The "Gram-Gram-it's-GRAM!" Affair

How exactly do you pronounce this name, "Graham"?

Simple, one syllable, picture that you are calling your grandma minus the "s": "Gram", it can be pronounced with a very very soft H if preferred.

But Alberto was telling me about this student from his academy named Graham yesterday.

Below, as far as I remember, was the conversation:
He: ... everyone calls him "Gra-ham".
Me: It's "Gram"!
He: But everyone calls him "Gra-ham"!
Me: Well, "everyone" is wrong, in fact, if it's "Gra-ham" why don't you just call him "A-hem" instead?!
He: But everyone calls him "Gra-ham"!

He looked so innocent, poor little him, I don't blame him, I only blame those people in Singapore, as I heard their English is a lot better than our English in Malaysia, but as I see, so so only lah, as they cannot even pronounce this little name, even this is the name of the very noble man, "Alexander 'Graham' Bell".

I used to pronounce this name as "Gra-ham-a-hem" as well until I met Graham Bell, Graham William Bell, a British guy whose birthday falls on the 2nd Feb 1972 (wow, can't believe I still remember his birthday).

Graham is a close friend of my ex. I met him on Christmas 2004. His look is the crossover of Hugh Jackman and The Rock, I know, very strange look but no joke, he looked 50% like Jackman and 60% like Rocky. The other 50% and 40%, I just don't know..

Graham is not at all hot but definitely a good catch, ooh, and that body too, but the reason he's never been with more than one woman is because of his too-good nature, too good that nobody would be interested to be in a relationship with him. He doesn't smoke, doesn't drink (AT ALL), doesn't talk dirty, doesn't this doesn't that, but too many doesn'ts made him too good, too good that it is sooooo close to the "boring" stage, but he is a wonderful guy.

Thanks to Graham, I know how to pronounce this name properly!

Then today, Alberto was telling me he received a phone call from the Ahem boy's mother.

He: Hello, ..... Chess Academy.
She: Hello, I am ....., "Gra-ham's" mother....

I immediately hi-jack the topic, "Gram, Gram, Gram, it's GRAM!"

He said with an innocent look, but the mother called him "Gra-ham".

Well, shame on the mother, she can't even pronounce her son's name properly. I mean, I will never give my son a name I can't pronounce.

Like, if I was going to name my son "Yves", I am not gonna bloody call him "Ee-vés".

Or if I was going to name my daughter "Juanita", I am not gonna bloody call her "Dju-a-ni-ta".

That is just so aunty-like and wannabe-high class to call your children by the very wrong name.

I absolutely hate it, when somebody cannot pronounce their name properly.

It's like somebody calling me "Gee-sell-leh". It sounds like saying "Giselle leh?" (Where is Giselle, in broken local English).

I kept arguing with him about the right way to pronounce that name, he kept making fun of me, lovely couple, whatever, but the bottom line, he wasn't so convinced.

Fine, I was giving him a chance to believe me therefore I did not log online to show him the proper pronunciation, but looks like I "might" have to do it.

So finally, I found a site that totally gives justice to people like me, click here and listen if you're interested.

"Abraham" is "A-bre-hem", but "Graham" is "Gram"!

The world just needs a better English teacher.

... perhaps a teacher like me!

The Security Guard

Hadi was a security guard in my college, he's a tiny short little guy whose eyes shone when he smiled, very very cute.

I have very different taste when it comes to men because most guys I thought were cute, ended up being "disasters" in all my friends' eyes, they never thought a guy I thought was cute, was cute.

Who is that whorey enough to like a security guard?? Only me!

Everytime I passed by the guard house, I would look at him and gave him a smile, that time, I winked at him, big big time, then he gave me a smile I knew he liked me too.

We can only go as far as "like" or "crush" or not even before but no more as he is a Muslim.

Muslims aren't allowed to date anyone who is not Muslism, and I would not convert into some kind of religion for a guy!

I did not know why, even though I knew nothing would go on with a guy, I would still flirt with him as far as I could go.

Then, I got his number, by looking at the whiteboard in the security guard house!

Of course, I text him later, what's the point of getting somebody's number without doing anything??

I made a big mistake texting him, I did not know he's... like that..

The day before I went for a performance for Malaysia's National Day, I met him at the guard house, he asked me out for supper.

I could not say yes, I would be in big troubles if anybody caught me having supper with him!

First, my lecturers would definitely have a "little talk" with me, then, I would be officially crowned "Miss Slut 2003-2005".

No way, I could not let that happen.

So I made up some excuses and that I could not meet him.

The next morning, he text me and told me he had a dream about me and him having two children, one boy and one girl.

Aww... How lovely...

He also mentioned the children were playing in the backyard and that we were watching them happily... He also remembered their names!

Urr... A bit too much information...

After I came back from the rehearsal and performance, we talked more. He could call me from time to time, but I did not keep the phone calls long.

We did not have a mutual topic to talk about.

Then the calls gotten more awkward, since he told me he loved me.

Urr, that was only like.. the second call??

Let's put it this way, we did not see each other that often as he worked night shift, we barely talked to each other, we barely knew each other and... he loved me??

Even worse, he told me he loved me, he asked me to say that back!

The conversation was like the following:
He: I love you!
Me: Really? Wow.. Thanks..
He: Do you love me?
Me: I... urr... like you.
He: Come on, tell me you love me.
Me: I like you.
He: Come on, don't you love me too?
Me: I... urr.. like you, really..
He: Tell me you love me, please...

Then I pretended the line signal was bad and I was busy and I really had to go.

He made me a deal, he would hang up only if I agreed to tell him I loved him next time.

No problem, of course!

Just I would not pick up his call next time.

He tried to call me and text me several times, but I did not reply, I was frighten.

He must have sensed the tension I had, therefore one evening, when I was worried I would bump into him at the guard house, he went hiding inside.

He then stopped calling me for a very long time...

Until I was at that scout camp with Mas, he called me out of the blue and told me he stopped being the security guard of my college.

I only bumped into him once at a photocopy shop outside my college.

... and I never heard from him again.

The Lunch

Yes, I was such an attention whore that my phone number was some share-it-with-your-friends figures.

I used to share it with almost every guy who asked me for it or almost every guy I had my eyes on.

Pretty whore-like, I know.

Then one day, I realised, my number is like a would-you-like-to-talk-to-a-girl-or-even-to-have-a-girlfriend hotline, I decided to change my number.

It was November 2004, three guys was the main reason.

Guy number one, whom you might have already read, was Mas. Guy number two was John, while guy number three was Hadi, which you will read next.

Let's start with John.

John was a guy whom I met during a bus trip. I know, who is whorey enough to "meet" a guy in a bus, but he started the conversation.

He asked me about a certain point where he could alight, I wasn't entirely sure about where, but I must pretend.

"Oh, here... you know.. after you see a bridge, you will find a sign that says '....', so you must... you know... there... blah blah..."

At last I didn't even know what I was saying anymore.

He was very tolerant with me. He looked like a decent man with black-frame glasses. Very decent, pretty good-looking, so of course, he caught my attention.

I always go weak for these kinda decent-looking man.

Then he asked me where I was staying and studying, I was still in my college in Seremban that time. So he asked me if it was okay for him to meet me when he dropped by Seremban from time to time, I said yes and asked him for his number.

After a few weeks, out of the blues, just when I was starting to forget him, he called and asked me to meet him in Seremban before I went back to my hometown.

I said yes, of course, don't forget the "wh" word.

Then we met in a newly open crap Japanese restaurant. Usually, when you have this kinda meeting, the guy always pays, I am fairly polite, so I ordered something fairly cheap.

I ordered two unagi sushi, they cost like.. 5 bucks. He ordered a bowl of udon noodles, they cost like 15 bucks. We had one green tea which was like 1 buck each.

As he's going to pay for it, I wouldn't be very comfortable to order something expensive. No, too early to show my true colours.

Perhaps my unagi sushi looked really delicious, he asked if he could take one as there were two on the plate, I said yes, of course, he's going to pay.

Then, he looked into my eyes passionately, passionately... passionately...

... and said...

... and said three words to me, three lovely words...

... "You pay today!"

Urr... okay, so he's the type who's into this kinda "girls-pay-first-so-she-would-not-take-me-as-a-money-shitpot" thing?????

No problem, I would be more comfortable paying.

Then he started talking about sex with me, like his favourite positions, his favourite acts, his favourite this and that...

.... and told me that anal is not a usual sex act!

Urr... Who the fuck cares??

I am a very open person, I am open to almost all kinds of conversations as long as it doesn't offend me and I have a very low limit and high tolerance.

So okay, all the talks were not that bad, I could talk along.

Lastly, when the waiter delivered the bill, I thought he would pay and told me that it was a joke, but he watched me took out my purse with a smile...

20 something is not a problem, but I will not go out with him ever again!

Sorry but I am very traditional when it comes to this sense.

What a gentleman!

He did not call me for a week or two but then he called me every night.

Rejecting calls is very rude therefore I let it rang for a long long time and never answered it.

Then he text me, something like... "oh, Giselle, hello, I will go to Seremban today and I would like to meet you, come, I will buy you lunch this time, come!"

Two words: "yeah right"!

I replied immediately asking him not to come as I had an exam approaching and I would be very busy and I had to rush home to meet my parents.

I asked him, "DON'T COME!"

But he text me again that afternoon, he told me he was already in Seremban waiting to meet me in a restaurant, that he also came specially to meet me.

I was already in a bus, even if I wasn't, I wouldn't have gone meet him, no way.

He replied he would go back.

I felt really really bad at that point, really guilty...