The Showdown Between God and Men

Don't get me wrong, I do love Jesus, as much as I love dogs.

In the same "eww-don't-talk-nor-touch-me-you're-so-full-of-germs-and-contagious" kind of way.

They all belong in the category which has a big shiny and dashy label in front written "I don't care".

But lately, I've sadly discovered that dogs are starting to hold a place in my heart, all thanks to the influence of Alberto. Therefore, I can no longer compared dogs to Jesus.

Yes, I am the typical type of person who doesn't care about anything except myself, my computer, my belongings and those people I love around me. Jesus and religion just happened to be in the same category, you truly cannot blame me for it or to hold it against me.

But he did, once again, caught my attention since my sister abandoned Buddha.

Once upon a time, I did believe in Jesus because of a shocking discovery, which I don't mind telling you because it only takes a second.

I shockingly discovered, gasp, that usually, when I prayed to Jesus, my wishes were more likely to come true!!

I guess Jesus works in mysterious ways. I know mockery is my nature and I basically make fun of everything including Phil Collins, but I really do mean it when I say this and I also do mean it when I said I love Jesus' naturally curly hair.

I remembered, my only wish when I was little was for my mum to allow me to have long hair. But everytime when I prayed to Buddha, guess what, the next day my mum took me for a lame haircut.

So one day, I thought, hey, why don't I pray to Jesus for a change, and it just happened, that same night, or the night after, or the night after the night after, my mum said to me, "My darling daughter, I thought about it and you can have your long hair."

My mouth was ostrich-egg fitable, I started to look at Jesus with a whole new perspective.

Ok, I am no Christian therefore I guess my wish took awhile to come true, but I believed it's normal.

So not wanting to burden Jesus, I somehow prayed to Buddha as well if I didn't mind those wishes not coming true and seeked Jesus only when I was desperate. The more I prayed the more I found out, my wishes were more likely to double their chance to come true with Jesus, what were the odds!!

I also did pray to a certain god to test its reliance, I have to be discreet and keep its identity a secret but I guess since I am not a big fan of virgins, that god decided to neglect and ignore me. Smart move, just like Buddha.

I remember when I was 18, I suddenly have the urge to become a Christian. I don't know why, it just somehow striked me, the world could be a better place with love... Yes, plus the fact that Jesus granted a lot of my wishes, imagine what would happen if I become his follower!

The idea danced in my head for less than 2 weeks, then I decided I don't really care about anything therefore I can't be bothered.

Unlike my beloved-a-little-only sister... If only she's smart enough like me to know what to and what not to follow. Sigh, I can no longer bitch about Jesus in front of her, how sad, but of course, it's not like I am really gonna stop bitching if somehow she tried to "love" me in her very own unique Christian way.

I have a lot of friends who are Christians and I truly respect their faith and I never make fun of their god or whatever (only behind them), as long as they don't try to shove Jesus down my throat.

The thing with religious people, which also applies to people who believe in Buddha (or other god), when they love their god to a certain amount, they predictably decided to promote it and let the whole world know how amazing god's love is.

Do you use Facebook? Then I guess you feel the same when you see one girl leaving a love note on her boyfriend's wall and the two decided to mwah or wall-fuck each other openly in front of the monitor, it's the same theory. When you love someone to a certain amount, you want the world to know. But when you love someone to the bigger and greater amount, you want the world to share the love with you.

So, when my sister met boy A and romance kinda bloomed, boy A decided to tell her his one and only love is god and it's a very pleasant and happy thing to have god in your life.

My sister listened while god teamed up with Jesus to work their magic on her head. One day she woke up and decided to embrace the duo.

She thought, oh, I have to let the world know how amazing Jesus is and they all should love him the same as I do. Her world is so much brighter and meaningful because for once in her life, she is actually happy.

This is why she decided to run into the open arms of Jesus, Mr Buddha never made her smile like this.

So, she started joining a lot of Jesus related groups and also a group who does nothing except to read bibles during their free time.

Then, she also decided to let Jesus or god make their special appearance at least twice in every of her blog post.

... and how she wishes those bad people will be forgiven by god and how she hopes god will still love them.

... and seriously, how only god can wash away all her sins.

There is so much love, her blog suddenly becomes more noble than everyone else's.

I can tell how obsessed she is because she uses the Mandarin personal pronounce which you only use for god.

Like I said, something always happens when people decided to embrace something new, especially religion, nothing can be this predictably predictable.

You see, if one person liked "Jesus", "god", "lord" or quoted something in the bible or listed "bible" as their favourite book on their info tab on facebook, that person is truly Christian. In that case, you better make sure you don't pique their needs or urges to tell you to love and embrace god.

Wait a min, "Bible" as the favourite book??? Really?? I mean, this is like listing "5th Grade English Textbook" as my favourite book, ever!

I have nothing against Jesus and this is so not personal so don't get me wrong. I have a friend who decided to abandon Jesus and embrace Buddha, I made fun of Buddha the same way though I consider myself a Buddhist in a humble way, I just couldn't bear the thought of Buddha being in my throat while she forced me to swallow all the religious shit.

This is also why I am so sick of religious people, they not only forced you to swallow something they love, they have to "love" you when you swallow their "love" because "love" is the answer to everything.

There is so much love, so much love it makes me sick!

I mean, I love my computer more than anything else in this world too but how would you like it if I asked you to swallow it because my computer is meant to be loved by everyone in this world??

I am so bad today because my parents wanted so bad for me to be good. I make fun of religion so much today because practically, religious people feel the need to push people, people like me into loving god.

I know, why can't I just understand how meaningful religions are. Of course I cannot understand because I've got better things to do.

Do you remember those people who died in 9/11? They all died in the name of religion. I could give you more examples like Anne Frank but people, stop telling me religion only brings good things to the world.

Oh sorry, should've warned you in the beginning that this was truly offensive. But hey, you knew I wouldn't write anything good about god anyway.

The End

Sometimes, the greatest stories are the stories without an ending.

You know it, I know it, but apparently some Hollywood directors or movie producers don't know it.

So I guess when it comes to Hollywood movies, you could say "sometimes, the greatest stories are the stories without two endings."

Ever seen a good movie and months later you found out there's gonna be another one?

Now we all know Jurassic Park is a big success, apparently, Steven Spielberg knew it better, therefore he had to take the plot, twisted it a little, gave Jeff Goldblum a call and recycled the whole movie.

It's entertaining, but he completely ruined the former one, giving such an unnecessary ending.

... and it cost parents money for taking their kids to the cinema to watch such lame crap.

Just when we thought all this crap with the ending where Mr dinosaur taking a walk down San Diego doing its portable zoo thingy couldn't get any worse, some idiot had to come, recycled the plot again and made another movie named Jurassic Park III, telling us that dinosaurs, could actually, gasp, communicate with each others.

I know, ancient years whatever, they must have a way to communicate but who the fuck cares to watch the dinosaurs groans/boasts etc whenever they like? They look like some shitty stupid big fat McD addicts anyway!

Also, here's another example. Sex and the City used to be my favourite tv show when I was in college.

Oh you know I love listening to women brag about how horrible some men are in bed, how disgusting or small a man's penis is blah blah.

So after the series ended for awhile, which was actually pretty enough after 6 seasons of dragging, spinning around really old guys and the most charming character got cancer, along came another idiot, hoping the ending which Carrie and Big got married, twice would make the world a better place.

I don't remember why I went to this movie, the best part of it was looking at the penis of that hot Italian guy in a Singapore cinema.

Now that's worth paying Singapore dollars for, well really Albert paid for it.

I remember Ocean's Twelve was bad enough they had to ask Tess Ocean to pretend to be Julia Roberts, now that was completely stunning.

Spiderman I was pretty entertaining, Spiderman II make you a little speechless, but Spideman III truly made me felt like my sister slaps me on the face while someone throws empty ketchup bottles and fancy hair clips at me.

Remember Mission Impossible I, II & III? And oh, there's gonna be a IV very soon according to IMDb. Let's have fun watching the latest DILF named Tom Cruise, jumps to another girlfriend, shall we?

... and then there were Speed, Legally Blond, The Butterfly Effect, American Pie, Dr Dolittle, Scary Movie, The Mask, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Grease, Batman etc. I could go on for days but I don't want to be like one of those idiot directors.

Yet, day goes by and I'm still praying for Britney Spear's Crossroad II: Leave Her Alone to be released.

The more I write, the more I wonder if those directors or movie producers actually have brains.

Sometimes, the greatest stories are the stories without an ending and the biggest success is knowing when to walk away at the right time.

Oh yes, before I forget, did you watch "Sex and the City 2"?

Yeah, I so gotta put an end to this entry.

The Happy Earth vs The Happy Owners

There is absolutely no doubt hawkers in Singapore are indulging themselves charging people an extra 20 cents for takeaways.

... and I am never tired of filing numerous complaints against them, if they're being an arse.

If you enjoying eating out but eating out at home you will know exactly what I am talking about. Apparently, the hawkers in Singapore like charging people an extra 20 cents for takeaways for no apparent reasons.

According to Alberto, which I think is the only logical explanation, they charged you 20 cents for a lame plastic container. Perhaps, also according to Alberto, they want to reduce the amount of containers used to protect Mr Earth.

So no more plastic bags nor polystyrene.

Hmm, very environmental and wallet friendly!

I like eating takeaways but I do not like eating in public. First of all, the cutleries will be cleaner if I washed them; second, I seriously doubt if they washed and scrubbed the tray properly and third and the most important fact, I just like eating takeouts at home.

So after being charged a few times for the plastic containers, my container siblings are all happily piled up in Alberto's kitchen.

It's very easy to reduce the use of plastic containers to protect the earth. Either you spend a big amount of money buying Tupperware or Zebra products and use them for the rest of your life, or you use and reuse the crap plastic containers for a few times then recycle them.

So, let's take the latter option, why don't we reuse the pile first eh?

I did exactly what my mother, any other aunties in Asia or any international environmentalists would do, bring your own container for takeouts.

It was never a problem until one day, that afternoon at 3:20pm sharp, I tried to do the same thing at the noodle stall, a.k.a. "Quan Dan Mian" in Rivervale Mall.

The aunty told me, they give their own containers so I didn't have to use mine. Looking at my expression, she had to say something to support her former point, so she claimed the office forbids them to allow customers to use their own containers.

What the fuck, aunty?! How can the office disallow such a thing?? This is total bullshit, I bought from the opposite stall with the same method yesterday night.

She also did not look so firm when she was talking, it looked like she didn't even believe what she said, so clearly, it's not true.

She then again, nicely and auntily explained, this cheap container I was using is not good for multiple usage, what a fucking lame excuse.

It's my body and it's none of her concern if I got cancer eating from the same containers.

I told her I had many containers like this at home and I didn't wish to add more to my collection, so if she would kindly let me use it, blah blah, I would totally appreciate it. I was literally "begging" her.

She once again, told me the office won't allow that so I guessed that's the end.

Planning my evil complaining plot while buying food from another stall at the same time, I wondered why containers are a big problem only to that specific stall.

The solution is easy, perhaps I should just eat out and go home, true, but perhaps they should just stop charging people.

You see, dining-in comes with soup or some side dishes, takeaways don't, so basically, they sort of balance out without an extra charge.

I am quite an environmentalist, but I prefer doing what I like, what is convenient to me and be aware at how my kitchen looks at the same time.

If Singapore wants to make the earth a greener place, they should start putting recycle bins in every apartments or living areas. Hell I was forced to throw away a lot of stuffs because there's no recycle bins nearby.

Charging an extra 20 cents doesn't make the earth happy, it just makes the stall owners smile.