The Academy Award Goes To...

... and the award goes to *drum rolls* MADAM KAYPOH AUNTY!

You know, that very same kaypoh aunty in blue T-shirt who reported someone purposely left an article with a bomb inside in the train in that video which you are forced to watch in every square-inch of Singapore?

Singapore gives out some self-invented world-class wannabe Oscar named "Star Awards" to the best whatever blah blah, but I really don't get why this almost the most famous short film in Singapore nor these actors and actresses are not awarded.

It's kinda torturing to travel with MRT in Singapore especially the purple line aka North East Line as there's a tv screen almost everywhere you turn and they loaded it with 4 videos looping so basically, you are forced to watch them in every angle.

So read my lips, you turn to angle A, oh, there's the kaypoh aunty; you try to face hot guy B, oh there's again the kaypoh aunty; you try to look at the nice cleavage C or butt crack D in front of you, hey there's the kaypoh aunty again!

This is just like taking somebody's ipod, loaded it with songs of Paris Hilton's "Stars are Blind", Britney's "Not a Girl Not Yet a Woman" or whoever crap singer's tunes and force you to listen to them over and over again, how would they like it!

Ok, perhaps you really need to watch this video before you get what I mean. Sorry but I am afraid this is the best version I could find on the internet.

Amazing, Singapore is so afraid of the terrorists but they only loaded their trains with this video. I cannot, cannot oh cannot find a proper version on youtube or any other sites at all! Besides, it has been on screen like, forever?

Allow me to synopsis you a little with the drama-turn-thriller plot with a surprising twist. Once upon a time there's this busybody aka nosey (aka kaypoh in local language) drama queen aunty who had nothing better to do except imagining dramas happening around her all the time.

One day, she put on her favourite blue t-shirt and went to a nearby salon to get a maid-in-the-40's hairstyle before she tried to take the MRT from somewhere to somewhere. Out of nowhere, she saw this kinda cute but Ah Beng looking guy holding a big bag. *gasp* Immediately, she's alerted and suspected the Ah Beng might be a wannabe-terrorist.

So, this Ah Beng tried to slip his bag under the seat and checked out the MRT map, she continued to "observe him discreetly" as it seemed like he's looking for somewhere particular to get off.

Then when that Ah Beng wanted to leave his seat forgetting his bag, this also quite kaypoh uncle put down his papers and reminded him of his bag.

Let me interlude a little, we all know that men have problems doing two things but not two girls at once but this uncle had the ability to read papers while he secretly observed the Ah Beng.

Wow, speechless, most guys I know cannot have a conversation when they read the papers.

Ok, back to the plot. Mr Ah Beng refused to claim that bag as his and quickly walked away, it is probably the first and the smartest thing you should do if you by any chance, get to meet any dramatic and quite kaypoh people in the train.

Suspecting it is a bomb, the kaypoh-and-yes-I-have-no-problem-doing-two-things-at-once uncle moved swiftly towards the bag and that's when this hilarious line slipped in, "oh no, we're in trouble!!". Just when he's about to open it, the kaypoh aunty stopped him by giving him a gentle touch on his shoulder and they reported it over the intercom. That kaypoh aunty calmly gave out the WHOLE description of the guy like she had a voyeur fetish, ie. his dark blue jeans and light grey-checked shirt! Oh god...

I always hold a big bag when I travel from Malaysia to Singapore, duh!

Oh yeah, if a rather similar aunty checking me out like that I would consider asking her what the fuck she's looking at, but that would make me even more suspicious to these idiots won't it?

As it is thought by the public, a terrorist=a man, not very good-looking, rude, badly dressed with slight wardrobe malfunction, swears every 2 seconds, smokes, wears a non-Nike cap, wears cheap-looking shades and probably someone who looked like he's extremely happy to meet those 72 virgins up there.

They made more clips like this to "raise awareness" among people and this is only one of the very unrealistic clips. I will try to make fun of more in the future, but I promise nothing.

Seriously, how dramatic can those Singapore kaypoh people be?? One guy holding a big bag without doing anything wrong and the next, he's being suspected as a terrorist and the bag? *gasp* there might be a bomb inside!!

Okay, I really wonder how the tourists feel about the clips. I myself, as a tourist, find it amusing and Singapore too overly cautious with this little possibility. They defended themselves by claiming it is good to be prepared if something like that happened and to raise public-awareness, but it totally doesn't look like that to me.

My friend told me Singapore was once targeted by the terrorists, it's probably why they panic every 2 seconds and have all the dustbins in the stations taken away.

That Ah Beng is apparently an idiot, a newbie, an amateur or really unprofessional, they actually think that bombers in real life would be stupid enough to let people notice their intention??!

They claimed their staffs are trained to deal with such matters, so are the bombers!

... and these stupid people think that in this tech-savvy world, bombs are only available in large or extra large sizes, uh huh.

Do they know that stuffs like mobile phones or even smaller things can work as a bomb as well? These people do not just have a beginner's knowledge with naughty sites as it is said in my earlier post, but looks like they have beginner's knowledge on firepower as well!

Also, Singapore needs to know that not necessarily somebody who looked just like somebody who would bomb the train, would bomb the train!

That's the deal with Singapore, they think they're the only smart ones.

How funny Singapore thinks that by making such unrealistic and stupid kindergarten-style videos they can raise public self-awareness??

In order to raise self-awareness, this is perhaps, what you should watch on tv:
One kaypoh aunty saw a really tall, beautiful and sexy woman with big boobs and nice ass, she dropped her handbag by accident and she tried to find it, but when she arrived to her station, she had to leave the station, the kaypoh aunty found her bag and gave it to her. The sexy woman, looked rather disappointing, left the train while this message is carried out:
"Be vigilant, a sexy woman can be a terrorist!"

Or maybe this?

One tall dark and handsome sexy guy left his handphone somewhere in the train, he tried his best but no luck searching for it. Some really greedy aunty hid it secretly in her purse and after he left, the handphone exploded while this message is carried out:
"Be vigilant and not greedy, a candy bar can work as a bomb let alone a handphone!"

These might win the most amusing videos of all time, but I honestly can't see anything more hilarious than the videos made.

So the awards go to:
Best Actor: The kaypoh-and-yes-I-have-no-problem-doing-two-things-at-once uncle
Best Actress: The kaypoh aunty in blue shirt
Best Supporting Actor: The Ah Beng-looking bomber
Best Supporting Actress: The granny aka lao-ah-mah sitting beside the kaypoh aunty
Best Original Screenplay: The MRT Be Vigilant Video
Best Editing: The MRT Be Vigilant Video
Best Costume Design: The Victorian Version of The MRT Be Vigilant Video
Best Short Film: The MRT Be Vigilant Video

Yet I am surprised Singapore hasn't panicked about somebody poisoning their water! Perhaps a few years later, you see a video asking people to be alerted with possible water poison.

Let's be vigilant, nosey and not greedy, shall we? NOBODY cares!