Kuala Lumpur is so flooded with idiots lately.
I know, I enjoy calling people idiots a lot but I really do mean it this time.
If you feel bored and want to fool someone stupid when they try to hoax you, you should really take a walk down Kuala Lumpur, try Chinatown.
Every Friday when I go there waiting for my bus to take me back to the arms of my lovely daddy and mummy, god wants me to bump into these group of idiots.
They walk around holding a little pile of perhaps, cards, kinda follow you around for awhile, claiming they are from a very big company giving out prizes to lucky people.
Hmm, interesting, I was once a grand prize winner.
I still remember when I was walking towards the monorail of Bukit Bintang one day, some idiot came to me, out of nowhere, out of the blue, handed me a piece of cards/brochure/paper-like thingy, wanted me to take one to support their promotion.
It was so out of nowhere, my mind went blank, you know, just like it did when you saw your future ex-boyfriend for the very first time.
So my fate was in his palm, apparently I took a card before I realised it.
Now one more guy whom I would call Mr Douchebag walked towards me, waiting impatiently trying to see what was inside the paper.
It was like time completely stopped, we all completely stopped breathing.
... and before my gigantic-sized brain could start functioning, they started jumping up and down, just like Barney the dinosaur.
Shhh, silly monkeys, now we don't need any unwanted attention do we?
They were so ecstatic you actually thought they were on excessive viagra and they were waaayyyy pass the oh-I-am-so-hard point.
Suddenly, I AM the grand prize winner! *gasp* Oh my god, I knew I am "doomed" to be lucky!
Watching the two orange Barneys jumping up and down (hmm, not purple, not this time), I think it's a big shame they don't participate in Olympics.
They showed me a menu and told me I should really rush to their centre now, which is nowhere out of nowhere. Of course, my car is not with me so I really can't go.
Then they told me how this is my once-in-a-lifetime chance, yeah, I think I heard that before.
The grand prize was over RM5000 for sure so I'd be the biggest fool not being in a taxi heading towards heaven right now, heaven where my 72 virgins were waiting for me.
Nahh, not a big fan of virgins.
Ok, first of all and seriously, taking a taxi to that place, the fucking lucky taxi driver will probably rip me more than 5k, so I don't think the taxi option is that tempting.
Second of all, their prizes were like, a trip to I-don't-know-where-oh-was-it-Zimbabwe, a fridge, a Vaio, a Honda, a telly, a boombox, or whatever, things I don't really need, I don't really want and I don't really care.
Hmm, just when I thought I was too lucky to be true, Mr Douchebag asked me to draw another card out of his pile to prove that all their cards are not the same.
Ok, I won a pen this time, I guess we don't win grand prizes twice in a day.
I was a little bit too kind and innocent to believe the guys were fake, plus I really didn't want and couldn't go to that place so I handed him my grand prize card and told him he could have mine.
You know how Buddha taught us to share stuffs and give love to others, especially the retarded ones.
Kinda surprised with my reaction, they asked me to sign the card, saying they will get money for people signing.
Oh wow, I feel like Britney!
Yeah whatever, thankfully they let me go and went to find their next targets.
This thing completely slipped my mind until I met the similar excessive-viagra-taking Barneys in Chinatown, again, doing their Barney charm.
I am telling you, you have never seen a guy this ecstatic your whole life and you never will until you meet these guys!
This company sure knows how to hire people who can jump!
Apparently, people living in KL are winning grand prizes worth more than 5k every day, I guess god really does exist and we are all really that lucky.
I would really love to play that game again, I guess it's my chance to strike again after 6 months.
Are you bored? Well, take a walk down Chinatown with me then.
Thursday, 21 January 2010
Friday, 15 January 2010
The Silk Under the Sun
I am thinking, since we don't see penises in a condom ad, it's normal not to see hair in a haircare advert too.
When I first saw the Sunsilk ad somewhere here in Malaysia, I was completely blown away. The advert featured four beautiful women including one, clearly Muslim.
Let's not be offensive but be clear, we don't really see those Yes-Muslim-for-sure-I-am people except when it comes to ads that are promoting Islam stuffs, like opening a bank account in an Islamic bank (Buddha and Jesus should really consider opening a bank too), getting a credit card which every penny you spend is "truly Allah" (according to a radio ad, no kidding, people) or getting some Muslim-only-exclusive insurance.
... but a haircare advert, seriously?
Those 3 women without the head scarf were proudly showing off their hair just like Ziyi Zhang or any other spokewomen except the fourth one, she was posing in such, such, such a conservative and humble pose. For a minute, you're very very confused.
Let's face it, we don't see this kinda advertisement every day.
I mean, her head is completely covered in headscarf.
Urm, wait a minute, if you're advertising about hair, it's only normal to show, a least, a tiny little grasp of hairs isn't it?
Pantene sure plays the game that way.
Alright I get it, perhaps the shampoo named Sunsilk can make your hair turn into green silks, I guess they're not joking.
Didn't the art director asked her to remove the headscarf before they proceeded with the photo shoot??
The lime-flavoured shampoo, acts perhaps, like a lime-flavoured washing detergen.
I guess when we finally see penises in a condom ad, Sunsilk would consider showing some hair.
Sunsilk, also truly Allah.
When I first saw the Sunsilk ad somewhere here in Malaysia, I was completely blown away. The advert featured four beautiful women including one, clearly Muslim.
Let's not be offensive but be clear, we don't really see those Yes-Muslim-for-sure-I-am people except when it comes to ads that are promoting Islam stuffs, like opening a bank account in an Islamic bank (Buddha and Jesus should really consider opening a bank too), getting a credit card which every penny you spend is "truly Allah" (according to a radio ad, no kidding, people) or getting some Muslim-only-exclusive insurance.
... but a haircare advert, seriously?
Those 3 women without the head scarf were proudly showing off their hair just like Ziyi Zhang or any other spokewomen except the fourth one, she was posing in such, such, such a conservative and humble pose. For a minute, you're very very confused.
Let's face it, we don't see this kinda advertisement every day.
I mean, her head is completely covered in headscarf.
Urm, wait a minute, if you're advertising about hair, it's only normal to show, a least, a tiny little grasp of hairs isn't it?
Pantene sure plays the game that way.
Alright I get it, perhaps the shampoo named Sunsilk can make your hair turn into green silks, I guess they're not joking.
Didn't the art director asked her to remove the headscarf before they proceeded with the photo shoot??
The lime-flavoured shampoo, acts perhaps, like a lime-flavoured washing detergen.
I guess when we finally see penises in a condom ad, Sunsilk would consider showing some hair.
Sunsilk, also truly Allah.
Tuesday, 12 January 2010
The Wisdom in Your Pants
Don't you just love it, when a woman, sexy or not, wearing extremely low-cut jeans, bend over and reveal you her very own casino slot?
If, I mean if, her slot is half covered by a very ugly-looking piece of material which looked like she's wore it for over 10 years, you get sort of turned off and hope she has a better taste when it comes to choosing underwear.
Buying underwear, I believe, is wisdom.
You should always choose comfortable underwear, true, but let's not kid ourselves, why not spend a couple of extra bucks buying nicer looking undies?
I believe it's my OCD speaking, when I see the underwear behind the low cuts, especially if it looked really ugly and old and the colour is not very friendly with the low cuts.
If women are wearing low cuts with ugly looking briefs, they should at least try to hide what's on the inside, perhaps by folding it down.
I remember there was once when Annie and I were shopping somewhere in Singapore, there's somewhere doing a promotion for men's underwear.
She handed me a box of ugly undies, you know, the really same disgusting-looking brief on a Japanese porn actor, the 5-for-$11.99 kind, the same type that gets a few holes and discoloured after washing, that also promises to turn your sex appetite off only by taking an indirect look at it.
Which is one of the reasons why I don't watch Japanese porns.
She asked if I would like to buy it for Alberto.
First of all, when you buy comfortable underwear (not the kinky G-string type), you get immediate promotion from a girlfriend to his own personal homemaker.
Second of all, which is the most important fact in this matter, I said, I would immediately dump any guy I date, if he wore this sort of underwear.
If I really had to buy him something, oh believe me, it won't be anything comfortable.
I believe, it's only normal, not wishing to get turned off after getting turned on, and it's kinda rude saying "my dear, I believe we're not working out and the reason is your horrible looking underwear."
As shallow as I am, whatever, I am a perfectionist and I like things to work my way.
Annie looked at me like I am a shallow man.
If someone is going to look at your underwear, why do you buy cheap and ugly looking underwear to torture that person?
I have my preference, what do you care?
Yes, I know if love is enough, one wouldn't have cared. But there is only so much one can take.
If, I mean if, her slot is half covered by a very ugly-looking piece of material which looked like she's wore it for over 10 years, you get sort of turned off and hope she has a better taste when it comes to choosing underwear.
Buying underwear, I believe, is wisdom.
You should always choose comfortable underwear, true, but let's not kid ourselves, why not spend a couple of extra bucks buying nicer looking undies?
I believe it's my OCD speaking, when I see the underwear behind the low cuts, especially if it looked really ugly and old and the colour is not very friendly with the low cuts.
If women are wearing low cuts with ugly looking briefs, they should at least try to hide what's on the inside, perhaps by folding it down.
I remember there was once when Annie and I were shopping somewhere in Singapore, there's somewhere doing a promotion for men's underwear.
She handed me a box of ugly undies, you know, the really same disgusting-looking brief on a Japanese porn actor, the 5-for-$11.99 kind, the same type that gets a few holes and discoloured after washing, that also promises to turn your sex appetite off only by taking an indirect look at it.
Which is one of the reasons why I don't watch Japanese porns.
She asked if I would like to buy it for Alberto.
First of all, when you buy comfortable underwear (not the kinky G-string type), you get immediate promotion from a girlfriend to his own personal homemaker.
Second of all, which is the most important fact in this matter, I said, I would immediately dump any guy I date, if he wore this sort of underwear.
If I really had to buy him something, oh believe me, it won't be anything comfortable.
I believe, it's only normal, not wishing to get turned off after getting turned on, and it's kinda rude saying "my dear, I believe we're not working out and the reason is your horrible looking underwear."
As shallow as I am, whatever, I am a perfectionist and I like things to work my way.
Annie looked at me like I am a shallow man.
If someone is going to look at your underwear, why do you buy cheap and ugly looking underwear to torture that person?
I have my preference, what do you care?
Yes, I know if love is enough, one wouldn't have cared. But there is only so much one can take.
Wednesday, 6 January 2010
The Circle Game
Some men are indescribable, or perhaps a little bit too classic.
Some men impress and never cease to amaze some women a lot since the first meeting. Shower some women with their passion, sing them the most romantic love song, and most of all, show them how the globe could spin in a different direction.
Some men entertain some women in the most possible humourous way, there was never a joke this funny and never a laugh this happy.
Some men then tell some women how much they were hurt in their past which make them the way they are. The world is so out of love as they were abandoned by their birth mother. They claim how big a difference it made in a child's life even though they never knew about it before they were grown and had a happy childhood.
Some men then go ahead and touch some women, knowing how wrong and how reluctant some women feel about it but still, without remorse, claiming it's life's will to push people's limit.
Some men read some women bedtime stories on how their exes betrayed them. How those beautiful roses in the world withered and how the world stopped spinning before some women. They tell some women how some women rescued them and how some women are their last hope in love while they break down in tears. They too refer to some women as the most unique flower among them all. As some women's heart melt while looking at the adorable some men, they hope to be the one amongst other women to rescue some men from their pain.
Some men too, mention how much some women managed to change their perspective on everything, how some women opened their eyes and how big of a difference some women's love brings to their colourless life. Some women nourish some men and think some men's dull days are finally over and some women will bring them sunlight ever since.
Some men tell some women, in love, there is no respect for privacy. Their constant need of personal space keeps screaming out loud every day inside their head, tearing them apart.
Some men get too eager to have some women while seeing some women giggling with other men. They tell some women how much they want to be the right one or how much they want to be the last laughter in some women's life but then they wonder where the idea ever came from.
Some women give some men their hand thinking they will never break it.
Some men wake up one day and realise they are just not that one person in some women's life and bring out the scariest demon inside some women, the one they wish they never had.
Some men just make some women fall in love with them in the lamest way, but some women just never get to see it till it's the end.
Some men still never realise why they cannot find the right woman after all these years, the endless trying and their soul's dying. All of a sudden it just hits some women while they gaze at some men's blank stare, the answer has been right in front of some women this whole time.
Some men try to bring tears in some women's life but they fail.
Some men then try to find what they want in their life, then they find themselves right at the beginning.
Round and round, like a circle game.
Some men, in the end, look into some women's eye and say how they will always be there for some women. At this very moment some women just hope some men understand the meaning of the end.
How the grey sky turns blue, some women remember the story.
Finally, one day and ever since, when some women look back in their life and they wonder why they ever came to love some men.
Or perhaps, was that ever love?
Some men impress and never cease to amaze some women a lot since the first meeting. Shower some women with their passion, sing them the most romantic love song, and most of all, show them how the globe could spin in a different direction.
Some men entertain some women in the most possible humourous way, there was never a joke this funny and never a laugh this happy.
Some men then tell some women how much they were hurt in their past which make them the way they are. The world is so out of love as they were abandoned by their birth mother. They claim how big a difference it made in a child's life even though they never knew about it before they were grown and had a happy childhood.
Some men then go ahead and touch some women, knowing how wrong and how reluctant some women feel about it but still, without remorse, claiming it's life's will to push people's limit.
Some men read some women bedtime stories on how their exes betrayed them. How those beautiful roses in the world withered and how the world stopped spinning before some women. They tell some women how some women rescued them and how some women are their last hope in love while they break down in tears. They too refer to some women as the most unique flower among them all. As some women's heart melt while looking at the adorable some men, they hope to be the one amongst other women to rescue some men from their pain.
Some men too, mention how much some women managed to change their perspective on everything, how some women opened their eyes and how big of a difference some women's love brings to their colourless life. Some women nourish some men and think some men's dull days are finally over and some women will bring them sunlight ever since.
Some men tell some women, in love, there is no respect for privacy. Their constant need of personal space keeps screaming out loud every day inside their head, tearing them apart.
Some men get too eager to have some women while seeing some women giggling with other men. They tell some women how much they want to be the right one or how much they want to be the last laughter in some women's life but then they wonder where the idea ever came from.
Some women give some men their hand thinking they will never break it.
Some men wake up one day and realise they are just not that one person in some women's life and bring out the scariest demon inside some women, the one they wish they never had.
Some men just make some women fall in love with them in the lamest way, but some women just never get to see it till it's the end.
Some men still never realise why they cannot find the right woman after all these years, the endless trying and their soul's dying. All of a sudden it just hits some women while they gaze at some men's blank stare, the answer has been right in front of some women this whole time.
Some men try to bring tears in some women's life but they fail.
Some men then try to find what they want in their life, then they find themselves right at the beginning.
Round and round, like a circle game.
Some men, in the end, look into some women's eye and say how they will always be there for some women. At this very moment some women just hope some men understand the meaning of the end.
How the grey sky turns blue, some women remember the story.
Finally, one day and ever since, when some women look back in their life and they wonder why they ever came to love some men.
Or perhaps, was that ever love?
Monday, 4 January 2010
The Moment of Silence
Here, in Malaysia, when one mentions he/she's been through a divorce, there will be an awkward moment of silence.
Silence when people indulge themselves in it, secretly feel sorry for that person and wonder how passionate love makes a difference and pushes people into getting married.
Till the divorcee declares him/herself that he/she is okay with it, trying and wanting to wipe away the stupid sympathy look on the others' face.
It's like, how people think, how their life is so over; how they never will be able to find another companion; how their future is forever wrong and how they're going to die alone.
Then they tell you how sorry they are for asking you that question because they "don't know".
Then they give you two gentle taps on your shoulder, telling you the world is still spinning.
Then they smile at you, telling you you'll find love real soon like you're so empty every day though you know you're dating the hottest guy in this world.
Then they tell you a lot of people at your age are divorced too.
How amusing.
Why is it, that when people hear one's divorced, they thought the couple got married because they were hot for each other and decided they have to "be married" to celebrate this love??
Especially if you're married to a Caucasian, ahh, no wonder you're divorced!
Or perhaps, if you're pregnant at a very young age, ahh, no wonder you're divorced, too.
... and when people find out about your new romance after the failed marriage, well, your loved one becomes the toyboy and you're doomed to fail forever.
Really?? Is that the best the world's brain or creativity can do?
We all have our rights to marry and divorce anyone, hot passionate love isn't always the reason why people get married.
Isn't the world a much better place if you tell someone you're divorced, that person opens up his/her eyes and says "Ah, me too! Oh, my ex-husband was such a jerk, I am sure yours too!"
I mean, what are the odds?
So, when you're in your moment of silence, feeling sorry, thinking if only they kept their head clear in the beginning they wouldn't be so empty and lonely now, letting your ignorance take over, remember this.
Perhaps a divorce is the best thing a marriage brings.
Silence when people indulge themselves in it, secretly feel sorry for that person and wonder how passionate love makes a difference and pushes people into getting married.
Till the divorcee declares him/herself that he/she is okay with it, trying and wanting to wipe away the stupid sympathy look on the others' face.
It's like, how people think, how their life is so over; how they never will be able to find another companion; how their future is forever wrong and how they're going to die alone.
Then they tell you how sorry they are for asking you that question because they "don't know".
Then they give you two gentle taps on your shoulder, telling you the world is still spinning.
Then they smile at you, telling you you'll find love real soon like you're so empty every day though you know you're dating the hottest guy in this world.
Then they tell you a lot of people at your age are divorced too.
How amusing.
Why is it, that when people hear one's divorced, they thought the couple got married because they were hot for each other and decided they have to "be married" to celebrate this love??
Especially if you're married to a Caucasian, ahh, no wonder you're divorced!
Or perhaps, if you're pregnant at a very young age, ahh, no wonder you're divorced, too.
... and when people find out about your new romance after the failed marriage, well, your loved one becomes the toyboy and you're doomed to fail forever.
Really?? Is that the best the world's brain or creativity can do?
We all have our rights to marry and divorce anyone, hot passionate love isn't always the reason why people get married.
Isn't the world a much better place if you tell someone you're divorced, that person opens up his/her eyes and says "Ah, me too! Oh, my ex-husband was such a jerk, I am sure yours too!"
I mean, what are the odds?
So, when you're in your moment of silence, feeling sorry, thinking if only they kept their head clear in the beginning they wouldn't be so empty and lonely now, letting your ignorance take over, remember this.
Perhaps a divorce is the best thing a marriage brings.
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