Don't get me wrong, I do love Jesus, as much as I love dogs.
In the same "eww-don't-talk-nor-touch-me-you're-so-full-of-germs-and-contagious" kind of way.
They all belong in the category which has a big shiny and dashy label in front written "I don't care".
But lately, I've sadly discovered that dogs are starting to hold a place in my heart, all thanks to the influence of Alberto. Therefore, I can no longer compared dogs to Jesus.
Yes, I am the typical type of person who doesn't care about anything except myself, my computer, my belongings and those people I love around me. Jesus and religion just happened to be in the same category, you truly cannot blame me for it or to hold it against me.
But he did, once again, caught my attention since my sister abandoned Buddha.
Once upon a time, I did believe in Jesus because of a shocking discovery, which I don't mind telling you because it only takes a second.
I shockingly discovered, gasp, that usually, when I prayed to Jesus, my wishes were more likely to come true!!
I guess Jesus works in mysterious ways. I know mockery is my nature and I basically make fun of everything including Phil Collins, but I really do mean it when I say this and I also do mean it when I said I love Jesus' naturally curly hair.
I remembered, my only wish when I was little was for my mum to allow me to have long hair. But everytime when I prayed to Buddha, guess what, the next day my mum took me for a lame haircut.
So one day, I thought, hey, why don't I pray to Jesus for a change, and it just happened, that same night, or the night after, or the night after the night after, my mum said to me, "My darling daughter, I thought about it and you can have your long hair."
My mouth was ostrich-egg fitable, I started to look at Jesus with a whole new perspective.
Ok, I am no Christian therefore I guess my wish took awhile to come true, but I believed it's normal.
So not wanting to burden Jesus, I somehow prayed to Buddha as well if I didn't mind those wishes not coming true and seeked Jesus only when I was desperate. The more I prayed the more I found out, my wishes were more likely to double their chance to come true with Jesus, what were the odds!!
I also did pray to a certain god to test its reliance, I have to be discreet and keep its identity a secret but I guess since I am not a big fan of virgins, that god decided to neglect and ignore me. Smart move, just like Buddha.
I remember when I was 18, I suddenly have the urge to become a Christian. I don't know why, it just somehow striked me, the world could be a better place with love... Yes, plus the fact that Jesus granted a lot of my wishes, imagine what would happen if I become his follower!
The idea danced in my head for less than 2 weeks, then I decided I don't really care about anything therefore I can't be bothered.
Unlike my beloved-a-little-only sister... If only she's smart enough like me to know what to and what not to follow. Sigh, I can no longer bitch about Jesus in front of her, how sad, but of course, it's not like I am really gonna stop bitching if somehow she tried to "love" me in her very own unique Christian way.
I have a lot of friends who are Christians and I truly respect their faith and I never make fun of their god or whatever (only behind them), as long as they don't try to shove Jesus down my throat.
The thing with religious people, which also applies to people who believe in Buddha (or other god), when they love their god to a certain amount, they predictably decided to promote it and let the whole world know how amazing god's love is.
Do you use Facebook? Then I guess you feel the same when you see one girl leaving a love note on her boyfriend's wall and the two decided to mwah or wall-fuck each other openly in front of the monitor, it's the same theory. When you love someone to a certain amount, you want the world to know. But when you love someone to the bigger and greater amount, you want the world to share the love with you.
So, when my sister met boy A and romance kinda bloomed, boy A decided to tell her his one and only love is god and it's a very pleasant and happy thing to have god in your life.
My sister listened while god teamed up with Jesus to work their magic on her head. One day she woke up and decided to embrace the duo.
She thought, oh, I have to let the world know how amazing Jesus is and they all should love him the same as I do. Her world is so much brighter and meaningful because for once in her life, she is actually happy.
This is why she decided to run into the open arms of Jesus, Mr Buddha never made her smile like this.
So, she started joining a lot of Jesus related groups and also a group who does nothing except to read bibles during their free time.
Then, she also decided to let Jesus or god make their special appearance at least twice in every of her blog post.
... and how she wishes those bad people will be forgiven by god and how she hopes god will still love them.
... and seriously, how only god can wash away all her sins.
There is so much love, her blog suddenly becomes more noble than everyone else's.
I can tell how obsessed she is because she uses the Mandarin personal pronounce which you only use for god.
Like I said, something always happens when people decided to embrace something new, especially religion, nothing can be this predictably predictable.
You see, if one person liked "Jesus", "god", "lord" or quoted something in the bible or listed "bible" as their favourite book on their info tab on facebook, that person is truly Christian. In that case, you better make sure you don't pique their needs or urges to tell you to love and embrace god.
Wait a min, "Bible" as the favourite book??? Really?? I mean, this is like listing "5th Grade English Textbook" as my favourite book, ever!
I have nothing against Jesus and this is so not personal so don't get me wrong. I have a friend who decided to abandon Jesus and embrace Buddha, I made fun of Buddha the same way though I consider myself a Buddhist in a humble way, I just couldn't bear the thought of Buddha being in my throat while she forced me to swallow all the religious shit.
This is also why I am so sick of religious people, they not only forced you to swallow something they love, they have to "love" you when you swallow their "love" because "love" is the answer to everything.
There is so much love, so much love it makes me sick!
I mean, I love my computer more than anything else in this world too but how would you like it if I asked you to swallow it because my computer is meant to be loved by everyone in this world??
I am so bad today because my parents wanted so bad for me to be good. I make fun of religion so much today because practically, religious people feel the need to push people, people like me into loving god.
I know, why can't I just understand how meaningful religions are. Of course I cannot understand because I've got better things to do.
Do you remember those people who died in 9/11? They all died in the name of religion. I could give you more examples like Anne Frank but people, stop telling me religion only brings good things to the world.
Oh sorry, should've warned you in the beginning that this was truly offensive. But hey, you knew I wouldn't write anything good about god anyway.
Wednesday, 30 June 2010
Monday, 28 June 2010
The End
Sometimes, the greatest stories are the stories without an ending.
You know it, I know it, but apparently some Hollywood directors or movie producers don't know it.
So I guess when it comes to Hollywood movies, you could say "sometimes, the greatest stories are the stories without two endings."
Ever seen a good movie and months later you found out there's gonna be another one?
Now we all know Jurassic Park is a big success, apparently, Steven Spielberg knew it better, therefore he had to take the plot, twisted it a little, gave Jeff Goldblum a call and recycled the whole movie.
It's entertaining, but he completely ruined the former one, giving such an unnecessary ending.
... and it cost parents money for taking their kids to the cinema to watch such lame crap.
Just when we thought all this crap with the ending where Mr dinosaur taking a walk down San Diego doing its portable zoo thingy couldn't get any worse, some idiot had to come, recycled the plot again and made another movie named Jurassic Park III, telling us that dinosaurs, could actually, gasp, communicate with each others.
I know, ancient years whatever, they must have a way to communicate but who the fuck cares to watch the dinosaurs groans/boasts etc whenever they like? They look like some shitty stupid big fat McD addicts anyway!
Also, here's another example. Sex and the City used to be my favourite tv show when I was in college.
Oh you know I love listening to women brag about how horrible some men are in bed, how disgusting or small a man's penis is blah blah.
So after the series ended for awhile, which was actually pretty enough after 6 seasons of dragging, spinning around really old guys and the most charming character got cancer, along came another idiot, hoping the ending which Carrie and Big got married, twice would make the world a better place.
I don't remember why I went to this movie, the best part of it was looking at the penis of that hot Italian guy in a Singapore cinema.
Now that's worth paying Singapore dollars for, well really Albert paid for it.
I remember Ocean's Twelve was bad enough they had to ask Tess Ocean to pretend to be Julia Roberts, now that was completely stunning.
Spiderman I was pretty entertaining, Spiderman II make you a little speechless, but Spideman III truly made me felt like my sister slaps me on the face while someone throws empty ketchup bottles and fancy hair clips at me.
Remember Mission Impossible I, II & III? And oh, there's gonna be a IV very soon according to IMDb. Let's have fun watching the latest DILF named Tom Cruise, jumps to another girlfriend, shall we?
... and then there were Speed, Legally Blond, The Butterfly Effect, American Pie, Dr Dolittle, Scary Movie, The Mask, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Grease, Batman etc. I could go on for days but I don't want to be like one of those idiot directors.
Yet, day goes by and I'm still praying for Britney Spear's Crossroad II: Leave Her Alone to be released.
The more I write, the more I wonder if those directors or movie producers actually have brains.
Sometimes, the greatest stories are the stories without an ending and the biggest success is knowing when to walk away at the right time.
Oh yes, before I forget, did you watch "Sex and the City 2"?
Yeah, I so gotta put an end to this entry.
You know it, I know it, but apparently some Hollywood directors or movie producers don't know it.
So I guess when it comes to Hollywood movies, you could say "sometimes, the greatest stories are the stories without two endings."
Ever seen a good movie and months later you found out there's gonna be another one?
Now we all know Jurassic Park is a big success, apparently, Steven Spielberg knew it better, therefore he had to take the plot, twisted it a little, gave Jeff Goldblum a call and recycled the whole movie.
It's entertaining, but he completely ruined the former one, giving such an unnecessary ending.
... and it cost parents money for taking their kids to the cinema to watch such lame crap.
Just when we thought all this crap with the ending where Mr dinosaur taking a walk down San Diego doing its portable zoo thingy couldn't get any worse, some idiot had to come, recycled the plot again and made another movie named Jurassic Park III, telling us that dinosaurs, could actually, gasp, communicate with each others.
I know, ancient years whatever, they must have a way to communicate but who the fuck cares to watch the dinosaurs groans/boasts etc whenever they like? They look like some shitty stupid big fat McD addicts anyway!
Also, here's another example. Sex and the City used to be my favourite tv show when I was in college.
Oh you know I love listening to women brag about how horrible some men are in bed, how disgusting or small a man's penis is blah blah.
So after the series ended for awhile, which was actually pretty enough after 6 seasons of dragging, spinning around really old guys and the most charming character got cancer, along came another idiot, hoping the ending which Carrie and Big got married, twice would make the world a better place.
I don't remember why I went to this movie, the best part of it was looking at the penis of that hot Italian guy in a Singapore cinema.
Now that's worth paying Singapore dollars for, well really Albert paid for it.
I remember Ocean's Twelve was bad enough they had to ask Tess Ocean to pretend to be Julia Roberts, now that was completely stunning.
Spiderman I was pretty entertaining, Spiderman II make you a little speechless, but Spideman III truly made me felt like my sister slaps me on the face while someone throws empty ketchup bottles and fancy hair clips at me.
Remember Mission Impossible I, II & III? And oh, there's gonna be a IV very soon according to IMDb. Let's have fun watching the latest DILF named Tom Cruise, jumps to another girlfriend, shall we?
... and then there were Speed, Legally Blond, The Butterfly Effect, American Pie, Dr Dolittle, Scary Movie, The Mask, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Grease, Batman etc. I could go on for days but I don't want to be like one of those idiot directors.
Yet, day goes by and I'm still praying for Britney Spear's Crossroad II: Leave Her Alone to be released.
The more I write, the more I wonder if those directors or movie producers actually have brains.
Sometimes, the greatest stories are the stories without an ending and the biggest success is knowing when to walk away at the right time.
Oh yes, before I forget, did you watch "Sex and the City 2"?
Yeah, I so gotta put an end to this entry.
Friday, 18 June 2010
The Happy Earth vs The Happy Owners
There is absolutely no doubt hawkers in Singapore are indulging themselves charging people an extra 20 cents for takeaways.
... and I am never tired of filing numerous complaints against them, if they're being an arse.
If you enjoying eating out but eating out at home you will know exactly what I am talking about. Apparently, the hawkers in Singapore like charging people an extra 20 cents for takeaways for no apparent reasons.
According to Alberto, which I think is the only logical explanation, they charged you 20 cents for a lame plastic container. Perhaps, also according to Alberto, they want to reduce the amount of containers used to protect Mr Earth.
So no more plastic bags nor polystyrene.
Hmm, very environmental and wallet friendly!
I like eating takeaways but I do not like eating in public. First of all, the cutleries will be cleaner if I washed them; second, I seriously doubt if they washed and scrubbed the tray properly and third and the most important fact, I just like eating takeouts at home.
So after being charged a few times for the plastic containers, my container siblings are all happily piled up in Alberto's kitchen.
It's very easy to reduce the use of plastic containers to protect the earth. Either you spend a big amount of money buying Tupperware or Zebra products and use them for the rest of your life, or you use and reuse the crap plastic containers for a few times then recycle them.
So, let's take the latter option, why don't we reuse the pile first eh?
I did exactly what my mother, any other aunties in Asia or any international environmentalists would do, bring your own container for takeouts.
It was never a problem until one day, that afternoon at 3:20pm sharp, I tried to do the same thing at the noodle stall, a.k.a. "Quan Dan Mian" in Rivervale Mall.
The aunty told me, they give their own containers so I didn't have to use mine. Looking at my expression, she had to say something to support her former point, so she claimed the office forbids them to allow customers to use their own containers.
What the fuck, aunty?! How can the office disallow such a thing?? This is total bullshit, I bought from the opposite stall with the same method yesterday night.
She also did not look so firm when she was talking, it looked like she didn't even believe what she said, so clearly, it's not true.
She then again, nicely and auntily explained, this cheap container I was using is not good for multiple usage, what a fucking lame excuse.
It's my body and it's none of her concern if I got cancer eating from the same containers.
I told her I had many containers like this at home and I didn't wish to add more to my collection, so if she would kindly let me use it, blah blah, I would totally appreciate it. I was literally "begging" her.
She once again, told me the office won't allow that so I guessed that's the end.
Planning my evil complaining plot while buying food from another stall at the same time, I wondered why containers are a big problem only to that specific stall.
The solution is easy, perhaps I should just eat out and go home, true, but perhaps they should just stop charging people.
You see, dining-in comes with soup or some side dishes, takeaways don't, so basically, they sort of balance out without an extra charge.
I am quite an environmentalist, but I prefer doing what I like, what is convenient to me and be aware at how my kitchen looks at the same time.
If Singapore wants to make the earth a greener place, they should start putting recycle bins in every apartments or living areas. Hell I was forced to throw away a lot of stuffs because there's no recycle bins nearby.
Charging an extra 20 cents doesn't make the earth happy, it just makes the stall owners smile.
... and I am never tired of filing numerous complaints against them, if they're being an arse.
If you enjoying eating out but eating out at home you will know exactly what I am talking about. Apparently, the hawkers in Singapore like charging people an extra 20 cents for takeaways for no apparent reasons.
According to Alberto, which I think is the only logical explanation, they charged you 20 cents for a lame plastic container. Perhaps, also according to Alberto, they want to reduce the amount of containers used to protect Mr Earth.
So no more plastic bags nor polystyrene.
Hmm, very environmental and wallet friendly!
I like eating takeaways but I do not like eating in public. First of all, the cutleries will be cleaner if I washed them; second, I seriously doubt if they washed and scrubbed the tray properly and third and the most important fact, I just like eating takeouts at home.
So after being charged a few times for the plastic containers, my container siblings are all happily piled up in Alberto's kitchen.
It's very easy to reduce the use of plastic containers to protect the earth. Either you spend a big amount of money buying Tupperware or Zebra products and use them for the rest of your life, or you use and reuse the crap plastic containers for a few times then recycle them.
So, let's take the latter option, why don't we reuse the pile first eh?
I did exactly what my mother, any other aunties in Asia or any international environmentalists would do, bring your own container for takeouts.
It was never a problem until one day, that afternoon at 3:20pm sharp, I tried to do the same thing at the noodle stall, a.k.a. "Quan Dan Mian" in Rivervale Mall.
The aunty told me, they give their own containers so I didn't have to use mine. Looking at my expression, she had to say something to support her former point, so she claimed the office forbids them to allow customers to use their own containers.
What the fuck, aunty?! How can the office disallow such a thing?? This is total bullshit, I bought from the opposite stall with the same method yesterday night.
She also did not look so firm when she was talking, it looked like she didn't even believe what she said, so clearly, it's not true.
She then again, nicely and auntily explained, this cheap container I was using is not good for multiple usage, what a fucking lame excuse.
It's my body and it's none of her concern if I got cancer eating from the same containers.
I told her I had many containers like this at home and I didn't wish to add more to my collection, so if she would kindly let me use it, blah blah, I would totally appreciate it. I was literally "begging" her.
She once again, told me the office won't allow that so I guessed that's the end.
Planning my evil complaining plot while buying food from another stall at the same time, I wondered why containers are a big problem only to that specific stall.
The solution is easy, perhaps I should just eat out and go home, true, but perhaps they should just stop charging people.
You see, dining-in comes with soup or some side dishes, takeaways don't, so basically, they sort of balance out without an extra charge.
I am quite an environmentalist, but I prefer doing what I like, what is convenient to me and be aware at how my kitchen looks at the same time.
If Singapore wants to make the earth a greener place, they should start putting recycle bins in every apartments or living areas. Hell I was forced to throw away a lot of stuffs because there's no recycle bins nearby.
Charging an extra 20 cents doesn't make the earth happy, it just makes the stall owners smile.
Sunday, 9 May 2010
The Wannabe-Vampiress Day
Let's lose some blood the constructive way, shall we?
This morning, yes, on a lovely Sunday morning, my school organised a blood-donation campaign, sounds interesting doesn't it? I have anemia (thank god) so I don't have to have a big-ass needle stuck on one of my arms.
So you have to fill out a form and answer numerous questions about your health, it never occurred to me because it doesn't concern me.
I think it's logical for you to fill out this form yourself if you wish to donate blood because well, no one knows your personal details better than you. Also, would you rather I know you're infected with STD or you secretly fill that out in your form eh?
Some proud-ass parents thought they came to give you their blood therefore they didn't have to waste their energy filling out the form. They thought we were there to bloody serve them because, hey, they are giving us their blood.
I so don't get it, if you can read, if you can write, why do you need to ask someone to fill out the important details about yourself and do a questionnaire for you? That's a waste of time, energy and manpower isn't it? Well, some people just don't get it.
This is like, oh hey, I am suddenly so in the mood to donate some money to a charity organisation, therefore, I phone them up and ask them to pick me up at my house, drive me to their centre, open the door for me, walk me into their hall with a lot of people clapping their hands, sit me down at their charity table and when I am enjoying my very own donating moment, I take out my 450ml worth of money and hand it to them.
Or this is like me deciding to give someone my kidney, so I ask his family to take me to the hospital and fill out the form for me all because I am giving them my kidney.
Hey, it isn't too much to ask those people to serve me is it? After all I am giving them my money and my kidney.
So this macho guy, quite old and not really hot so not exactly those I would happily serve, threw his identity card at me and said "I don't know how to fill out the form, you fill for me, ok?"
I couldn't say no, because hey, he was giving us his blood.
I mean, if you were a vampire, you don't want to piss your prey off before you suck him/her dry.
The form comes in 2 different languages, English and Mandarin so how could people not know how exactly to fill out the forms??
I took a pen and started writing down his name and identity card number and his date of birth and his gender and his race and then hey, his marital status.
Whether this guy is single or married or divorced or whatever is not stated on his ID so I had to ask him.
Giselle: Urm, sir, you are married, right?
Sir Fat Guy: Yes.
Of course, duh, I know, you looked pretty old so I should've gathered.
Then I had to ask him his occupation, once again I secretly rolled my eyes and prayed that he won't tell me he works as a pimp daddy. "Oh hey girl, I am a pimp daddy, you wanna come work for me? Then I'll be your pimp daddy." I sure had no idea how to respond to that.
So I also had to ask for his mobile number, everything will be so bloody damn easy and daylight-saving if he would be kind enough to fill out the form himself. Then I also had to ask if he was a first time donor or a repeated donor, he claimed to be the latter, so sure he knew how to fill out the form.
Here comes the interesting questionnaire, I had to read a total of 19 questions (let's not count the little sub-questions which come in between).
(I really read them one by one, idiotly.)
Q1
Q: You ever read the brochures regarding blood donation?
A: What is that??
Q: Oh, it's those little booklets printed to inform you about blood-donating.
A: Yes yes, I've read.
Q2
Q: Do you feel well and healthy today? (of course, or he wouldn't have come, duh)
A: Yes.
Q3
Q: Did you have any problems during previous donations?
A: No.
Q4
Q: Have you been overseas in the past one year?
A: Oh, have I been overseas... hmm hmm... (turned to his friend) Have we been overseas last year? (Friend: Of course lah!) (turned to me) Yes.
Q4.2
Q: If yes, where?
A: (turned to his friend again) Where ah? (Friend: Vietnam) (turned to me) Vietnam.
Gosh, this guy doesn't remember where he travelled? I hope this short-term memory loss thingy doesn't affect the recipient.
Q5
Q: Have you visited or stayed in UK/Europe from 1980-1996 for more than 6 months?
A: No.
Q6.1
Q: In the past 3 years, have you had malaria infection?
A: Huh? What malaria?
Q: (turned to my colleague) How to explain this? (colleague rescued me while I secretly thought, if you don't know what disease probably means you are clean and rolled my eyes, secretly for the 10,000 times)
A: No.
Q6.2
Q: In the past 3 years, have you used any anti-malaria drugs?
A: No.
Q6.3
Q: In the past 3 years, have you been to a malaria endemic area?
A: No.
Q7
Q: In the last 6 months have you been involved in any accident or undergone surgery?
A: No.
(fucking shit is this ever going to end?)
Q8.1
Q: In the last 12 months have you undergone tattooing, body piercing or acupuncture?
A: No.
Q8.2
Q: In the last 12 months have you received any blood transfusion?
A: No.
Q9
Q: Have you had any vaccination within the last 3 weeks?
A: No.
Q10
Q: Have you had any dental treatment in the past 24 hours?
A: No.
(dear god, seriously, I am truly sorry for not believing in you but do save me anyway, please...)
Q11
Q: Have you been sick in the past one week?
A: No.
Q12
Q: Have you taken any medication in the past 1 week?
A: No.
Q13
Q: Have you had any of the following diseases? (then I had to read all those 10 diseases one by one while he repeatedly said no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. One of the diseases listed is STD so of course, I seriously doubt if his answer will be a yes.)
(This will be so much easier and faster if you would just put down your goddamn pride and fill out the whole form yourself, dear uncle.)
Q14
Q: Have any of your family members ever had Hepatitis B or Hepatitis C infection?
A: No.
Q15 is for a female donor so I skipped it, almost there Giselle, hang on..
Q16 I asked him to read himself because it concerned th(ose) he had sex with. None of my business, I don't need to know if he had multiple partners or enjoyed sex with another man or a prostitute or whatever.
Q17
Q: Are you donating blood to test for HIV or Hepatitis Infection?
A: No.
Q18
Q: Have you injected yourself with drugs not prescribed by the doctor?
A: No.
Q19
Q: Have you completed your Hepatitis B Immunization?
A: Yes.
Q19.1
Q: If yes, when?
A: Don't remember.
Then I asked him to sign, finally! WEE!
I did all these things stated above while he was enjoying the scenery, what a wonderful world..
I was a little tempted to check the box which says "HIV partner", "STD" and "another man"... but it's easy to resist the little demon inside me because I am not a man.
I am too kind, you know, plus, he was giving us his blood.
I would be dead if there were more people like him, luckily he was the only client for me, though I heard my colleagues asking a few people the same questions... Lucky me, I cannot imagine reading those 19+ questions again for the 2nd or the 3rd time!!
Seriously, people do think by donating blood they have every right in the world to be lazy and be on top of you?
This morning, yes, on a lovely Sunday morning, my school organised a blood-donation campaign, sounds interesting doesn't it? I have anemia (thank god) so I don't have to have a big-ass needle stuck on one of my arms.
So you have to fill out a form and answer numerous questions about your health, it never occurred to me because it doesn't concern me.
I think it's logical for you to fill out this form yourself if you wish to donate blood because well, no one knows your personal details better than you. Also, would you rather I know you're infected with STD or you secretly fill that out in your form eh?
Some proud-ass parents thought they came to give you their blood therefore they didn't have to waste their energy filling out the form. They thought we were there to bloody serve them because, hey, they are giving us their blood.
I so don't get it, if you can read, if you can write, why do you need to ask someone to fill out the important details about yourself and do a questionnaire for you? That's a waste of time, energy and manpower isn't it? Well, some people just don't get it.
This is like, oh hey, I am suddenly so in the mood to donate some money to a charity organisation, therefore, I phone them up and ask them to pick me up at my house, drive me to their centre, open the door for me, walk me into their hall with a lot of people clapping their hands, sit me down at their charity table and when I am enjoying my very own donating moment, I take out my 450ml worth of money and hand it to them.
Or this is like me deciding to give someone my kidney, so I ask his family to take me to the hospital and fill out the form for me all because I am giving them my kidney.
Hey, it isn't too much to ask those people to serve me is it? After all I am giving them my money and my kidney.
So this macho guy, quite old and not really hot so not exactly those I would happily serve, threw his identity card at me and said "I don't know how to fill out the form, you fill for me, ok?"
I couldn't say no, because hey, he was giving us his blood.
I mean, if you were a vampire, you don't want to piss your prey off before you suck him/her dry.
The form comes in 2 different languages, English and Mandarin so how could people not know how exactly to fill out the forms??
I took a pen and started writing down his name and identity card number and his date of birth and his gender and his race and then hey, his marital status.
Whether this guy is single or married or divorced or whatever is not stated on his ID so I had to ask him.
Giselle: Urm, sir, you are married, right?
Sir Fat Guy: Yes.
Of course, duh, I know, you looked pretty old so I should've gathered.
Then I had to ask him his occupation, once again I secretly rolled my eyes and prayed that he won't tell me he works as a pimp daddy. "Oh hey girl, I am a pimp daddy, you wanna come work for me? Then I'll be your pimp daddy." I sure had no idea how to respond to that.
So I also had to ask for his mobile number, everything will be so bloody damn easy and daylight-saving if he would be kind enough to fill out the form himself. Then I also had to ask if he was a first time donor or a repeated donor, he claimed to be the latter, so sure he knew how to fill out the form.
Here comes the interesting questionnaire, I had to read a total of 19 questions (let's not count the little sub-questions which come in between).
(I really read them one by one, idiotly.)
Q1
Q: You ever read the brochures regarding blood donation?
A: What is that??
Q: Oh, it's those little booklets printed to inform you about blood-donating.
A: Yes yes, I've read.
Q2
Q: Do you feel well and healthy today? (of course, or he wouldn't have come, duh)
A: Yes.
Q3
Q: Did you have any problems during previous donations?
A: No.
Q4
Q: Have you been overseas in the past one year?
A: Oh, have I been overseas... hmm hmm... (turned to his friend) Have we been overseas last year? (Friend: Of course lah!) (turned to me) Yes.
Q4.2
Q: If yes, where?
A: (turned to his friend again) Where ah? (Friend: Vietnam) (turned to me) Vietnam.
Gosh, this guy doesn't remember where he travelled? I hope this short-term memory loss thingy doesn't affect the recipient.
Q5
Q: Have you visited or stayed in UK/Europe from 1980-1996 for more than 6 months?
A: No.
Q6.1
Q: In the past 3 years, have you had malaria infection?
A: Huh? What malaria?
Q: (turned to my colleague) How to explain this? (colleague rescued me while I secretly thought, if you don't know what disease probably means you are clean and rolled my eyes, secretly for the 10,000 times)
A: No.
Q6.2
Q: In the past 3 years, have you used any anti-malaria drugs?
A: No.
Q6.3
Q: In the past 3 years, have you been to a malaria endemic area?
A: No.
Q7
Q: In the last 6 months have you been involved in any accident or undergone surgery?
A: No.
(fucking shit is this ever going to end?)
Q8.1
Q: In the last 12 months have you undergone tattooing, body piercing or acupuncture?
A: No.
Q8.2
Q: In the last 12 months have you received any blood transfusion?
A: No.
Q9
Q: Have you had any vaccination within the last 3 weeks?
A: No.
Q10
Q: Have you had any dental treatment in the past 24 hours?
A: No.
(dear god, seriously, I am truly sorry for not believing in you but do save me anyway, please...)
Q11
Q: Have you been sick in the past one week?
A: No.
Q12
Q: Have you taken any medication in the past 1 week?
A: No.
Q13
Q: Have you had any of the following diseases? (then I had to read all those 10 diseases one by one while he repeatedly said no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. One of the diseases listed is STD so of course, I seriously doubt if his answer will be a yes.)
(This will be so much easier and faster if you would just put down your goddamn pride and fill out the whole form yourself, dear uncle.)
Q14
Q: Have any of your family members ever had Hepatitis B or Hepatitis C infection?
A: No.
Q15 is for a female donor so I skipped it, almost there Giselle, hang on..
Q16 I asked him to read himself because it concerned th(ose) he had sex with. None of my business, I don't need to know if he had multiple partners or enjoyed sex with another man or a prostitute or whatever.
Q17
Q: Are you donating blood to test for HIV or Hepatitis Infection?
A: No.
Q18
Q: Have you injected yourself with drugs not prescribed by the doctor?
A: No.
Q19
Q: Have you completed your Hepatitis B Immunization?
A: Yes.
Q19.1
Q: If yes, when?
A: Don't remember.
Then I asked him to sign, finally! WEE!
I did all these things stated above while he was enjoying the scenery, what a wonderful world..
I was a little tempted to check the box which says "HIV partner", "STD" and "another man"... but it's easy to resist the little demon inside me because I am not a man.
I am too kind, you know, plus, he was giving us his blood.
I would be dead if there were more people like him, luckily he was the only client for me, though I heard my colleagues asking a few people the same questions... Lucky me, I cannot imagine reading those 19+ questions again for the 2nd or the 3rd time!!
Seriously, people do think by donating blood they have every right in the world to be lazy and be on top of you?
Sunday, 14 March 2010
The Souvenir
If there's something I learn about men, it's not how perverted they are, but it's how lack of peeing knowledge in their pea-sized brain.
You know, men really cannot blame women wanting them to put down the toilet seat the whole time, hell we will allow you to use the toilet seat if you teach your penis how to aim properly.
I hate it, after a man use your toilet, they leave you a souvenir or two on the toilet for you. I am talking about a tiny drop of their yellowish liquid or an organic dental floss, but I am not going to ramble on how men should look after their pubic hair here.
Look, I am not demanding nor high-maintenance but who would like to sit on a toilet with a mini pool of pee on it??
I remember last time when Alberto and I were still living in Braddell Hill, there's this air-cond guy who came to fix the air-cond one day.
Oh no, I did not push him towards the wall and starred in a new porn with him, but he did use my toilet.
I mean, don't guys at least like check the toilet after they shake their willy dry after peeing??
He left me a very nice drop of Mr-Little-Air-Cond, judging from the colour, I know he's not a very healthy person and he does not drink 8 glasses of water per day.
I could not shout at him because we're not dating, so I had no choice but to spray water on it while being extremely annoyed.
My ex had the same bad habit, if I left home for a few days, the whole toilet seat transformed from a Caucasian to an Asian when I returned.
Do men even know how to pee?? They should really tone down their ego and sit down and listen to women sometimes, sure we women know how to pee better than men.
This whole men-drama becomes more dramatic today, when I was in the bus, the smell was unbearable after 1 and a half men use the toilet.
I am telling you, I almost fainted when I passed by the door, U-N-B-E-A-R-A-B-L-E!
I had no courage to open the door, I haven't turned 26, I'm still a baby, I don't need to die to make people call me young.
The driver had to enter and cleaned the toilet a little. According to him, the bloody peed all over the floor while pretended to be really pobre so I would pamper him...
I would really love to unbelt the older man to see if his willy is like a turning/shaking vibrator, that's the only logical explanation why he peed all over the floor. The other half man was a little boy, well I don't wanna go to prison so I'll keep the mystery in mind.
Catherine Zeta-Jones once said the key to happy marriage is a separate toilet, that's wise, I can really understand that.
You could never trust a man to handle toilet, well, can't really blame them, they don't know how to handle their own penis anyway.
I am so lucky Alberto doesn't leave me these sweet little souvenirs at home, maybe that's why I am still happy with him after 2 years plus of dating.
So blessed, sure I am, bendecida!
You know, men really cannot blame women wanting them to put down the toilet seat the whole time, hell we will allow you to use the toilet seat if you teach your penis how to aim properly.
I hate it, after a man use your toilet, they leave you a souvenir or two on the toilet for you. I am talking about a tiny drop of their yellowish liquid or an organic dental floss, but I am not going to ramble on how men should look after their pubic hair here.
Look, I am not demanding nor high-maintenance but who would like to sit on a toilet with a mini pool of pee on it??
I remember last time when Alberto and I were still living in Braddell Hill, there's this air-cond guy who came to fix the air-cond one day.
Oh no, I did not push him towards the wall and starred in a new porn with him, but he did use my toilet.
I mean, don't guys at least like check the toilet after they shake their willy dry after peeing??
He left me a very nice drop of Mr-Little-Air-Cond, judging from the colour, I know he's not a very healthy person and he does not drink 8 glasses of water per day.
I could not shout at him because we're not dating, so I had no choice but to spray water on it while being extremely annoyed.
My ex had the same bad habit, if I left home for a few days, the whole toilet seat transformed from a Caucasian to an Asian when I returned.
Do men even know how to pee?? They should really tone down their ego and sit down and listen to women sometimes, sure we women know how to pee better than men.
This whole men-drama becomes more dramatic today, when I was in the bus, the smell was unbearable after 1 and a half men use the toilet.
I am telling you, I almost fainted when I passed by the door, U-N-B-E-A-R-A-B-L-E!
I had no courage to open the door, I haven't turned 26, I'm still a baby, I don't need to die to make people call me young.
The driver had to enter and cleaned the toilet a little. According to him, the bloody peed all over the floor while pretended to be really pobre so I would pamper him...
I would really love to unbelt the older man to see if his willy is like a turning/shaking vibrator, that's the only logical explanation why he peed all over the floor. The other half man was a little boy, well I don't wanna go to prison so I'll keep the mystery in mind.
Catherine Zeta-Jones once said the key to happy marriage is a separate toilet, that's wise, I can really understand that.
You could never trust a man to handle toilet, well, can't really blame them, they don't know how to handle their own penis anyway.
I am so lucky Alberto doesn't leave me these sweet little souvenirs at home, maybe that's why I am still happy with him after 2 years plus of dating.
So blessed, sure I am, bendecida!
Tuesday, 9 February 2010
The Essential Adjectives, The To-Change-or-Not-To Changes and The Poetic Morning
Women should really learn to be less boring to the public eye.
So there I was, in an English course since they claimed we "need" to "improve" our English and fighting my urge to stand up and curse fuck you.
First, we were supposed to come out with a group name. Ok, this course will go on for the next 7 months so I guessed, if you have to tag yourself like that for such a long period, it's gotta be something outstandingly impressive.
But as far as I was concerned, the other groups were "English is fun", "English without tears", "English train-ride!", "The Key Group", etc, yay.
Oh my god that's like Jesus-loves-me-ly boring.
Let me give you a head's up, a group name, is perhaps, something like "The Thirsty Hippos", "The Jumping Dinosaurs", "The Funny Gorillas", or "The Psychiatric Bitches".
... or something hi-tech that fits in this 21st century like "The Colourful Fire-foxes", "The Internet'ional Explorers", "The Googling Goggles", or perhaps, "The U Tubes".
What the hell is with statement-friendly names like "English is fun" and "English without tears"?!?!
So when my group was trying to come out with a name, somebody suggested "Johoreans" since we are all from Johor.
Wow, really? One thing they really have to know about me, I will never allow something related to me to have such an ordinary name.
I was trying to find a way to reject that stupid name, I was thinking about, perhaps, "Psychedelic Climax", but I doubt their limited brain knowledge knows anything about sense-of-humour-when-it-comes-to-naming-your-group.
Besides, I corrected and pushed my ideas into their minds for a thousand times this morning, I still thought it's too early to show how demanding I am so I guessed I would tolerate the word "Johoreans"...
... only if they agreed to add another adjective called "sophisticated" into our group name.
Boring aside, "Johoreans" are so chicken-from-the-village, but hmm, kinda rude to keep correcting people.
So there, we are the "Sophisticated Johoreans", classy huh?
The world is such a better place with adjectives!
... and adjectives do bring out the essential with Giselle Hu's wisdom!
Then, they wanted us to get into our groups and discuss what women want.
I won't tell you how tempted I was to put up my hand and say "orgasms". I did not do it though, I am very strong-willed.
I really couldn't, I sat around lots of Muslims, traditionally old-fashioned Chinese aunties and some rather perverted-looking male, I wouldn't want to get into any sort of troubles.
Don't we miss the old days where what all women want is to find a good ol' husband?
After 15 minutes of discussion and 5 minutes of presentations I really could not believe what those women think women want...
Look at this, they compiled something that said:
"Oh, what I want in my life are
Number one, money
Number two, a good husband
Number three, obedient children
Number four, loving family
Number five, spiritual life...
Zzzzzz, zzzzz, oh sorry about that, I just fell asleep.
That's so 50s-ly housewives, what are they doing out?
So I said, what I think, generally women want:
1. Power
2. Respect
3. Health
4. Security
5. Beauty
6. Youth
7. Career
8. Freedom
9. Joy
10. Beautiful Dresses
... and I leave the essential to the end: Men.
Oh I so cannot live without men for one single day of my life, and yes, we women are just as shallow as you men, only you hope for an extra large penis every day but we don't.
I am a rather humble person, I had to present a list that's neutral to me and women in general. I mean if I really have to compile a list of what I really want, this would be it:
1. Sex
2. A full treasure chest of expensive and kinky sex toys.
3. Unlimited supplies of nice pornographic movies
4. Six wardrobes of beautiful dresses and sexy lingeries for the occasions.
5. Legal pirated downloads.
6. To have sex, once at least, with Tang Wei before I die.
7. To give Tommy Robredo a kiss on the cheek when he wins Wimbledon this year.
8. Power to rule over men
9. Men
10. Men falling for me
11. Men
and
12. Men falling for me.
I cannot really say that can I? I don't think old-fashioned people have such a big sense of humour.
I guess being boring do make a difference.
Surprised as I am, but being around those boring people, I had more fun than I should and made more friends than I thought I would.
I look forward to being around boring people soon.
So there I was, in an English course since they claimed we "need" to "improve" our English and fighting my urge to stand up and curse fuck you.
First, we were supposed to come out with a group name. Ok, this course will go on for the next 7 months so I guessed, if you have to tag yourself like that for such a long period, it's gotta be something outstandingly impressive.
But as far as I was concerned, the other groups were "English is fun", "English without tears", "English train-ride!", "The Key Group", etc, yay.
Oh my god that's like Jesus-loves-me-ly boring.
Let me give you a head's up, a group name, is perhaps, something like "The Thirsty Hippos", "The Jumping Dinosaurs", "The Funny Gorillas", or "The Psychiatric Bitches".
... or something hi-tech that fits in this 21st century like "The Colourful Fire-foxes", "The Internet'ional Explorers", "The Googling Goggles", or perhaps, "The U Tubes".
What the hell is with statement-friendly names like "English is fun" and "English without tears"?!?!
So when my group was trying to come out with a name, somebody suggested "Johoreans" since we are all from Johor.
Wow, really? One thing they really have to know about me, I will never allow something related to me to have such an ordinary name.
I was trying to find a way to reject that stupid name, I was thinking about, perhaps, "Psychedelic Climax", but I doubt their limited brain knowledge knows anything about sense-of-humour-when-it-comes-to-naming-your-group.
Besides, I corrected and pushed my ideas into their minds for a thousand times this morning, I still thought it's too early to show how demanding I am so I guessed I would tolerate the word "Johoreans"...
... only if they agreed to add another adjective called "sophisticated" into our group name.
Boring aside, "Johoreans" are so chicken-from-the-village, but hmm, kinda rude to keep correcting people.
So there, we are the "Sophisticated Johoreans", classy huh?
The world is such a better place with adjectives!
... and adjectives do bring out the essential with Giselle Hu's wisdom!
Then, they wanted us to get into our groups and discuss what women want.
I won't tell you how tempted I was to put up my hand and say "orgasms". I did not do it though, I am very strong-willed.
I really couldn't, I sat around lots of Muslims, traditionally old-fashioned Chinese aunties and some rather perverted-looking male, I wouldn't want to get into any sort of troubles.
Don't we miss the old days where what all women want is to find a good ol' husband?
After 15 minutes of discussion and 5 minutes of presentations I really could not believe what those women think women want...
Look at this, they compiled something that said:
"Oh, what I want in my life are
Number one, money
Number two, a good husband
Number three, obedient children
Number four, loving family
Number five, spiritual life...
Zzzzzz, zzzzz, oh sorry about that, I just fell asleep.
That's so 50s-ly housewives, what are they doing out?
So I said, what I think, generally women want:
1. Power
2. Respect
3. Health
4. Security
5. Beauty
6. Youth
7. Career
8. Freedom
9. Joy
10. Beautiful Dresses
... and I leave the essential to the end: Men.
Oh I so cannot live without men for one single day of my life, and yes, we women are just as shallow as you men, only you hope for an extra large penis every day but we don't.
I am a rather humble person, I had to present a list that's neutral to me and women in general. I mean if I really have to compile a list of what I really want, this would be it:
1. Sex
2. A full treasure chest of expensive and kinky sex toys.
3. Unlimited supplies of nice pornographic movies
4. Six wardrobes of beautiful dresses and sexy lingeries for the occasions.
5. Legal pirated downloads.
6. To have sex, once at least, with Tang Wei before I die.
7. To give Tommy Robredo a kiss on the cheek when he wins Wimbledon this year.
8. Power to rule over men
9. Men
10. Men falling for me
11. Men
and
12. Men falling for me.
I cannot really say that can I? I don't think old-fashioned people have such a big sense of humour.
I guess being boring do make a difference.
Surprised as I am, but being around those boring people, I had more fun than I should and made more friends than I thought I would.
I look forward to being around boring people soon.
Monday, 1 February 2010
The Vogue Ride
The MRT in Singapore sure knows how to be in fashion!
Just when you thought this please-don't-let-anyone-bomb-our-mrt game is going nowhere and you no longer pay attention to the aunties and uncles starring in the video, they thought of something new to alert you.
Now I don't know about the red and the green line but if you're taking the purple line, you will hear numerous "please do not lean against the door".
Funny, I think they just picked a random officer out of their staffs, he speaks English with a local accent, very annoying-hearing.
He doesn't say "please do not lean against the door" in a pleasant tone, he says "pleeeesss do not leeeeeennnnnn againsssssss the dooooooor."
Ok, I am exaggerating, I'll admit it, but bottom line, he sounds very local and oh-I-am-so-buu-because-I-am-at-work.
This pre-recorded line will be played when a new station is reached, before they open the door. They all sound the same to me but Alberto says they recorded a few different versions,
some versions sound angrier.
I wonder how leaning against the train doors makes a difference, Alberto claimed safety aside, it might damage their door.
Ahh, that's not really our problem isn't it?
They tell you how dangerous it is to lean against the door but never an accident about it. Like how people tell you Durex is not safe but I never get knocked up after all these years of testing.
Yes, let's entertain ourselves while taking the ride, shall we?
Just when you thought this please-don't-let-anyone-bomb-our-mrt game is going nowhere and you no longer pay attention to the aunties and uncles starring in the video, they thought of something new to alert you.
Now I don't know about the red and the green line but if you're taking the purple line, you will hear numerous "please do not lean against the door".
Funny, I think they just picked a random officer out of their staffs, he speaks English with a local accent, very annoying-hearing.
He doesn't say "please do not lean against the door" in a pleasant tone, he says "pleeeesss do not leeeeeennnnnn againsssssss the dooooooor."
Ok, I am exaggerating, I'll admit it, but bottom line, he sounds very local and oh-I-am-so-buu-because-I-am-at-work.
This pre-recorded line will be played when a new station is reached, before they open the door. They all sound the same to me but Alberto says they recorded a few different versions,
some versions sound angrier.
I wonder how leaning against the train doors makes a difference, Alberto claimed safety aside, it might damage their door.
Ahh, that's not really our problem isn't it?
They tell you how dangerous it is to lean against the door but never an accident about it. Like how people tell you Durex is not safe but I never get knocked up after all these years of testing.
Yes, let's entertain ourselves while taking the ride, shall we?
Thursday, 21 January 2010
The Ecstatic Barneys
Kuala Lumpur is so flooded with idiots lately.
I know, I enjoy calling people idiots a lot but I really do mean it this time.
If you feel bored and want to fool someone stupid when they try to hoax you, you should really take a walk down Kuala Lumpur, try Chinatown.
Every Friday when I go there waiting for my bus to take me back to the arms of my lovely daddy and mummy, god wants me to bump into these group of idiots.
They walk around holding a little pile of perhaps, cards, kinda follow you around for awhile, claiming they are from a very big company giving out prizes to lucky people.
Hmm, interesting, I was once a grand prize winner.
I still remember when I was walking towards the monorail of Bukit Bintang one day, some idiot came to me, out of nowhere, out of the blue, handed me a piece of cards/brochure/paper-like thingy, wanted me to take one to support their promotion.
It was so out of nowhere, my mind went blank, you know, just like it did when you saw your future ex-boyfriend for the very first time.
So my fate was in his palm, apparently I took a card before I realised it.
Now one more guy whom I would call Mr Douchebag walked towards me, waiting impatiently trying to see what was inside the paper.
It was like time completely stopped, we all completely stopped breathing.
... and before my gigantic-sized brain could start functioning, they started jumping up and down, just like Barney the dinosaur.
Shhh, silly monkeys, now we don't need any unwanted attention do we?
They were so ecstatic you actually thought they were on excessive viagra and they were waaayyyy pass the oh-I-am-so-hard point.
Suddenly, I AM the grand prize winner! *gasp* Oh my god, I knew I am "doomed" to be lucky!
Watching the two orange Barneys jumping up and down (hmm, not purple, not this time), I think it's a big shame they don't participate in Olympics.
They showed me a menu and told me I should really rush to their centre now, which is nowhere out of nowhere. Of course, my car is not with me so I really can't go.
Then they told me how this is my once-in-a-lifetime chance, yeah, I think I heard that before.
The grand prize was over RM5000 for sure so I'd be the biggest fool not being in a taxi heading towards heaven right now, heaven where my 72 virgins were waiting for me.
Nahh, not a big fan of virgins.
Ok, first of all and seriously, taking a taxi to that place, the fucking lucky taxi driver will probably rip me more than 5k, so I don't think the taxi option is that tempting.
Second of all, their prizes were like, a trip to I-don't-know-where-oh-was-it-Zimbabwe, a fridge, a Vaio, a Honda, a telly, a boombox, or whatever, things I don't really need, I don't really want and I don't really care.
Hmm, just when I thought I was too lucky to be true, Mr Douchebag asked me to draw another card out of his pile to prove that all their cards are not the same.
Ok, I won a pen this time, I guess we don't win grand prizes twice in a day.
I was a little bit too kind and innocent to believe the guys were fake, plus I really didn't want and couldn't go to that place so I handed him my grand prize card and told him he could have mine.
You know how Buddha taught us to share stuffs and give love to others, especially the retarded ones.
Kinda surprised with my reaction, they asked me to sign the card, saying they will get money for people signing.
Oh wow, I feel like Britney!
Yeah whatever, thankfully they let me go and went to find their next targets.
This thing completely slipped my mind until I met the similar excessive-viagra-taking Barneys in Chinatown, again, doing their Barney charm.
I am telling you, you have never seen a guy this ecstatic your whole life and you never will until you meet these guys!
This company sure knows how to hire people who can jump!
Apparently, people living in KL are winning grand prizes worth more than 5k every day, I guess god really does exist and we are all really that lucky.
I would really love to play that game again, I guess it's my chance to strike again after 6 months.
Are you bored? Well, take a walk down Chinatown with me then.
I know, I enjoy calling people idiots a lot but I really do mean it this time.
If you feel bored and want to fool someone stupid when they try to hoax you, you should really take a walk down Kuala Lumpur, try Chinatown.
Every Friday when I go there waiting for my bus to take me back to the arms of my lovely daddy and mummy, god wants me to bump into these group of idiots.
They walk around holding a little pile of perhaps, cards, kinda follow you around for awhile, claiming they are from a very big company giving out prizes to lucky people.
Hmm, interesting, I was once a grand prize winner.
I still remember when I was walking towards the monorail of Bukit Bintang one day, some idiot came to me, out of nowhere, out of the blue, handed me a piece of cards/brochure/paper-like thingy, wanted me to take one to support their promotion.
It was so out of nowhere, my mind went blank, you know, just like it did when you saw your future ex-boyfriend for the very first time.
So my fate was in his palm, apparently I took a card before I realised it.
Now one more guy whom I would call Mr Douchebag walked towards me, waiting impatiently trying to see what was inside the paper.
It was like time completely stopped, we all completely stopped breathing.
... and before my gigantic-sized brain could start functioning, they started jumping up and down, just like Barney the dinosaur.
Shhh, silly monkeys, now we don't need any unwanted attention do we?
They were so ecstatic you actually thought they were on excessive viagra and they were waaayyyy pass the oh-I-am-so-hard point.
Suddenly, I AM the grand prize winner! *gasp* Oh my god, I knew I am "doomed" to be lucky!
Watching the two orange Barneys jumping up and down (hmm, not purple, not this time), I think it's a big shame they don't participate in Olympics.
They showed me a menu and told me I should really rush to their centre now, which is nowhere out of nowhere. Of course, my car is not with me so I really can't go.
Then they told me how this is my once-in-a-lifetime chance, yeah, I think I heard that before.
The grand prize was over RM5000 for sure so I'd be the biggest fool not being in a taxi heading towards heaven right now, heaven where my 72 virgins were waiting for me.
Nahh, not a big fan of virgins.
Ok, first of all and seriously, taking a taxi to that place, the fucking lucky taxi driver will probably rip me more than 5k, so I don't think the taxi option is that tempting.
Second of all, their prizes were like, a trip to I-don't-know-where-oh-was-it-Zimbabwe, a fridge, a Vaio, a Honda, a telly, a boombox, or whatever, things I don't really need, I don't really want and I don't really care.
Hmm, just when I thought I was too lucky to be true, Mr Douchebag asked me to draw another card out of his pile to prove that all their cards are not the same.
Ok, I won a pen this time, I guess we don't win grand prizes twice in a day.
I was a little bit too kind and innocent to believe the guys were fake, plus I really didn't want and couldn't go to that place so I handed him my grand prize card and told him he could have mine.
You know how Buddha taught us to share stuffs and give love to others, especially the retarded ones.
Kinda surprised with my reaction, they asked me to sign the card, saying they will get money for people signing.
Oh wow, I feel like Britney!
Yeah whatever, thankfully they let me go and went to find their next targets.
This thing completely slipped my mind until I met the similar excessive-viagra-taking Barneys in Chinatown, again, doing their Barney charm.
I am telling you, you have never seen a guy this ecstatic your whole life and you never will until you meet these guys!
This company sure knows how to hire people who can jump!
Apparently, people living in KL are winning grand prizes worth more than 5k every day, I guess god really does exist and we are all really that lucky.
I would really love to play that game again, I guess it's my chance to strike again after 6 months.
Are you bored? Well, take a walk down Chinatown with me then.
Friday, 15 January 2010
The Silk Under the Sun
I am thinking, since we don't see penises in a condom ad, it's normal not to see hair in a haircare advert too.
When I first saw the Sunsilk ad somewhere here in Malaysia, I was completely blown away. The advert featured four beautiful women including one, clearly Muslim.
Let's not be offensive but be clear, we don't really see those Yes-Muslim-for-sure-I-am people except when it comes to ads that are promoting Islam stuffs, like opening a bank account in an Islamic bank (Buddha and Jesus should really consider opening a bank too), getting a credit card which every penny you spend is "truly Allah" (according to a radio ad, no kidding, people) or getting some Muslim-only-exclusive insurance.
... but a haircare advert, seriously?
Those 3 women without the head scarf were proudly showing off their hair just like Ziyi Zhang or any other spokewomen except the fourth one, she was posing in such, such, such a conservative and humble pose. For a minute, you're very very confused.
Let's face it, we don't see this kinda advertisement every day.
I mean, her head is completely covered in headscarf.
Urm, wait a minute, if you're advertising about hair, it's only normal to show, a least, a tiny little grasp of hairs isn't it?
Pantene sure plays the game that way.
Alright I get it, perhaps the shampoo named Sunsilk can make your hair turn into green silks, I guess they're not joking.
Didn't the art director asked her to remove the headscarf before they proceeded with the photo shoot??
The lime-flavoured shampoo, acts perhaps, like a lime-flavoured washing detergen.
I guess when we finally see penises in a condom ad, Sunsilk would consider showing some hair.
Sunsilk, also truly Allah.
When I first saw the Sunsilk ad somewhere here in Malaysia, I was completely blown away. The advert featured four beautiful women including one, clearly Muslim.
Let's not be offensive but be clear, we don't really see those Yes-Muslim-for-sure-I-am people except when it comes to ads that are promoting Islam stuffs, like opening a bank account in an Islamic bank (Buddha and Jesus should really consider opening a bank too), getting a credit card which every penny you spend is "truly Allah" (according to a radio ad, no kidding, people) or getting some Muslim-only-exclusive insurance.
... but a haircare advert, seriously?
Those 3 women without the head scarf were proudly showing off their hair just like Ziyi Zhang or any other spokewomen except the fourth one, she was posing in such, such, such a conservative and humble pose. For a minute, you're very very confused.
Let's face it, we don't see this kinda advertisement every day.
I mean, her head is completely covered in headscarf.
Urm, wait a minute, if you're advertising about hair, it's only normal to show, a least, a tiny little grasp of hairs isn't it?
Pantene sure plays the game that way.
Alright I get it, perhaps the shampoo named Sunsilk can make your hair turn into green silks, I guess they're not joking.
Didn't the art director asked her to remove the headscarf before they proceeded with the photo shoot??
The lime-flavoured shampoo, acts perhaps, like a lime-flavoured washing detergen.
I guess when we finally see penises in a condom ad, Sunsilk would consider showing some hair.
Sunsilk, also truly Allah.
Tuesday, 12 January 2010
The Wisdom in Your Pants
Don't you just love it, when a woman, sexy or not, wearing extremely low-cut jeans, bend over and reveal you her very own casino slot?
If, I mean if, her slot is half covered by a very ugly-looking piece of material which looked like she's wore it for over 10 years, you get sort of turned off and hope she has a better taste when it comes to choosing underwear.
Buying underwear, I believe, is wisdom.
You should always choose comfortable underwear, true, but let's not kid ourselves, why not spend a couple of extra bucks buying nicer looking undies?
I believe it's my OCD speaking, when I see the underwear behind the low cuts, especially if it looked really ugly and old and the colour is not very friendly with the low cuts.
If women are wearing low cuts with ugly looking briefs, they should at least try to hide what's on the inside, perhaps by folding it down.
I remember there was once when Annie and I were shopping somewhere in Singapore, there's somewhere doing a promotion for men's underwear.
She handed me a box of ugly undies, you know, the really same disgusting-looking brief on a Japanese porn actor, the 5-for-$11.99 kind, the same type that gets a few holes and discoloured after washing, that also promises to turn your sex appetite off only by taking an indirect look at it.
Which is one of the reasons why I don't watch Japanese porns.
She asked if I would like to buy it for Alberto.
First of all, when you buy comfortable underwear (not the kinky G-string type), you get immediate promotion from a girlfriend to his own personal homemaker.
Second of all, which is the most important fact in this matter, I said, I would immediately dump any guy I date, if he wore this sort of underwear.
If I really had to buy him something, oh believe me, it won't be anything comfortable.
I believe, it's only normal, not wishing to get turned off after getting turned on, and it's kinda rude saying "my dear, I believe we're not working out and the reason is your horrible looking underwear."
As shallow as I am, whatever, I am a perfectionist and I like things to work my way.
Annie looked at me like I am a shallow man.
If someone is going to look at your underwear, why do you buy cheap and ugly looking underwear to torture that person?
I have my preference, what do you care?
Yes, I know if love is enough, one wouldn't have cared. But there is only so much one can take.
If, I mean if, her slot is half covered by a very ugly-looking piece of material which looked like she's wore it for over 10 years, you get sort of turned off and hope she has a better taste when it comes to choosing underwear.
Buying underwear, I believe, is wisdom.
You should always choose comfortable underwear, true, but let's not kid ourselves, why not spend a couple of extra bucks buying nicer looking undies?
I believe it's my OCD speaking, when I see the underwear behind the low cuts, especially if it looked really ugly and old and the colour is not very friendly with the low cuts.
If women are wearing low cuts with ugly looking briefs, they should at least try to hide what's on the inside, perhaps by folding it down.
I remember there was once when Annie and I were shopping somewhere in Singapore, there's somewhere doing a promotion for men's underwear.
She handed me a box of ugly undies, you know, the really same disgusting-looking brief on a Japanese porn actor, the 5-for-$11.99 kind, the same type that gets a few holes and discoloured after washing, that also promises to turn your sex appetite off only by taking an indirect look at it.
Which is one of the reasons why I don't watch Japanese porns.
She asked if I would like to buy it for Alberto.
First of all, when you buy comfortable underwear (not the kinky G-string type), you get immediate promotion from a girlfriend to his own personal homemaker.
Second of all, which is the most important fact in this matter, I said, I would immediately dump any guy I date, if he wore this sort of underwear.
If I really had to buy him something, oh believe me, it won't be anything comfortable.
I believe, it's only normal, not wishing to get turned off after getting turned on, and it's kinda rude saying "my dear, I believe we're not working out and the reason is your horrible looking underwear."
As shallow as I am, whatever, I am a perfectionist and I like things to work my way.
Annie looked at me like I am a shallow man.
If someone is going to look at your underwear, why do you buy cheap and ugly looking underwear to torture that person?
I have my preference, what do you care?
Yes, I know if love is enough, one wouldn't have cared. But there is only so much one can take.
Wednesday, 6 January 2010
The Circle Game
Some men are indescribable, or perhaps a little bit too classic.
Some men impress and never cease to amaze some women a lot since the first meeting. Shower some women with their passion, sing them the most romantic love song, and most of all, show them how the globe could spin in a different direction.
Some men entertain some women in the most possible humourous way, there was never a joke this funny and never a laugh this happy.
Some men then tell some women how much they were hurt in their past which make them the way they are. The world is so out of love as they were abandoned by their birth mother. They claim how big a difference it made in a child's life even though they never knew about it before they were grown and had a happy childhood.
Some men then go ahead and touch some women, knowing how wrong and how reluctant some women feel about it but still, without remorse, claiming it's life's will to push people's limit.
Some men read some women bedtime stories on how their exes betrayed them. How those beautiful roses in the world withered and how the world stopped spinning before some women. They tell some women how some women rescued them and how some women are their last hope in love while they break down in tears. They too refer to some women as the most unique flower among them all. As some women's heart melt while looking at the adorable some men, they hope to be the one amongst other women to rescue some men from their pain.
Some men too, mention how much some women managed to change their perspective on everything, how some women opened their eyes and how big of a difference some women's love brings to their colourless life. Some women nourish some men and think some men's dull days are finally over and some women will bring them sunlight ever since.
Some men tell some women, in love, there is no respect for privacy. Their constant need of personal space keeps screaming out loud every day inside their head, tearing them apart.
Some men get too eager to have some women while seeing some women giggling with other men. They tell some women how much they want to be the right one or how much they want to be the last laughter in some women's life but then they wonder where the idea ever came from.
Some women give some men their hand thinking they will never break it.
Some men wake up one day and realise they are just not that one person in some women's life and bring out the scariest demon inside some women, the one they wish they never had.
Some men just make some women fall in love with them in the lamest way, but some women just never get to see it till it's the end.
Some men still never realise why they cannot find the right woman after all these years, the endless trying and their soul's dying. All of a sudden it just hits some women while they gaze at some men's blank stare, the answer has been right in front of some women this whole time.
Some men try to bring tears in some women's life but they fail.
Some men then try to find what they want in their life, then they find themselves right at the beginning.
Round and round, like a circle game.
Some men, in the end, look into some women's eye and say how they will always be there for some women. At this very moment some women just hope some men understand the meaning of the end.
How the grey sky turns blue, some women remember the story.
Finally, one day and ever since, when some women look back in their life and they wonder why they ever came to love some men.
Or perhaps, was that ever love?
Some men impress and never cease to amaze some women a lot since the first meeting. Shower some women with their passion, sing them the most romantic love song, and most of all, show them how the globe could spin in a different direction.
Some men entertain some women in the most possible humourous way, there was never a joke this funny and never a laugh this happy.
Some men then tell some women how much they were hurt in their past which make them the way they are. The world is so out of love as they were abandoned by their birth mother. They claim how big a difference it made in a child's life even though they never knew about it before they were grown and had a happy childhood.
Some men then go ahead and touch some women, knowing how wrong and how reluctant some women feel about it but still, without remorse, claiming it's life's will to push people's limit.
Some men read some women bedtime stories on how their exes betrayed them. How those beautiful roses in the world withered and how the world stopped spinning before some women. They tell some women how some women rescued them and how some women are their last hope in love while they break down in tears. They too refer to some women as the most unique flower among them all. As some women's heart melt while looking at the adorable some men, they hope to be the one amongst other women to rescue some men from their pain.
Some men too, mention how much some women managed to change their perspective on everything, how some women opened their eyes and how big of a difference some women's love brings to their colourless life. Some women nourish some men and think some men's dull days are finally over and some women will bring them sunlight ever since.
Some men tell some women, in love, there is no respect for privacy. Their constant need of personal space keeps screaming out loud every day inside their head, tearing them apart.
Some men get too eager to have some women while seeing some women giggling with other men. They tell some women how much they want to be the right one or how much they want to be the last laughter in some women's life but then they wonder where the idea ever came from.
Some women give some men their hand thinking they will never break it.
Some men wake up one day and realise they are just not that one person in some women's life and bring out the scariest demon inside some women, the one they wish they never had.
Some men just make some women fall in love with them in the lamest way, but some women just never get to see it till it's the end.
Some men still never realise why they cannot find the right woman after all these years, the endless trying and their soul's dying. All of a sudden it just hits some women while they gaze at some men's blank stare, the answer has been right in front of some women this whole time.
Some men try to bring tears in some women's life but they fail.
Some men then try to find what they want in their life, then they find themselves right at the beginning.
Round and round, like a circle game.
Some men, in the end, look into some women's eye and say how they will always be there for some women. At this very moment some women just hope some men understand the meaning of the end.
How the grey sky turns blue, some women remember the story.
Finally, one day and ever since, when some women look back in their life and they wonder why they ever came to love some men.
Or perhaps, was that ever love?
Monday, 4 January 2010
The Moment of Silence
Here, in Malaysia, when one mentions he/she's been through a divorce, there will be an awkward moment of silence.
Silence when people indulge themselves in it, secretly feel sorry for that person and wonder how passionate love makes a difference and pushes people into getting married.
Till the divorcee declares him/herself that he/she is okay with it, trying and wanting to wipe away the stupid sympathy look on the others' face.
It's like, how people think, how their life is so over; how they never will be able to find another companion; how their future is forever wrong and how they're going to die alone.
Then they tell you how sorry they are for asking you that question because they "don't know".
Then they give you two gentle taps on your shoulder, telling you the world is still spinning.
Then they smile at you, telling you you'll find love real soon like you're so empty every day though you know you're dating the hottest guy in this world.
Then they tell you a lot of people at your age are divorced too.
How amusing.
Why is it, that when people hear one's divorced, they thought the couple got married because they were hot for each other and decided they have to "be married" to celebrate this love??
Especially if you're married to a Caucasian, ahh, no wonder you're divorced!
Or perhaps, if you're pregnant at a very young age, ahh, no wonder you're divorced, too.
... and when people find out about your new romance after the failed marriage, well, your loved one becomes the toyboy and you're doomed to fail forever.
Really?? Is that the best the world's brain or creativity can do?
We all have our rights to marry and divorce anyone, hot passionate love isn't always the reason why people get married.
Isn't the world a much better place if you tell someone you're divorced, that person opens up his/her eyes and says "Ah, me too! Oh, my ex-husband was such a jerk, I am sure yours too!"
I mean, what are the odds?
So, when you're in your moment of silence, feeling sorry, thinking if only they kept their head clear in the beginning they wouldn't be so empty and lonely now, letting your ignorance take over, remember this.
Perhaps a divorce is the best thing a marriage brings.
Silence when people indulge themselves in it, secretly feel sorry for that person and wonder how passionate love makes a difference and pushes people into getting married.
Till the divorcee declares him/herself that he/she is okay with it, trying and wanting to wipe away the stupid sympathy look on the others' face.
It's like, how people think, how their life is so over; how they never will be able to find another companion; how their future is forever wrong and how they're going to die alone.
Then they tell you how sorry they are for asking you that question because they "don't know".
Then they give you two gentle taps on your shoulder, telling you the world is still spinning.
Then they smile at you, telling you you'll find love real soon like you're so empty every day though you know you're dating the hottest guy in this world.
Then they tell you a lot of people at your age are divorced too.
How amusing.
Why is it, that when people hear one's divorced, they thought the couple got married because they were hot for each other and decided they have to "be married" to celebrate this love??
Especially if you're married to a Caucasian, ahh, no wonder you're divorced!
Or perhaps, if you're pregnant at a very young age, ahh, no wonder you're divorced, too.
... and when people find out about your new romance after the failed marriage, well, your loved one becomes the toyboy and you're doomed to fail forever.
Really?? Is that the best the world's brain or creativity can do?
We all have our rights to marry and divorce anyone, hot passionate love isn't always the reason why people get married.
Isn't the world a much better place if you tell someone you're divorced, that person opens up his/her eyes and says "Ah, me too! Oh, my ex-husband was such a jerk, I am sure yours too!"
I mean, what are the odds?
So, when you're in your moment of silence, feeling sorry, thinking if only they kept their head clear in the beginning they wouldn't be so empty and lonely now, letting your ignorance take over, remember this.
Perhaps a divorce is the best thing a marriage brings.
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