The Academy Award Goes To...

... and the award goes to *drum rolls* MADAM KAYPOH AUNTY!

You know, that very same kaypoh aunty in blue T-shirt who reported someone purposely left an article with a bomb inside in the train in that video which you are forced to watch in every square-inch of Singapore?

Singapore gives out some self-invented world-class wannabe Oscar named "Star Awards" to the best whatever blah blah, but I really don't get why this almost the most famous short film in Singapore nor these actors and actresses are not awarded.

It's kinda torturing to travel with MRT in Singapore especially the purple line aka North East Line as there's a tv screen almost everywhere you turn and they loaded it with 4 videos looping so basically, you are forced to watch them in every angle.

So read my lips, you turn to angle A, oh, there's the kaypoh aunty; you try to face hot guy B, oh there's again the kaypoh aunty; you try to look at the nice cleavage C or butt crack D in front of you, hey there's the kaypoh aunty again!

This is just like taking somebody's ipod, loaded it with songs of Paris Hilton's "Stars are Blind", Britney's "Not a Girl Not Yet a Woman" or whoever crap singer's tunes and force you to listen to them over and over again, how would they like it!

Ok, perhaps you really need to watch this video before you get what I mean. Sorry but I am afraid this is the best version I could find on the internet.

Amazing, Singapore is so afraid of the terrorists but they only loaded their trains with this video. I cannot, cannot oh cannot find a proper version on youtube or any other sites at all! Besides, it has been on screen like, forever?

Allow me to synopsis you a little with the drama-turn-thriller plot with a surprising twist. Once upon a time there's this busybody aka nosey (aka kaypoh in local language) drama queen aunty who had nothing better to do except imagining dramas happening around her all the time.

One day, she put on her favourite blue t-shirt and went to a nearby salon to get a maid-in-the-40's hairstyle before she tried to take the MRT from somewhere to somewhere. Out of nowhere, she saw this kinda cute but Ah Beng looking guy holding a big bag. *gasp* Immediately, she's alerted and suspected the Ah Beng might be a wannabe-terrorist.

So, this Ah Beng tried to slip his bag under the seat and checked out the MRT map, she continued to "observe him discreetly" as it seemed like he's looking for somewhere particular to get off.

Then when that Ah Beng wanted to leave his seat forgetting his bag, this also quite kaypoh uncle put down his papers and reminded him of his bag.

Let me interlude a little, we all know that men have problems doing two things but not two girls at once but this uncle had the ability to read papers while he secretly observed the Ah Beng.

Wow, speechless, most guys I know cannot have a conversation when they read the papers.

Ok, back to the plot. Mr Ah Beng refused to claim that bag as his and quickly walked away, it is probably the first and the smartest thing you should do if you by any chance, get to meet any dramatic and quite kaypoh people in the train.

Suspecting it is a bomb, the kaypoh-and-yes-I-have-no-problem-doing-two-things-at-once uncle moved swiftly towards the bag and that's when this hilarious line slipped in, "oh no, we're in trouble!!". Just when he's about to open it, the kaypoh aunty stopped him by giving him a gentle touch on his shoulder and they reported it over the intercom. That kaypoh aunty calmly gave out the WHOLE description of the guy like she had a voyeur fetish, ie. his dark blue jeans and light grey-checked shirt! Oh god...

I always hold a big bag when I travel from Malaysia to Singapore, duh!

Oh yeah, if a rather similar aunty checking me out like that I would consider asking her what the fuck she's looking at, but that would make me even more suspicious to these idiots won't it?

As it is thought by the public, a terrorist=a man, not very good-looking, rude, badly dressed with slight wardrobe malfunction, swears every 2 seconds, smokes, wears a non-Nike cap, wears cheap-looking shades and probably someone who looked like he's extremely happy to meet those 72 virgins up there.

They made more clips like this to "raise awareness" among people and this is only one of the very unrealistic clips. I will try to make fun of more in the future, but I promise nothing.

Seriously, how dramatic can those Singapore kaypoh people be?? One guy holding a big bag without doing anything wrong and the next, he's being suspected as a terrorist and the bag? *gasp* there might be a bomb inside!!

Okay, I really wonder how the tourists feel about the clips. I myself, as a tourist, find it amusing and Singapore too overly cautious with this little possibility. They defended themselves by claiming it is good to be prepared if something like that happened and to raise public-awareness, but it totally doesn't look like that to me.

My friend told me Singapore was once targeted by the terrorists, it's probably why they panic every 2 seconds and have all the dustbins in the stations taken away.

That Ah Beng is apparently an idiot, a newbie, an amateur or really unprofessional, they actually think that bombers in real life would be stupid enough to let people notice their intention??!

They claimed their staffs are trained to deal with such matters, so are the bombers!

... and these stupid people think that in this tech-savvy world, bombs are only available in large or extra large sizes, uh huh.

Do they know that stuffs like mobile phones or even smaller things can work as a bomb as well? These people do not just have a beginner's knowledge with naughty sites as it is said in my earlier post, but looks like they have beginner's knowledge on firepower as well!

Also, Singapore needs to know that not necessarily somebody who looked just like somebody who would bomb the train, would bomb the train!

That's the deal with Singapore, they think they're the only smart ones.

How funny Singapore thinks that by making such unrealistic and stupid kindergarten-style videos they can raise public self-awareness??

In order to raise self-awareness, this is perhaps, what you should watch on tv:
One kaypoh aunty saw a really tall, beautiful and sexy woman with big boobs and nice ass, she dropped her handbag by accident and she tried to find it, but when she arrived to her station, she had to leave the station, the kaypoh aunty found her bag and gave it to her. The sexy woman, looked rather disappointing, left the train while this message is carried out:
"Be vigilant, a sexy woman can be a terrorist!"

Or maybe this?

One tall dark and handsome sexy guy left his handphone somewhere in the train, he tried his best but no luck searching for it. Some really greedy aunty hid it secretly in her purse and after he left, the handphone exploded while this message is carried out:
"Be vigilant and not greedy, a candy bar can work as a bomb let alone a handphone!"

These might win the most amusing videos of all time, but I honestly can't see anything more hilarious than the videos made.

So the awards go to:
Best Actor: The kaypoh-and-yes-I-have-no-problem-doing-two-things-at-once uncle
Best Actress: The kaypoh aunty in blue shirt
Best Supporting Actor: The Ah Beng-looking bomber
Best Supporting Actress: The granny aka lao-ah-mah sitting beside the kaypoh aunty
Best Original Screenplay: The MRT Be Vigilant Video
Best Editing: The MRT Be Vigilant Video
Best Costume Design: The Victorian Version of The MRT Be Vigilant Video
Best Short Film: The MRT Be Vigilant Video

Yet I am surprised Singapore hasn't panicked about somebody poisoning their water! Perhaps a few years later, you see a video asking people to be alerted with possible water poison.

Let's be vigilant, nosey and not greedy, shall we? NOBODY cares!

The Many Faces of the Stupid Facebook Applications

How many stupid applications have Facebook invented lately?

... or let's narrow it down to the quizzes, shall we?

Ever since Facebook changes its layout it's flooded with nothing but stupid applications especially the stupid quizzes, you never really noticed them before because they were not published on your main wall on the old layout.

Let's take a look at the stupid quizzes that I heard of before, the titles, are merely original:
1. What are you born to do.
2. How gay are you?
3. When will you DIE
4. When Will You Die ?!! ... >
5. What kinda girlfriend are you.
6. wat Taylor Swift song r yu?
7. Which transformer are you.
8. What food are you.
9. What alcoholic drink are you.
10. What Energy Drink Are You.
11. How dirty is your mind.
12. How well do you know *this idiot*.
13. How well do you know erotic movies.
14. When will you get married?
15. How many times will you get married?
... countless, also there are like 1000 quizzes of the same title.

It's like the Fb quizzes and people playing the quiz have the fetish of role-playing, one second they want to know what Taylor Swift's song suits them the most in the bedroom, then, here comes the food and energy/alcoholic drink you play that your boyfriend/girlfriend might like to watch.

Those quizzes, though were specially designed and written to give you an insight on your "deepest ocean", were like, written by bunches of idiots, idiots from or not from English-speaking countries who cannot even type proper English with proper punctuations! I tried to sit myself down and clicked some answers out of curiosity of how dumb those idiots can actually be, but their crap English and bad grammars are giving me a headache.

After spending like an hour reading and understanding the sentences with bad English that make no sense, you could choose whether to spam 3 of your friends or not, then you gotta wait for another 30 minutes until you no longer see the error loading result message to get your very stupid and no-sense making dumb analysis.

Like this quiz titled "How good are you in bed", are you kidding me? This quiz has to like, fuck me to know the result!

I did the girlfriend-analyse quiz, I remember myself selected a few sex-related answers and boom, suddenly, I transformed from "an innocent angel with a touch of naughtiness" into a sex demanding machine who wants nothing more but sex in a relationship!

Before I pull a real full stop to this entry, I would like to take this chance to announce some of the up-coming quizzes on Fb, be the first to take them!
1. Which Jesus Christ are you?
2. Which animal are you most likely to have sex with when you're drunk?
3. Which Hefner's dumb bunny are you?
4. Which US president are you, George W. Bush, George W. Bush or George W. Bush?
5. Which Michael Jackson's personality are you?
6. Which Iran soldier are you?
7. What colour of a shoelace are you?
8. Which post office are you?
9. What size of a mosquito are you?
10. Which Paris Hilton's (former or recent) boyfriend are you?

Congratulations, you purple-coloured shoelace, you scored an overall of 70%, which means you are most likely to have sex with a HIPPOPOTAMUS when you're drunk!

You are also the very noble Iran soldier named Seyid Mooshihoosh Tottiojham Orghad-Gorgollah and you're the Edgware Road Post Office in London.

--Oops, error loading results--

By the way, don't be too upset to find out you die on the same day with your girlfriend in 2021 by choking, you know you can always prevent it now that you know.

The Formula of Watching The One Formula

I don't get what the fuss is all about with F1.

I was here in a bar in Singapore, watching my kinda first but not really first F1 with Alberto. You see nothing but cars, hear nothing but noise. The only reason of my presence was because of the long awaited Roland Garros final between Federer and Soderling.

I stared directly at the screen for 5 minutes and yet, I don't really get what's so interesting about it.

Why the hell are people so into F1??! That's what I asked Alberto. He asked me back why I am so into tennis.

Duh, tennis and F1 are very different, for instance, you actually see people hitting the ball but who do you see in a circuit? Lot of oh-whose-car-is-it-again and those racing drivers look very much like power rangers to me!

I feel like an idiot watching F1, you don't know who's in the car, you don't know what happen and also, you're telling me you are able to hear the commentary with those noise?

Basically, you're also watching the cars through smoke, like a Hollywood-blockbuster-Steven-Seagal movie!

Who has the patience watching those weird-looking cars driving by one by one for 90 minutes??!

Like I said, all you see are cars overtaking one another and cars refueling somewhere. I mean, those people who like F1 so much, why don't they just go to a highway or a petrol station??

... and yet, people were so happy and proud spending a fortune going to watch the F1 race LIVE, ooh, even more exciting isn't it?

I wonder what kinda "whole new experience" it is watching power rangers drive.

The "Touch-My-Ass-With-Moral" Act

You know, for being a small country, Singapore has the ability of making people go "duh" twice every 10 seconds.

I am not only talking about the over-caustioness of this do-not-bomb-my-MRT thing, but several websites they blocked thanks to the word "moral".

Oh yeah, Singapore blocked several websites that are believed to be lack of moral to the naked eye.

You gotta be someone with moral, or at least try to be, if you want to be in Singapore.

They do not want their people to turn out to be perverted like others around the world you see. Here's how I found out.

Yesterday night when I was "trying" to surf the site pornotube.com, this thingy appeared out of nowhere.

"The site you requested is not accessible.

For more information please check Media Development Authority."

For someone who's fairly innocent like me, I have no shitty idea of what this is about, I refreshed the page a few times but still no luck. So I gave the dude outside a shout: "Alberto, come take a look at this and tell me what it is."

He told me, Singapore network blocked this site.

How smart.

He also told me Singapore network also blocked playboy.com.

How fucking smarter!

I really cannot believe this. They blocked sites that's nothing compared to other even worse sites?? I mean, didn't they like survey first and get a list of all the not-so-moral-friendly sites first before they do all the blocking???

Look at Playboy. It's a complete WTF situation. I mean, there's nothing more than a few bimboly dumb college girls telling others their favourite food happened to be birds while they hold open their genitias, nor Hefner posing with his dumb-shit "bunnies" telling the whole world how to work till your last drop with viagra.

Even though men claimed that Playboy is a magazine with class so they can read it with dignity, naked girls are nothing compared to even worse magazines. Magazines like Hustler or Private.

You know Private magazine? Lots of girls hold up one penis really closed to their mouths while this man... Oh, how lack of Moral!

... and Hustler? Well, I am not going to ramble on.

Yet they don't block sites like that. And there are even more porn streaming sites that's just like pornotube! Those dudes working for Singapore network really need to have advance knowledge of naughty sites on the world wide web. No wonder, they're with moral so they only know a few naughty sites with a little bit of moral disruption.

If they care about Moral this much, why don't they start with giving seats to those in need?

How smart, I am completely speechless. Conclusion, be smart enough to use a proxy!