I am thinking, since Internet love is getting serious, I should start an online chapel.
It's like an advanced step, specially created and designed for people who want to take their Internet relationship to the next step.
You just log in, choose among the different pastors, type in your names and click "I do", then you're virtually married.
You can marry as many people as you want without having to be a Muslim, marry any gender you want without having to be a bisexual, marrying an underage teenager without being accused to be a paedophile.
... or even appear to be Bill Clinton, nobody knows, nobody cares.
You can even be married in real life and on the Internet as well, your real wife and virtual wives don't have to know about one another.
Guess what, the best thing is, you don't even have to be in love!
Nobody will tell your story on dontdatehimgirl.com, no one will add you to their Enemybook application on Facebook, you won't get arrested as well for polygamy, but a friendly advice, try to prevent your companions from finding out about one another.
... and no matter how long have you been virtually married, if you have never had any physical contact with anyone, you remain a virgin and your sex organ won't hurt from the excessive virtual sex with different people.
You don't have to worry if you find difficulties meeting people online, we provide match-making service. Don't have to worry as well if you are an Internet relationship newbie, we do provide slick lines to help you to support your love point. Here's a preview:
1. You are so beautiful.
2. I love you, I really do.
3. I can't live, if living is without you.
4. I wanna touch you and kiss you so much.
5. If I could be with you I'd make love to you every night.
6. I cannot do anything at work today, I cannot stop thinking about you, my life is a mess.
7. I cannot wait to see you for real, hold you in my arms and tell you, "hey, this is me, from the monitor, for real..."
And to support your slick lines, we also do provide a lot of stupid emoticons for you to get physical with your online love interest, oh remember the time when you kissed, hugged and even had sex for the very first time, virtually?
Oh, sex on the Internet, which is actually rather vegetarian but we made it carnivore. You don't have sex with your organs but words. You could have sex with guy A now, guy B later or even a gang bang and yet, you maintain your virginity, how amazing is that?
Spice up your virtual sex life too by purchasing virtual revealing lingeries. We do respect the religious people as well by selling non-revealing-casual-long-sleeves-long-pants-like lingeries, for our service, no one gets offended or hurt.
Also, to protect yourself, you can download this plug-in for WLM, which in order to help preventing your online husbands/wives screen-capturing your naked body or self-help acts for future abuse.
The divorce is easy, just click "yes" when a dialogue that says "Are you sure?" appears. You will then see a dialogue which says "Congratulations, you are now succesfully divorced with __________. Click 'cancel' if you do not wish to meet more possible future wives at the moment."
No lawyers, no courts, no prenups, even better, no trojans.
For our service you can marry anyone you want, for our service you can strip yourself bare in front of any webcams, for our service you can divorce and remarry anytime, for our service we guarantee your satisfaction.
Lifetime membership, register now for a 30% discount, 3-day free trial, a limited period only.
... and if, my business grows, perhaps I can start thinking of a virtual honeymoon spots or pet/child adoption service for the Internet couples.
Are you not even tempted?
(Tip: For those who aged between 14 to 18, to get married, you need to enter the verification code. To skip this, simply go to options>personal settings and change your year of birth!)
Tuesday, 25 August 2009
Wednesday, 19 August 2009
The Twilight Effects
Why do women enjoy reading/watching stories about forbidden (stupid and no sense making) love?? I mean, I would really be the first in line if Hollywood decided to make a movie about a woman who's deeply in love with a public rubbish bin, that's just as romantic isn't it?
If there's something I've learnt from this "very-selling” movie named "Twilight", it's how stupid girls are, and vampires do not go out in the sun because they actually "sparkle", as in twinkle-twinkle-little-stars-how-I-wonder-what-you-are.
... also, a vampire has problem smelling you, if you put your hair down and cover yourself properly.
WTF??
I know, I once said I would not watch this movie but thanks to my dumb sis, I sat myself down and watched it.
I really want to see how stupid it is, believe me, it's the only reason.
In my very humble opinion, it's just like High School Musical and Barney and Friends or even Teletubbies, minus the music plus the horror.
Horror, as in how Barney would look applying heavy make-up.
So it did not disappoint me much, as it seemed. I already expected it to be very stupid.
It has a 6.0 rating on IMDb. Usually a movie around 6 is watchable, more than 6.5 is quite good, more than 7 is a amazing and more than 8? Breathtaking.
Any rating below 5, is rather stupid and you're advised not to waste your time.
But it's difficult to say, a movie like "Spiceworld" might get a high rating of 6.5 because the group who watched and rated it are aged between 4-15 while a great movie like "The Life of David Gale" could get a 6.5 too because the audience are more mature.
My point? It has quite a good rating probably because lots of teenage girls rated it.
So ok, the vampires in it flew like those ancient Chinese kung-fu fighters, their baseballs flew quicker than the speed of light, they climbed trees better than monkeys and they travelled faster than rockets.
More importantly, they are vegetarians.
Like tigers, but vegetarian.
There was also this vampire named Edward who outstands everyone...
I don't get it, what is with Robert Pattinson??
He looked like a drug addict with a huge touch of gayness who had not been cutting his hair since the 50s. With his purposely applied serious, strange, gay-vampire look, really, hot? What is wrong with those teenage girls?
My sister is one of them, she's 18 and she said "ooh, he's so handsome..."
Girls around me when I was 14 said the same thing about Prince William. Not me, I knew he would go bald 10 years later.
... and my sister told me, Robbie urged Kristen to make a choice between him and her current boyfriend, ya huh, very romantic, I guess.
... and she said it in this dreamy tone, "oh, he's soooooo man."
... and watched the disgusted look on my face while saying, "what, you don't think so?"
Forgive me but something's definitely very wrong with teenage girls these days. They think boys who "manly force" you to do something is very strong and sexy.
Like this, you pretended like you don't want them to kiss you, then they kissed you, then you rejected, then they still kiss you, then you pushed them away, then they pushed you to the wall, then you turned your face away, then again they tried to kiss you, then you finally surrender and engaged in the long-awaited kiss...
Very sexy and romantic.
Chauvinists and boys who have no respects for women? Their favourite, apparently.
The director, a female, apparently no Sofia Coppola, was congratulated for her "achievement".
What achievement?? This movie wouldn't even sell if Paris Hilton played Bella Swan and Perez Hilton played Edward Cullen.
... and how women, even women older than me, holding this whole set of gay literature, queuing up, spending hundreds of money buying them!!
Unbelievable, is it just me or they're really that dumb?
Look, people, if you really want to read about vampire, if you really must, go with Anne Rice at least. In my opinion, she's so much more original than that Meyer homemaker.
Anyway, if you tend to judge, remember this: a vampire has the right to be in love with a human, just like a human has the right to be in love with a computer cable.
If there's something I've learnt from this "very-selling” movie named "Twilight", it's how stupid girls are, and vampires do not go out in the sun because they actually "sparkle", as in twinkle-twinkle-little-stars-how-I-wonder-what-you-are.
... also, a vampire has problem smelling you, if you put your hair down and cover yourself properly.
WTF??
I know, I once said I would not watch this movie but thanks to my dumb sis, I sat myself down and watched it.
I really want to see how stupid it is, believe me, it's the only reason.
In my very humble opinion, it's just like High School Musical and Barney and Friends or even Teletubbies, minus the music plus the horror.
Horror, as in how Barney would look applying heavy make-up.
So it did not disappoint me much, as it seemed. I already expected it to be very stupid.
It has a 6.0 rating on IMDb. Usually a movie around 6 is watchable, more than 6.5 is quite good, more than 7 is a amazing and more than 8? Breathtaking.
Any rating below 5, is rather stupid and you're advised not to waste your time.
But it's difficult to say, a movie like "Spiceworld" might get a high rating of 6.5 because the group who watched and rated it are aged between 4-15 while a great movie like "The Life of David Gale" could get a 6.5 too because the audience are more mature.
My point? It has quite a good rating probably because lots of teenage girls rated it.
So ok, the vampires in it flew like those ancient Chinese kung-fu fighters, their baseballs flew quicker than the speed of light, they climbed trees better than monkeys and they travelled faster than rockets.
More importantly, they are vegetarians.
Like tigers, but vegetarian.
There was also this vampire named Edward who outstands everyone...
I don't get it, what is with Robert Pattinson??
He looked like a drug addict with a huge touch of gayness who had not been cutting his hair since the 50s. With his purposely applied serious, strange, gay-vampire look, really, hot? What is wrong with those teenage girls?
My sister is one of them, she's 18 and she said "ooh, he's so handsome..."
Girls around me when I was 14 said the same thing about Prince William. Not me, I knew he would go bald 10 years later.
... and my sister told me, Robbie urged Kristen to make a choice between him and her current boyfriend, ya huh, very romantic, I guess.
... and she said it in this dreamy tone, "oh, he's soooooo man."
... and watched the disgusted look on my face while saying, "what, you don't think so?"
Forgive me but something's definitely very wrong with teenage girls these days. They think boys who "manly force" you to do something is very strong and sexy.
Like this, you pretended like you don't want them to kiss you, then they kissed you, then you rejected, then they still kiss you, then you pushed them away, then they pushed you to the wall, then you turned your face away, then again they tried to kiss you, then you finally surrender and engaged in the long-awaited kiss...
Very sexy and romantic.
Chauvinists and boys who have no respects for women? Their favourite, apparently.
The director, a female, apparently no Sofia Coppola, was congratulated for her "achievement".
What achievement?? This movie wouldn't even sell if Paris Hilton played Bella Swan and Perez Hilton played Edward Cullen.
... and how women, even women older than me, holding this whole set of gay literature, queuing up, spending hundreds of money buying them!!
Unbelievable, is it just me or they're really that dumb?
Look, people, if you really want to read about vampire, if you really must, go with Anne Rice at least. In my opinion, she's so much more original than that Meyer homemaker.
Anyway, if you tend to judge, remember this: a vampire has the right to be in love with a human, just like a human has the right to be in love with a computer cable.
Sunday, 9 August 2009
The Bot Which Knows It Best
Dear Martes, I hereby aggrive myself to ask your hand in marriage, as my destiny is told by something magical called the "MarriageBot".
For thee I believe I have found my true happiness, as it is, too, told by the mighty MarriageBot.
Don't need to be jealous with me, you too can find happiness just like I do. Try log on to www dot facebook dot com, I repeat www dot facebook that's f-a-c-e-b-o-o-k dot com and search for the MarriageBot which stands for marriage + robot.
With just one click (up to two), your destiny is right in your hand.
It predicts your first or up-coming husband along with 4 other possible candidates which one of them, you would actually marry but end up in divorce.
Anyway, the mighty MarriageBot calculating or even matchmaking service is completely free! No shit of peeling an apple in front of a mirror at 12am with your laptop aside, no shit of saying a stupid chant that goes "gods of powers, gods of might, show me true love, now in sight etc etc", no even shit of focusing on "finding love" while answering its one-and-only question!
How amazing.
This is no hoax, MarriageBot calculates your destiny + future with its highly advanced robot calculating techniques.
One of my friends tried this application days ago and predicted her very dashing future possible husbands. The top guy is a married man.
How very interesting, I thought, I too want to know whom my upcoming husband is!
After all, it's a girl's fantasy to dress up in white and say yes to her prince charming on the altar, the very same altar where Britney said yes to whatshisnameagain.
Ok, so after a few clicks, marriagebot asked me de most important question ever, that is if I want to marry:
1. a man
2. a woman
3. I am not picky!
Apparently marriagebot is a supporter of homosexual and bisexual.
The last facebook quiz told me if I marry the same sex I would probably end up in a divorce, so I selected the first option.
It only takes 3 seconds for marriagebot to calculate your future (results might vary depends on your network provider). 3 seconds later, I realise, my upcoming husband is not the guy I've been dating for almost 2 years.
I thought, since facebook says I am "in a relationship with Mr Alberto", it's rather logical for him to be on the top of the list...
But no, my first option happens to be the same first option of my friend: The married guy.
This quiz was like, very specially written and designed for him.
Urr, doesn't it like, check first whom you're dating, then put him on the top of your list to make you spread the words of its amazing calculation??
It's strange, 80% of the guys on my list are married. Perhaps I subconsciously enjoy breaking people's family.
I don't love Martes and I seriously doubt it if he does, but if MarriageBot says so, I believe there is a reason within.
Anyway, thanks to facebook, I now know whom my future husband is. I hereby writing a testimonial for facebook, hoping more people would find true happiness with the apparently-very-stupid facebook applications.
Your destiny awaits you, your happiness is guaranteed.
Martes, hold my hand.
Oh by the way, Mr Sรกbado, if you see this, do give me a call as you're on the 2nd of the list.
For thee I believe I have found my true happiness, as it is, too, told by the mighty MarriageBot.
Don't need to be jealous with me, you too can find happiness just like I do. Try log on to www dot facebook dot com, I repeat www dot facebook that's f-a-c-e-b-o-o-k dot com and search for the MarriageBot which stands for marriage + robot.
With just one click (up to two), your destiny is right in your hand.
It predicts your first or up-coming husband along with 4 other possible candidates which one of them, you would actually marry but end up in divorce.
Anyway, the mighty MarriageBot calculating or even matchmaking service is completely free! No shit of peeling an apple in front of a mirror at 12am with your laptop aside, no shit of saying a stupid chant that goes "gods of powers, gods of might, show me true love, now in sight etc etc", no even shit of focusing on "finding love" while answering its one-and-only question!
How amazing.
This is no hoax, MarriageBot calculates your destiny + future with its highly advanced robot calculating techniques.
One of my friends tried this application days ago and predicted her very dashing future possible husbands. The top guy is a married man.
How very interesting, I thought, I too want to know whom my upcoming husband is!
After all, it's a girl's fantasy to dress up in white and say yes to her prince charming on the altar, the very same altar where Britney said yes to whatshisnameagain.
Ok, so after a few clicks, marriagebot asked me de most important question ever, that is if I want to marry:
1. a man
2. a woman
3. I am not picky!
Apparently marriagebot is a supporter of homosexual and bisexual.
The last facebook quiz told me if I marry the same sex I would probably end up in a divorce, so I selected the first option.
It only takes 3 seconds for marriagebot to calculate your future (results might vary depends on your network provider). 3 seconds later, I realise, my upcoming husband is not the guy I've been dating for almost 2 years.
I thought, since facebook says I am "in a relationship with Mr Alberto", it's rather logical for him to be on the top of the list...
But no, my first option happens to be the same first option of my friend: The married guy.
This quiz was like, very specially written and designed for him.
Urr, doesn't it like, check first whom you're dating, then put him on the top of your list to make you spread the words of its amazing calculation??
It's strange, 80% of the guys on my list are married. Perhaps I subconsciously enjoy breaking people's family.
I don't love Martes and I seriously doubt it if he does, but if MarriageBot says so, I believe there is a reason within.
Anyway, thanks to facebook, I now know whom my future husband is. I hereby writing a testimonial for facebook, hoping more people would find true happiness with the apparently-very-stupid facebook applications.
Your destiny awaits you, your happiness is guaranteed.
Martes, hold my hand.
Oh by the way, Mr Sรกbado, if you see this, do give me a call as you're on the 2nd of the list.
The Shopper Who Makes Remarkable Impressions
If you've done business a few times with Giselle Hu, I'm sure she made an impression.
She often comes into your shop buying stuffs in even numbers, stuffs she's bought a few times before.
Read my lips, same stuffs, many times.
If you're familiar with that pair of white heels I always wear, you will notice that it is unbelievably lasting.
Even longer lasting than Duracell or Energizer batteries.
Yes, you've seen them on my feet since last year 8 hours a day, 6 days a week, so why aren't they broken yet?
The secret? As it's been told many times by Giselle Hu, merely because I own 9 pairs of the same shoes.
... and people who heard it have their mouth so wide it's Muhammad-Ali's-fist-fitable.
Yes yes yes, 9 pairs of same-design-same-colour. Everyone calls me crazy.
What's the problem? Why is it okay to go back to a restaurant eating the same dish 9 times, go to a funfair and play the same game 9 times, visit the same hairdresser and request for the same service 9 times, but not buying the same design 9 times?
I am a huge lover of Fabiano Ricco's heels since 2002 and I barely wear any heels other than my usual brand, very barely. I usually buy white heels since they tend to attract attention better.
So, you can say Ricco will be able to survive by doing business with me, solo.
Today, I had to go back to the outlet as my heels are "slowly" running out, I finish one pair in 3 or 4 months because I usually walk in Olympic-record high speed so they tend to drain out real quickly.
Aside from the one I wear to work now, I only have 2 pairs left.
That's not enough, like I told you, in about 6 months no more favourite heels ever.
You may wonder why I don't buy other shoes. This design, I am telling you, is by far the MOST ELEGANT design I've ever seen. Other than that, it's beautiful, sexy and comfortable, with an affordable, very incredibly affordable price as low as RM59, it's the apple of my eye!
It's not too formal, there's no one single shiny stones on it, it's just right.
Like my Miss Right, if I was to have a bisexual or homosexual relationship.
Finally, I found the heels in the branch of KL as I couldn't find them in Muar, I took it to the shopkeeper, told her I want 2 pairs, sat down patiently and waited for my beloved to arrive.
While I was trying them, she popped me a question, asking if I was the one that bought the same design last time.
I replied, "Yes, you remember me??" while pretended to be excited but secretly a little embarrassed.
I was hoping for a nice response like "Oh of course, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my whole life!" or perhaps, a bitchy response like "Yes, the legless centipede scar on your left arm is very remarkable."
I don't fit the profile of the former but I thought it'd cause her no harm saying that as she's done my business 10,000 times.
Surprisingly, she said "There's only you who bought it this many times."
Ouch, truly!
She often comes into your shop buying stuffs in even numbers, stuffs she's bought a few times before.
Read my lips, same stuffs, many times.
If you're familiar with that pair of white heels I always wear, you will notice that it is unbelievably lasting.
Even longer lasting than Duracell or Energizer batteries.
Yes, you've seen them on my feet since last year 8 hours a day, 6 days a week, so why aren't they broken yet?
The secret? As it's been told many times by Giselle Hu, merely because I own 9 pairs of the same shoes.
... and people who heard it have their mouth so wide it's Muhammad-Ali's-fist-fitable.
Yes yes yes, 9 pairs of same-design-same-colour. Everyone calls me crazy.
What's the problem? Why is it okay to go back to a restaurant eating the same dish 9 times, go to a funfair and play the same game 9 times, visit the same hairdresser and request for the same service 9 times, but not buying the same design 9 times?
I am a huge lover of Fabiano Ricco's heels since 2002 and I barely wear any heels other than my usual brand, very barely. I usually buy white heels since they tend to attract attention better.
So, you can say Ricco will be able to survive by doing business with me, solo.
Today, I had to go back to the outlet as my heels are "slowly" running out, I finish one pair in 3 or 4 months because I usually walk in Olympic-record high speed so they tend to drain out real quickly.
Aside from the one I wear to work now, I only have 2 pairs left.
That's not enough, like I told you, in about 6 months no more favourite heels ever.
You may wonder why I don't buy other shoes. This design, I am telling you, is by far the MOST ELEGANT design I've ever seen. Other than that, it's beautiful, sexy and comfortable, with an affordable, very incredibly affordable price as low as RM59, it's the apple of my eye!
It's not too formal, there's no one single shiny stones on it, it's just right.
Like my Miss Right, if I was to have a bisexual or homosexual relationship.
Finally, I found the heels in the branch of KL as I couldn't find them in Muar, I took it to the shopkeeper, told her I want 2 pairs, sat down patiently and waited for my beloved to arrive.
While I was trying them, she popped me a question, asking if I was the one that bought the same design last time.
I replied, "Yes, you remember me??" while pretended to be excited but secretly a little embarrassed.
I was hoping for a nice response like "Oh of course, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my whole life!" or perhaps, a bitchy response like "Yes, the legless centipede scar on your left arm is very remarkable."
I don't fit the profile of the former but I thought it'd cause her no harm saying that as she's done my business 10,000 times.
Surprisingly, she said "There's only you who bought it this many times."
Ouch, truly!
Wednesday, 5 August 2009
The Prince Who Dislikes Luggage
Remember the movie years ago, starring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks called "You've Got Mail"?
Well, this story is more like the spin-off version called "You've Got Conned", but warning, no point clicking if you don't understand Chinese.
We all get charmed easily by hot, sexy and adorable people on the Internet but sometimes, when stuffs are getting a little too much and too unbelievable, you just gotta be really dumb to keep on falling.
I read the news yesterday, there was this woman in her 30s. She met a guy through a popular networking website and they hit it off in a month claiming they're "in love".
Her prince charming, someone names "Raymond Walter", is an architect, British, 35. Since they "loved" each other so much, he told her he wanted to marry her so he planned to pay her a visit on the 20th of July.
Yeah, like one month meeting in nothing but a virtual chatroom, sending nothing but virtual kisses (with the stupid emoticons) and having nothing but virtual sex is enough for you to be sure you want to marry someone.
Apparently, that guy did not like luggage very much as he sent her a lot of his important stuffs by post, which included a gold watch, 2 gold necklaces, an mp3 player, a mobile, some clothes, a laptop, a bouquet of roses and £10,000 in cash.
Yes, a parcel, gigantic parcel apparently, posted.
3 days after he informed her about this huge parcel, she got a call from some rip-off FedEx saying she needs to pay RM16,000 to redeem it.
THEN...
She got a call from a "Mary" who claimed to be from the tax office, Virgin Mary told her she needed to pay RM3500 for it.
In order to get the parcel from her prince charming, she loaned RM11,000 from her sister, along with her life savings, she transferred those money to the above douchebags.
So, almost RM20,000 paid, she still hadn't received her prince charming's Godzilla. As for the Ray dude, he later kept texting her asking to pay RM3,500 as he was detained by the immigration officers in Malaysia, luckily she "ignored" him "this time".
She told the press, she thought it'd be "different" meeting guys online as her exes lied to her and took a lot of her money. The Ray dude looked really handsome in the pictures and spoke English with a British accent, she thought he was serious.
I never knew by looking handsome and speaking English British-ly mean you're serious with relationships.
I find it really unbelievable reading the news, while feeling sorry for her, I can't help but think she's really stupid.
If she's not stupid and the above incident appeared to be really true which is least likely to be possible, then her prince charming was very stupid to post her those stuffs.
How logical is it, that someone would "prefer" to send his mobile to another country instead of travelling with it? How is it possible someone would "post" a laptop?? Besides, the bouquet would probably wither before it got to her hands. Let's not forget, if the guy sends her £10,000 in cash, that would be £100x10x10, quite a pile of money, along with those stuffs are almost impossible to fit in a box and unsafe to post.
That's really bad planning, perhaps he wanted her to see the swimming and floating stuffs, as the water from the bouquet would definitely leaked inside the box.
It's just stupid to think all those stuffs have no better way to send, like FedEx works better than a secure online bank transfer or flower-delivery. Hey, maybe he surprised her by posting a British pizza too!
It's one thing to believe in the fucking nonsense but it's another to actually go along with it. Why did she even spend so much money in order to redeem those stuffs that had nothing to do with her??
This is not Indonesia, Vietnam nor Korea with small currencies, RM20,000 is a huge amount of money!
Spending RM20,000 on someone whom I had never met before? I don't think so.
I wouldn't even do that if he had transferred me a bit amount of money online to redeem the stuffs, you can't guarantee you won't get into deep shit for it.
Don't those people have a sense and question the logic of it?
"I love you" on the Internet? It's just make-believe and stupid.
... and you actually believe it when someone says he wants to "marry" you, online?
No wonder people lost money on the Internet, whether the "I-love-you" cons, the "penis length-increasing" procedures or the "Nigerian-inheritance" job, it's amazing how gullible people are.
After all, "gullible" is the longest word you could find in a dictionary.
Well, this story is more like the spin-off version called "You've Got Conned", but warning, no point clicking if you don't understand Chinese.
We all get charmed easily by hot, sexy and adorable people on the Internet but sometimes, when stuffs are getting a little too much and too unbelievable, you just gotta be really dumb to keep on falling.
I read the news yesterday, there was this woman in her 30s. She met a guy through a popular networking website and they hit it off in a month claiming they're "in love".
Her prince charming, someone names "Raymond Walter", is an architect, British, 35. Since they "loved" each other so much, he told her he wanted to marry her so he planned to pay her a visit on the 20th of July.
Yeah, like one month meeting in nothing but a virtual chatroom, sending nothing but virtual kisses (with the stupid emoticons) and having nothing but virtual sex is enough for you to be sure you want to marry someone.
Apparently, that guy did not like luggage very much as he sent her a lot of his important stuffs by post, which included a gold watch, 2 gold necklaces, an mp3 player, a mobile, some clothes, a laptop, a bouquet of roses and £10,000 in cash.
Yes, a parcel, gigantic parcel apparently, posted.
3 days after he informed her about this huge parcel, she got a call from some rip-off FedEx saying she needs to pay RM16,000 to redeem it.
THEN...
She got a call from a "Mary" who claimed to be from the tax office, Virgin Mary told her she needed to pay RM3500 for it.
In order to get the parcel from her prince charming, she loaned RM11,000 from her sister, along with her life savings, she transferred those money to the above douchebags.
So, almost RM20,000 paid, she still hadn't received her prince charming's Godzilla. As for the Ray dude, he later kept texting her asking to pay RM3,500 as he was detained by the immigration officers in Malaysia, luckily she "ignored" him "this time".
She told the press, she thought it'd be "different" meeting guys online as her exes lied to her and took a lot of her money. The Ray dude looked really handsome in the pictures and spoke English with a British accent, she thought he was serious.
I never knew by looking handsome and speaking English British-ly mean you're serious with relationships.
I find it really unbelievable reading the news, while feeling sorry for her, I can't help but think she's really stupid.
If she's not stupid and the above incident appeared to be really true which is least likely to be possible, then her prince charming was very stupid to post her those stuffs.
How logical is it, that someone would "prefer" to send his mobile to another country instead of travelling with it? How is it possible someone would "post" a laptop?? Besides, the bouquet would probably wither before it got to her hands. Let's not forget, if the guy sends her £10,000 in cash, that would be £100x10x10, quite a pile of money, along with those stuffs are almost impossible to fit in a box and unsafe to post.
That's really bad planning, perhaps he wanted her to see the swimming and floating stuffs, as the water from the bouquet would definitely leaked inside the box.
It's just stupid to think all those stuffs have no better way to send, like FedEx works better than a secure online bank transfer or flower-delivery. Hey, maybe he surprised her by posting a British pizza too!
It's one thing to believe in the fucking nonsense but it's another to actually go along with it. Why did she even spend so much money in order to redeem those stuffs that had nothing to do with her??
This is not Indonesia, Vietnam nor Korea with small currencies, RM20,000 is a huge amount of money!
Spending RM20,000 on someone whom I had never met before? I don't think so.
I wouldn't even do that if he had transferred me a bit amount of money online to redeem the stuffs, you can't guarantee you won't get into deep shit for it.
Don't those people have a sense and question the logic of it?
"I love you" on the Internet? It's just make-believe and stupid.
... and you actually believe it when someone says he wants to "marry" you, online?
No wonder people lost money on the Internet, whether the "I-love-you" cons, the "penis length-increasing" procedures or the "Nigerian-inheritance" job, it's amazing how gullible people are.
After all, "gullible" is the longest word you could find in a dictionary.
Tuesday, 4 August 2009
The Simulated Daylight Saving
Well, my dear, if you want me to work for you, you're seriously going to hate me.
And if you are the type who cannot sit patiently while waiting for me to get the work done, I am going to be very annoyed with you as well.
I'll admit it, I do have a "fatal" flaw, it's rather major when it comes to work but it's rather minor in the eyes of calm people: I am very, truly, highly, incredibly, deadly, extremely, enormously, and fucking last-minute. (thank you thesaurus.com!)
But what do you care?
I won't look for any excuses, I am just lazy. So what?
Besides, which you could say in my defense, I find myself extremely productive working under the pressure of time. I am smart, fast and efficient, if I get to finish my work on time, what is the problem?
Take this thingy as an example:
Yesterday in school, we were told to finish entering the result of our students by 1:00 pm the next day, which is today. I did not know about it until this morning at 9:00am. Fine, I still have 4 hours. This work takes no more than 5 minutes for me, alright, why don't we just sit back and enjoy a little while watching others rushing their ass off?
But then at 11:05am, I was kinda blamed for not finishing and apparently, everyone had finished and "was waiting" for me so they could do the printing.
Sounded like I was the most horribly lazy teacher among the other 144s.
How hilarious, if you want to start doing the printing at 11:00am, might as well just tell people to finish by 11, isn't it wiser that way?
I work accordingly to your orders my dear, when you say 1:00pm, I hear 1 and I estimate how long it takes for me to finish, then I finish by 12:59 for you. If you're lucky, maybe even 12:55. But if you told me to finish by 1, you gotta be really stupid to think the work will magically be done by 11.
These people have no Mathematical sense. Take this another stupid example which totally makes me laugh, ironically:
A week ago, we were told to register our students online, 45 students for an important government examination next year. Alrighty, we have to finish by the 31st of August.
Wow, I love it when we don't have to finish our work the next day, but if we really do, I can finish it very quickly. With my typing skill and computer knowledge, trust me, my last-minute habit is the least of your problems.
So, let's take a look at our calendar, it says the 4th of August today. Guess what I was blamed for this morning.
Yup, I guess the other 14 teachers had started registering, only me who hasn't even started yet.
So I asked, we have to finish by the "31st" isn't it?
Yes we do.
Then, silly, why do we have to rush Giselle Hu?
How fucking ironic, I still have 27 more days before the deadline and yet, I was sort of lectured and blamed.
Duh, these people are like stupid or what?
If you said 31st, it means 31st, not the bloody 11th, not even the fucking 5th!
If you want us to finish sooner, you would sound a lot smarter by telling us an earlier date wouldn't you?
It's really easy to get Giselle Hu to work like she's on fire, you just have to pass something to her, give her a deadline and go wait patiently before you see the work done perfectly on your desk.
I don't like my last-minute habit, yes, but, if I get to finish my work on time, what do you fucking care?
It's your problem being an early bird, it's my problem being a night owl. Want me to get the work done by your UTC Daylight Saving? Easy, all you have to do is to be more accurate.
Sorry but I am just not the type to adapt or rush like an idiot or a nervous freak so I could suit myself with your impatience.
Just let me sit back and enjoy myself while while I do things for you, it's not my fault you are not as fast and efficient as I am.
And if you are the type who cannot sit patiently while waiting for me to get the work done, I am going to be very annoyed with you as well.
I'll admit it, I do have a "fatal" flaw, it's rather major when it comes to work but it's rather minor in the eyes of calm people: I am very, truly, highly, incredibly, deadly, extremely, enormously, and fucking last-minute. (thank you thesaurus.com!)
But what do you care?
I won't look for any excuses, I am just lazy. So what?
Besides, which you could say in my defense, I find myself extremely productive working under the pressure of time. I am smart, fast and efficient, if I get to finish my work on time, what is the problem?
Take this thingy as an example:
Yesterday in school, we were told to finish entering the result of our students by 1:00 pm the next day, which is today. I did not know about it until this morning at 9:00am. Fine, I still have 4 hours. This work takes no more than 5 minutes for me, alright, why don't we just sit back and enjoy a little while watching others rushing their ass off?
But then at 11:05am, I was kinda blamed for not finishing and apparently, everyone had finished and "was waiting" for me so they could do the printing.
Sounded like I was the most horribly lazy teacher among the other 144s.
How hilarious, if you want to start doing the printing at 11:00am, might as well just tell people to finish by 11, isn't it wiser that way?
I work accordingly to your orders my dear, when you say 1:00pm, I hear 1 and I estimate how long it takes for me to finish, then I finish by 12:59 for you. If you're lucky, maybe even 12:55. But if you told me to finish by 1, you gotta be really stupid to think the work will magically be done by 11.
These people have no Mathematical sense. Take this another stupid example which totally makes me laugh, ironically:
A week ago, we were told to register our students online, 45 students for an important government examination next year. Alrighty, we have to finish by the 31st of August.
Wow, I love it when we don't have to finish our work the next day, but if we really do, I can finish it very quickly. With my typing skill and computer knowledge, trust me, my last-minute habit is the least of your problems.
So, let's take a look at our calendar, it says the 4th of August today. Guess what I was blamed for this morning.
Yup, I guess the other 14 teachers had started registering, only me who hasn't even started yet.
So I asked, we have to finish by the "31st" isn't it?
Yes we do.
Then, silly, why do we have to rush Giselle Hu?
How fucking ironic, I still have 27 more days before the deadline and yet, I was sort of lectured and blamed.
Duh, these people are like stupid or what?
If you said 31st, it means 31st, not the bloody 11th, not even the fucking 5th!
If you want us to finish sooner, you would sound a lot smarter by telling us an earlier date wouldn't you?
It's really easy to get Giselle Hu to work like she's on fire, you just have to pass something to her, give her a deadline and go wait patiently before you see the work done perfectly on your desk.
I don't like my last-minute habit, yes, but, if I get to finish my work on time, what do you fucking care?
It's your problem being an early bird, it's my problem being a night owl. Want me to get the work done by your UTC Daylight Saving? Easy, all you have to do is to be more accurate.
Sorry but I am just not the type to adapt or rush like an idiot or a nervous freak so I could suit myself with your impatience.
Just let me sit back and enjoy myself while while I do things for you, it's not my fault you are not as fast and efficient as I am.
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