One tall dark and handsome sexy guy left his handphone somewhere in the train, he tried his best but no luck searching for it. Some really greedy aunty hid it secretly in her purse and after he left, the handphone exploded while this message is carried out:
"Be vigilant and not greedy, a candy bar can work as a bomb let alone a handphone!"
These might win the most amusing videos of all time, but I honestly can't see anything more hilarious than the videos made.
So the awards go to:
Best Actor: The kaypoh-and-yes-I-have-no-problem-doing-two-things-at-once uncle
Best Actress: The kaypoh aunty in blue shirt
Best Supporting Actor: The Ah Beng-looking bomber
Best Supporting Actress: The granny aka lao-ah-mah sitting beside the kaypoh aunty
Best Original Screenplay: The MRT Be Vigilant Video
Best Editing: The MRT Be Vigilant Video
Best Costume Design: The Victorian Version of The MRT Be Vigilant Video
Best Short Film: The MRT Be Vigilant Video
Yet I am surprised Singapore hasn't panicked about somebody poisoning their water! Perhaps a few years later, you see a video asking people to be alerted with possible water poison.
Let's be vigilant, nosey and not greedy, shall we? NOBODY cares!
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
The Many Faces of the Stupid Facebook Applications
How many stupid applications have Facebook invented lately?
... or let's narrow it down to the quizzes, shall we?
Ever since Facebook changes its layout it's flooded with nothing but stupid applications especially the stupid quizzes, you never really noticed them before because they were not published on your main wall on the old layout.
Let's take a look at the stupid quizzes that I heard of before, the titles, are merely original:
1. What are you born to do.
2. How gay are you?
3. When will you DIE
4. When Will You Die ?!! ... >
5. What kinda girlfriend are you.
6. wat Taylor Swift song r yu?
7. Which transformer are you.
8. What food are you.
9. What alcoholic drink are you.
10. What Energy Drink Are You.
11. How dirty is your mind.
12. How well do you know *this idiot*.
13. How well do you know erotic movies.
14. When will you get married?
15. How many times will you get married?
... countless, also there are like 1000 quizzes of the same title.
It's like the Fb quizzes and people playing the quiz have the fetish of role-playing, one second they want to know what Taylor Swift's song suits them the most in the bedroom, then, here comes the food and energy/alcoholic drink you play that your boyfriend/girlfriend might like to watch.
Those quizzes, though were specially designed and written to give you an insight on your "deepest ocean", were like, written by bunches of idiots, idiots from or not from English-speaking countries who cannot even type proper English with proper punctuations! I tried to sit myself down and clicked some answers out of curiosity of how dumb those idiots can actually be, but their crap English and bad grammars are giving me a headache.
After spending like an hour reading and understanding the sentences with bad English that make no sense, you could choose whether to spam 3 of your friends or not, then you gotta wait for another 30 minutes until you no longer see the error loading result message to get your very stupid and no-sense making dumb analysis.
Like this quiz titled "How good are you in bed", are you kidding me? This quiz has to like, fuck me to know the result!
I did the girlfriend-analyse quiz, I remember myself selected a few sex-related answers and boom, suddenly, I transformed from "an innocent angel with a touch of naughtiness" into a sex demanding machine who wants nothing more but sex in a relationship!
Before I pull a real full stop to this entry, I would like to take this chance to announce some of the up-coming quizzes on Fb, be the first to take them!
1. Which Jesus Christ are you?
2. Which animal are you most likely to have sex with when you're drunk?
3. Which Hefner's dumb bunny are you?
4. Which US president are you, George W. Bush, George W. Bush or George W. Bush?
5. Which Michael Jackson's personality are you?
6. Which Iran soldier are you?
7. What colour of a shoelace are you?
8. Which post office are you?
9. What size of a mosquito are you?
10. Which Paris Hilton's (former or recent) boyfriend are you?
Congratulations, you purple-coloured shoelace, you scored an overall of 70%, which means you are most likely to have sex with a HIPPOPOTAMUS when you're drunk!
You are also the very noble Iran soldier named Seyid Mooshihoosh Tottiojham Orghad-Gorgollah and you're the Edgware Road Post Office in London.
--Oops, error loading results--
By the way, don't be too upset to find out you die on the same day with your girlfriend in 2021 by choking, you know you can always prevent it now that you know.
... or let's narrow it down to the quizzes, shall we?
Ever since Facebook changes its layout it's flooded with nothing but stupid applications especially the stupid quizzes, you never really noticed them before because they were not published on your main wall on the old layout.
Let's take a look at the stupid quizzes that I heard of before, the titles, are merely original:
1. What are you born to do.
2. How gay are you?
3. When will you DIE
4. When Will You Die ?!! ... >
5. What kinda girlfriend are you.
6. wat Taylor Swift song r yu?
7. Which transformer are you.
8. What food are you.
9. What alcoholic drink are you.
10. What Energy Drink Are You.
11. How dirty is your mind.
12. How well do you know *this idiot*.
13. How well do you know erotic movies.
14. When will you get married?
15. How many times will you get married?
... countless, also there are like 1000 quizzes of the same title.
It's like the Fb quizzes and people playing the quiz have the fetish of role-playing, one second they want to know what Taylor Swift's song suits them the most in the bedroom, then, here comes the food and energy/alcoholic drink you play that your boyfriend/girlfriend might like to watch.
Those quizzes, though were specially designed and written to give you an insight on your "deepest ocean", were like, written by bunches of idiots, idiots from or not from English-speaking countries who cannot even type proper English with proper punctuations! I tried to sit myself down and clicked some answers out of curiosity of how dumb those idiots can actually be, but their crap English and bad grammars are giving me a headache.
After spending like an hour reading and understanding the sentences with bad English that make no sense, you could choose whether to spam 3 of your friends or not, then you gotta wait for another 30 minutes until you no longer see the error loading result message to get your very stupid and no-sense making dumb analysis.
Like this quiz titled "How good are you in bed", are you kidding me? This quiz has to like, fuck me to know the result!
I did the girlfriend-analyse quiz, I remember myself selected a few sex-related answers and boom, suddenly, I transformed from "an innocent angel with a touch of naughtiness" into a sex demanding machine who wants nothing more but sex in a relationship!
Before I pull a real full stop to this entry, I would like to take this chance to announce some of the up-coming quizzes on Fb, be the first to take them!
1. Which Jesus Christ are you?
2. Which animal are you most likely to have sex with when you're drunk?
3. Which Hefner's dumb bunny are you?
4. Which US president are you, George W. Bush, George W. Bush or George W. Bush?
5. Which Michael Jackson's personality are you?
6. Which Iran soldier are you?
7. What colour of a shoelace are you?
8. Which post office are you?
9. What size of a mosquito are you?
10. Which Paris Hilton's (former or recent) boyfriend are you?
Congratulations, you purple-coloured shoelace, you scored an overall of 70%, which means you are most likely to have sex with a HIPPOPOTAMUS when you're drunk!
You are also the very noble Iran soldier named Seyid Mooshihoosh Tottiojham Orghad-Gorgollah and you're the Edgware Road Post Office in London.
--Oops, error loading results--
By the way, don't be too upset to find out you die on the same day with your girlfriend in 2021 by choking, you know you can always prevent it now that you know.
Sunday, 7 June 2009
The Formula of Watching The One Formula
I don't get what the fuss is all about with F1.
I was here in a bar in Singapore, watching my kinda first but not really first F1 with Alberto. You see nothing but cars, hear nothing but noise. The only reason of my presence was because of the long awaited Roland Garros final between Federer and Soderling.
I stared directly at the screen for 5 minutes and yet, I don't really get what's so interesting about it.
Why the hell are people so into F1??! That's what I asked Alberto. He asked me back why I am so into tennis.
Duh, tennis and F1 are very different, for instance, you actually see people hitting the ball but who do you see in a circuit? Lot of oh-whose-car-is-it-again and those racing drivers look very much like power rangers to me!
I feel like an idiot watching F1, you don't know who's in the car, you don't know what happen and also, you're telling me you are able to hear the commentary with those noise?
Basically, you're also watching the cars through smoke, like a Hollywood-blockbuster-Steven-Seagal movie!
Who has the patience watching those weird-looking cars driving by one by one for 90 minutes??!
Like I said, all you see are cars overtaking one another and cars refueling somewhere. I mean, those people who like F1 so much, why don't they just go to a highway or a petrol station??
... and yet, people were so happy and proud spending a fortune going to watch the F1 race LIVE, ooh, even more exciting isn't it?
I wonder what kinda "whole new experience" it is watching power rangers drive.
I was here in a bar in Singapore, watching my kinda first but not really first F1 with Alberto. You see nothing but cars, hear nothing but noise. The only reason of my presence was because of the long awaited Roland Garros final between Federer and Soderling.
I stared directly at the screen for 5 minutes and yet, I don't really get what's so interesting about it.
Why the hell are people so into F1??! That's what I asked Alberto. He asked me back why I am so into tennis.
Duh, tennis and F1 are very different, for instance, you actually see people hitting the ball but who do you see in a circuit? Lot of oh-whose-car-is-it-again and those racing drivers look very much like power rangers to me!
I feel like an idiot watching F1, you don't know who's in the car, you don't know what happen and also, you're telling me you are able to hear the commentary with those noise?
Basically, you're also watching the cars through smoke, like a Hollywood-blockbuster-Steven-Seagal movie!
Who has the patience watching those weird-looking cars driving by one by one for 90 minutes??!
Like I said, all you see are cars overtaking one another and cars refueling somewhere. I mean, those people who like F1 so much, why don't they just go to a highway or a petrol station??
... and yet, people were so happy and proud spending a fortune going to watch the F1 race LIVE, ooh, even more exciting isn't it?
I wonder what kinda "whole new experience" it is watching power rangers drive.
The "Touch-My-Ass-With-Moral" Act
You know, for being a small country, Singapore has the ability of making people go "duh" twice every 10 seconds.
I am not only talking about the over-caustioness of this do-not-bomb-my-MRT thing, but several websites they blocked thanks to the word "moral".
Oh yeah, Singapore blocked several websites that are believed to be lack of moral to the naked eye.
You gotta be someone with moral, or at least try to be, if you want to be in Singapore.
They do not want their people to turn out to be perverted like others around the world you see. Here's how I found out.
Yesterday night when I was "trying" to surf the site pornotube.com, this thingy appeared out of nowhere.
"The site you requested is not accessible.
He told me, Singapore network blocked this site.
How smart.
He also told me Singapore network also blocked playboy.com.
How fucking smarter!
I really cannot believe this. They blocked sites that's nothing compared to other even worse sites?? I mean, didn't they like survey first and get a list of all the not-so-moral-friendly sites first before they do all the blocking???
Look at Playboy. It's a complete WTF situation. I mean, there's nothing more than a few bimboly dumb college girls telling others their favourite food happened to be birds while they hold open their genitias, nor Hefner posing with his dumb-shit "bunnies" telling the whole world how to work till your last drop with viagra.
Even though men claimed that Playboy is a magazine with class so they can read it with dignity, naked girls are nothing compared to even worse magazines. Magazines like Hustler or Private.
You know Private magazine? Lots of girls hold up one penis really closed to their mouths while this man... Oh, how lack of Moral!
... and Hustler? Well, I am not going to ramble on.
Yet they don't block sites like that. And there are even more porn streaming sites that's just like pornotube! Those dudes working for Singapore network really need to have advance knowledge of naughty sites on the world wide web. No wonder, they're with moral so they only know a few naughty sites with a little bit of moral disruption.
If they care about Moral this much, why don't they start with giving seats to those in need?
How smart, I am completely speechless. Conclusion, be smart enough to use a proxy!
I am not only talking about the over-caustioness of this do-not-bomb-my-MRT thing, but several websites they blocked thanks to the word "moral".
Oh yeah, Singapore blocked several websites that are believed to be lack of moral to the naked eye.
You gotta be someone with moral, or at least try to be, if you want to be in Singapore.
They do not want their people to turn out to be perverted like others around the world you see. Here's how I found out.
Yesterday night when I was "trying" to surf the site pornotube.com, this thingy appeared out of nowhere.
"The site you requested is not accessible.
For more information please check Media Development Authority."
For someone who's fairly innocent like me, I have no shitty idea of what this is about, I refreshed the page a few times but still no luck. So I gave the dude outside a shout: "Alberto, come take a look at this and tell me what it is."He told me, Singapore network blocked this site.
How smart.
He also told me Singapore network also blocked playboy.com.
How fucking smarter!
I really cannot believe this. They blocked sites that's nothing compared to other even worse sites?? I mean, didn't they like survey first and get a list of all the not-so-moral-friendly sites first before they do all the blocking???
Look at Playboy. It's a complete WTF situation. I mean, there's nothing more than a few bimboly dumb college girls telling others their favourite food happened to be birds while they hold open their genitias, nor Hefner posing with his dumb-shit "bunnies" telling the whole world how to work till your last drop with viagra.
Even though men claimed that Playboy is a magazine with class so they can read it with dignity, naked girls are nothing compared to even worse magazines. Magazines like Hustler or Private.
You know Private magazine? Lots of girls hold up one penis really closed to their mouths while this man... Oh, how lack of Moral!
... and Hustler? Well, I am not going to ramble on.
Yet they don't block sites like that. And there are even more porn streaming sites that's just like pornotube! Those dudes working for Singapore network really need to have advance knowledge of naughty sites on the world wide web. No wonder, they're with moral so they only know a few naughty sites with a little bit of moral disruption.
If they care about Moral this much, why don't they start with giving seats to those in need?
How smart, I am completely speechless. Conclusion, be smart enough to use a proxy!
Sunday, 31 May 2009
The Search for a Perfect Companion
You know how it feels when you're struggling whether to cheat on your girlfriend/boyfriend or not, right?
Well, this is almost just like how I'm feeling right now.
Almost indicates that same feeling, different situation.
I've had my eyes on Asus Eee PC netbook for weeks despite its ugly logo, I want it so badly.
Actually, I first had my eyes on Acer Aspire One netbook as I thought Acer was more trustful and "Eee PC" isn't properly capped so it makes me a little reluctant, plus, the ugly logo is a big no-no at first.
But then I did some research and found out Eee is so much better than Acer, therefore I switch my interest. Ok, I cheated on Acer without having a relationship, I only liked it for no more than an hour or two so I guess I wasn't really cheating.
This Asus EEE PC (I will cap it properly from now on), 1000HE is like a treat to the eye (the improper cap and ugly logo aren't treating my other eye too well) and more, not only it got very good reviews from others, it also lasts like 9.5 hours!
Who doesn't like a man that lasts more than he's supposed to? Same thing goes with laptops.
So ok, I was almost certain it's the netbook I am going to get and I've already made plan to get it the upcoming Friday, which was like 5/6 days later, it's already a big torture, believe me, I barely wait for something for more than 3 days.
The only con of EEE 1000HE is its weight. 1.45kg, like an elephant compared to other netbooks. That's ok, I like it enough to tolerate that. You know, it's normal to have a little flaw somewhere.
So I've been telling myself and Alberto that the weight is nothing, 350g is more or less like another mobile, but he kept telling me to look more. Yeah right, when I have my eyes on something, VERY difficult for me to change my mind.
Unless along came another EEE PC...
I did some research to satisfy Alberto as he claimed it's important for the 350g since I never travel light, he's kinda right but I really don't feel like switching, I'm stubborn, extremely.
First of all, I checked 1002HA which is finished with an alloy casing. I have a thing for alloy. It's lighter and more stylish but the thing is, it doesn't get as good reviews as 1000HE.
But then by chance, I found Asus EEE PC 1008HA Seashell...
It's like when you're stuck with someone you're really happy with though he's a bit overweight, another guy who's so bloody-damn-extremely fit, good-looking, sexy and stylish comes your way, he's so bloody hot you cannot resist him..
Oh yeah, goodbye EEE 1000HE, it's very nice knowing ya!
The look of EEE Seashell is so bloody perfect I don't think I can open my eyes for any other netbooks. I did not really check out the reviews, you know, it's so bloody good-looking I think I can tolerate ANY flaws it has.
One problem though, it has not hit the stores yet. The fastest I can get is in Singapore, about 3 weeks later, with a slightly higher price.
I never like something I cannot get for more than 2 weeks, but for it, I am willing to wait but not too much, of course!
Though Alberto suggested Dell Mini 10, I did some research again, it's graphic isn't too outstanding so it's a good reason not to get it.
Like I always say, it's very difficult for me to switch interests when I have my eyes on something.
Unless along came another HP Mini 1109TU netbook..
Just when you thought your hottest netbook in the world cannot get any hotter and there's no competitors, there's always somebody knocking on your door, another opportunity from somebody or something that's more attractive!
You know, this struggle is never going to end for somebody as shallow as me..
Well, this is almost just like how I'm feeling right now.
Almost indicates that same feeling, different situation.
I've had my eyes on Asus Eee PC netbook for weeks despite its ugly logo, I want it so badly.
Actually, I first had my eyes on Acer Aspire One netbook as I thought Acer was more trustful and "Eee PC" isn't properly capped so it makes me a little reluctant, plus, the ugly logo is a big no-no at first.
But then I did some research and found out Eee is so much better than Acer, therefore I switch my interest. Ok, I cheated on Acer without having a relationship, I only liked it for no more than an hour or two so I guess I wasn't really cheating.
This Asus EEE PC (I will cap it properly from now on), 1000HE is like a treat to the eye (the improper cap and ugly logo aren't treating my other eye too well) and more, not only it got very good reviews from others, it also lasts like 9.5 hours!
Who doesn't like a man that lasts more than he's supposed to? Same thing goes with laptops.
So ok, I was almost certain it's the netbook I am going to get and I've already made plan to get it the upcoming Friday, which was like 5/6 days later, it's already a big torture, believe me, I barely wait for something for more than 3 days.
The only con of EEE 1000HE is its weight. 1.45kg, like an elephant compared to other netbooks. That's ok, I like it enough to tolerate that. You know, it's normal to have a little flaw somewhere.
So I've been telling myself and Alberto that the weight is nothing, 350g is more or less like another mobile, but he kept telling me to look more. Yeah right, when I have my eyes on something, VERY difficult for me to change my mind.
Unless along came another EEE PC...
I did some research to satisfy Alberto as he claimed it's important for the 350g since I never travel light, he's kinda right but I really don't feel like switching, I'm stubborn, extremely.
First of all, I checked 1002HA which is finished with an alloy casing. I have a thing for alloy. It's lighter and more stylish but the thing is, it doesn't get as good reviews as 1000HE.
But then by chance, I found Asus EEE PC 1008HA Seashell...
It's like when you're stuck with someone you're really happy with though he's a bit overweight, another guy who's so bloody-damn-extremely fit, good-looking, sexy and stylish comes your way, he's so bloody hot you cannot resist him..
Oh yeah, goodbye EEE 1000HE, it's very nice knowing ya!
The look of EEE Seashell is so bloody perfect I don't think I can open my eyes for any other netbooks. I did not really check out the reviews, you know, it's so bloody good-looking I think I can tolerate ANY flaws it has.
One problem though, it has not hit the stores yet. The fastest I can get is in Singapore, about 3 weeks later, with a slightly higher price.
I never like something I cannot get for more than 2 weeks, but for it, I am willing to wait but not too much, of course!
Though Alberto suggested Dell Mini 10, I did some research again, it's graphic isn't too outstanding so it's a good reason not to get it.
Like I always say, it's very difficult for me to switch interests when I have my eyes on something.
Unless along came another HP Mini 1109TU netbook..
Just when you thought your hottest netbook in the world cannot get any hotter and there's no competitors, there's always somebody knocking on your door, another opportunity from somebody or something that's more attractive!
You know, this struggle is never going to end for somebody as shallow as me..
Thursday, 5 March 2009
The Love That is oh-so-bloody-hard to Suppress
WAHA.. MUAHA... Can anyone tell me what's the perfect laughter to suit this feeling I have?
You know, most people don't care about how much you love your boyfriend/girlfriend, how happy, how much of a perfect couple you are blah blah, but some couples are so obsessed with each other they just don't get it.
I came to this girl's facebook profile page by chance and her face looked kinda weird and twisted, therefore I clicked on it for a larger view...
These people are the people who need a good slap on their face.
Tell me, why do people need to fucking flirt or express their love or fucking ask lots of questions publicly when they have a bedroom together??
Don't you feel a bit eww when you see people desperately expressing their love publicly like they're scared no one in this world knows how in love/romantic they are?!
The first thing that came across me was not the really-does-look-twisted face of hers, it's the bloody comments her boyfriend posted on every single one of her pictures..
Read my lips, EVERY FUCKING SINGLE ONE!!
The boyfriend has the incredible ability to make you roll your eyes, like a thousand times per minute, also, he is good giving you piloerection a.k.a. goose bumps.
Believe it or not, no matter how normal, usual or whatever she looked, he is able to find stuffs to say for the sake of saying them.
Like this: (the following conversations are rated "PG-13")
(Scene 1)
He: Wow, I like this picture, you look stunning! Love you xxxxx
She: Thank you baby, love you baby xxxxx
(Scene 2)
He: Aww.. Baby so cute! Love you xxxxx
She: Thank you baby, love you too, I will dream of you tonight xxxx
(Scene 3)
He: My girlfriend is fucking beautiful!
She: Yes, I will always be yours... (girlfriend, not fiancée, not wife, I get it)
He: Love you baby.
(Scene 4)
He: Who is that gorgeous woman I kissed in this picture?
She: She is happy always when he is kissing her.
He: Aww... He looked happy too, I am sure they very happy when they hold each others in their arms and kiss passionately... Love you sweetie!
(Scene 5)
He: Who is that sexy and beautiful woman I see in this picture?
She: She is the one that loves her baby very very very much...
He: Love you too baby, miss you very very very much xxx
She: Miss you too xxxx
(Scene 6)
He: Baby looked so beautiful in her new dress! (baby as referred to her)
She: Baby is so much sexier! (baby as referred to him)
He: Baby is better anyway... (her, again)
She: ... blah blah blah... Time to work, stay focused or I'll tell your boss! I am sending lots of hugs and kisses..
(Scene 7)
He: My baby is the cutest baby in the world.
Then it became a bit "R-rated" as he said something about her amazing ass...
Then they smartly bring out the proposal story (still in the comment section), how was her response, how was his response, blah blah, some friends were like.. "aww, you guys are so cute and adorable!" after reading their love-expressing comments and oh-so-unforgetfully-sweet history, but really, those people really mean that?!
Who cares about how in love you are?! Who wants to know all those single, little, unuseful, impractical details?!
... I cannot type more anymore, with every line I typed I laughed the crap of out myself, I can't torture myself like this.
I get it, the photo albums are becoming love-expressing chatrooms.
These people have a whole new perspective on the word "comment".
I really feel like copying-and-pasting the whole thing but I will not to protect their identity.
Also, I have corrected some of their grammar mistakes and spellings, the other ones are so disgusting and by correcting them I am taking away the essence. Shame on these people, native English speakers but their English is so crap.
I am lucky, if Alberto was like this guy I think I would've had a very serious talk with him or even to delete his comments; he would've done the same to me anyway.
I am also lucky my friends on the list do not flirt this disgustingly with each other.
So how in love are you?
Nobody cares.
You know, most people don't care about how much you love your boyfriend/girlfriend, how happy, how much of a perfect couple you are blah blah, but some couples are so obsessed with each other they just don't get it.
I came to this girl's facebook profile page by chance and her face looked kinda weird and twisted, therefore I clicked on it for a larger view...
These people are the people who need a good slap on their face.
Tell me, why do people need to fucking flirt or express their love or fucking ask lots of questions publicly when they have a bedroom together??
Don't you feel a bit eww when you see people desperately expressing their love publicly like they're scared no one in this world knows how in love/romantic they are?!
The first thing that came across me was not the really-does-look-twisted face of hers, it's the bloody comments her boyfriend posted on every single one of her pictures..
Read my lips, EVERY FUCKING SINGLE ONE!!
The boyfriend has the incredible ability to make you roll your eyes, like a thousand times per minute, also, he is good giving you piloerection a.k.a. goose bumps.
Believe it or not, no matter how normal, usual or whatever she looked, he is able to find stuffs to say for the sake of saying them.
Like this: (the following conversations are rated "PG-13")
(Scene 1)
He: Wow, I like this picture, you look stunning! Love you xxxxx
She: Thank you baby, love you baby xxxxx
(Scene 2)
He: Aww.. Baby so cute! Love you xxxxx
She: Thank you baby, love you too, I will dream of you tonight xxxx
(Scene 3)
He: My girlfriend is fucking beautiful!
She: Yes, I will always be yours... (girlfriend, not fiancée, not wife, I get it)
He: Love you baby.
(Scene 4)
He: Who is that gorgeous woman I kissed in this picture?
She: She is happy always when he is kissing her.
He: Aww... He looked happy too, I am sure they very happy when they hold each others in their arms and kiss passionately... Love you sweetie!
(Scene 5)
He: Who is that sexy and beautiful woman I see in this picture?
She: She is the one that loves her baby very very very much...
He: Love you too baby, miss you very very very much xxx
She: Miss you too xxxx
(Scene 6)
He: Baby looked so beautiful in her new dress! (baby as referred to her)
She: Baby is so much sexier! (baby as referred to him)
He: Baby is better anyway... (her, again)
She: ... blah blah blah... Time to work, stay focused or I'll tell your boss! I am sending lots of hugs and kisses..
(Scene 7)
He: My baby is the cutest baby in the world.
Then it became a bit "R-rated" as he said something about her amazing ass...
Then they smartly bring out the proposal story (still in the comment section), how was her response, how was his response, blah blah, some friends were like.. "aww, you guys are so cute and adorable!" after reading their love-expressing comments and oh-so-unforgetfully-sweet history, but really, those people really mean that?!
Who cares about how in love you are?! Who wants to know all those single, little, unuseful, impractical details?!
... I cannot type more anymore, with every line I typed I laughed the crap of out myself, I can't torture myself like this.
I get it, the photo albums are becoming love-expressing chatrooms.
These people have a whole new perspective on the word "comment".
I really feel like copying-and-pasting the whole thing but I will not to protect their identity.
Also, I have corrected some of their grammar mistakes and spellings, the other ones are so disgusting and by correcting them I am taking away the essence. Shame on these people, native English speakers but their English is so crap.
I am lucky, if Alberto was like this guy I think I would've had a very serious talk with him or even to delete his comments; he would've done the same to me anyway.
I am also lucky my friends on the list do not flirt this disgustingly with each other.
So how in love are you?
Nobody cares.
Wednesday, 4 March 2009
The Confusion among the Confusion
I recently signed up to a forum that helps people to improve their English.
The thing about the forum is, it is not run by bunches of intelligent people, yes, there are people who are good at English who help others but there are also some very idiotic people who came around, feeling the need to help others with their crap English.
It is completely unnecessary and it creates confusion.
I'd say my English is fine but it's not good enough to help people with these standards, I find it incredibly difficult to answer some of the questions.
I signed up there to ask questions about sentences that my students made and I was not sure whether it's right or wrong.
I really cannot count on some of my school teachers, I really doubt their grammar standard sometimes.
Some sentences I know are right, they claimed it's wrong. Some sentences I know are wrong, they claimed it's right!
The thing is, they refused to believe me when I was right about some grammatical rules!
It's really difficult to argue with them as they think I am oh-so-bloody fresh I do not know shit about English and they are oh-so-bloody experienced so they know every single grammatical shit.
So, the good way is to post it online, wait for some geniuses to answer then print it out to shut their mouth.
By chance, I saw this 22-year-old girl whom I felt like mocking completely, she was correcting people's English with her own lame English.
I do not laugh or make fun of people who want to improve their English. Sometimes I correct Alberto's English and realised he was right, I was wrong. But when somebody posted something online, it's just stupid to correct his English when (a)you are not sure, (b) your English is pretty crap too.
Look at these 2 examples:
1. Subject: "The people"
Q: Is it okay to say,
The people line up to buy food.
She answered:
"I think that can be use and it has another choices, too
Urm.. I don't want to correct her English but this guy is asking whether "the people" is right or wrong, also, the usage of "line up" is correct. What is she thinking?!
2. Subject: "He and Adam"
Q: Can I say,
He and Adam have gone to the market.
She answered:
Adam and him have gone to the market.
WTF?!?!
First of all, "He and Adam have gone to the market." is correct; second of all, "Adam and him have gone to the market." is wrong as "Him have gone to the market." does not make sense; third of all, "I hope it might be work!" is a complete WTF!
With this kinda lame grammar standard, this girl still felt like correcting somebody's grammar, my god...
She is confusing the asker!
I really felt like saying something mean like telling her not to confuse people if she's not sure about her English and tell her her English really sucks, but then again, my English is not that perfect so I am not in any position to be this mean publicly.
Look at this one again:
Q:Can I say,
(a) After a few days, the seed grew up. Jonathan was surprised when saw the golden papaya tree.
(b) The seed grew into a papaya tree / a papaya.
(c) The papaya tree grew some papayas.
(d) The seed became a papaya / papaya tree.
She answered:
Could it be..,
(a) After a few days, the seed grew up. Jonathanwas surprised when he saw the golden papaya tree.
(b) The seed grewinto ( to be : "I'm not sure") a papaya tree / a papaya.
The thing about the forum is, it is not run by bunches of intelligent people, yes, there are people who are good at English who help others but there are also some very idiotic people who came around, feeling the need to help others with their crap English.
It is completely unnecessary and it creates confusion.
I'd say my English is fine but it's not good enough to help people with these standards, I find it incredibly difficult to answer some of the questions.
I signed up there to ask questions about sentences that my students made and I was not sure whether it's right or wrong.
I really cannot count on some of my school teachers, I really doubt their grammar standard sometimes.
Some sentences I know are right, they claimed it's wrong. Some sentences I know are wrong, they claimed it's right!
The thing is, they refused to believe me when I was right about some grammatical rules!
It's really difficult to argue with them as they think I am oh-so-bloody fresh I do not know shit about English and they are oh-so-bloody experienced so they know every single grammatical shit.
So, the good way is to post it online, wait for some geniuses to answer then print it out to shut their mouth.
By chance, I saw this 22-year-old girl whom I felt like mocking completely, she was correcting people's English with her own lame English.
I do not laugh or make fun of people who want to improve their English. Sometimes I correct Alberto's English and realised he was right, I was wrong. But when somebody posted something online, it's just stupid to correct his English when (a)you are not sure, (b) your English is pretty crap too.
Look at these 2 examples:
1. Subject: "The people"
Q: Is it okay to say,
The people line up to buy food.
She answered:
"I think that can be use and it has another choices, too
The people queue up to .. .
The people stand in line to .........
Hope that can help you."Urm.. I don't want to correct her English but this guy is asking whether "the people" is right or wrong, also, the usage of "line up" is correct. What is she thinking?!
2. Subject: "He and Adam"
Q: Can I say,
He and Adam have gone to the market.
She answered:
Adam and him have gone to the market.
OR
They have gone to the market.
I hope it might be work!"WTF?!?!
First of all, "He and Adam have gone to the market." is correct; second of all, "Adam and him have gone to the market." is wrong as "Him have gone to the market." does not make sense; third of all, "I hope it might be work!" is a complete WTF!
With this kinda lame grammar standard, this girl still felt like correcting somebody's grammar, my god...
She is confusing the asker!
I really felt like saying something mean like telling her not to confuse people if she's not sure about her English and tell her her English really sucks, but then again, my English is not that perfect so I am not in any position to be this mean publicly.
Look at this one again:
Q:Can I say,
(a) After a few days, the seed grew up. Jonathan was surprised when saw the golden papaya tree.
(b) The seed grew into a papaya tree / a papaya.
(c) The papaya tree grew some papayas.
(d) The seed became a papaya / papaya tree.
She answered:
Could it be..,
(a) After a few days, the seed grew up. Jonathan
(b) The seed grew
OR (b) The seed BECAME a papaya tree / a papaya.
(c) The papaya tree grew (gave) some papayas.
(d) The seed became a papaya / papaya tree.
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