The "He-Likes-to-Eat-Burger" Affair

I'm so bloody angry.

Tell me, is this sentence correct? "He likes to eat burger".

Or not, that'd be my answer.

How can that be right?!

Why??

Simple, an article is needed before singular countable objects.

It's either "he likes to eat a* burger" or "he likes to eat burgers*".

The first one sounds stupid but it's acceptable.

So my boss just came to me and provided me the answer for an exam question "He likes to eat burger", she told me that it is correct.

I was not convinced, of course, if not I wouldn't have confirmed with my ex, who happened to be a British guy, who happened to be extremely good in English, who happened to have a diploma in English Literature of a British University, who almost happened to be a lecturer of the British Council in Malaysia.

How can I mark wrong answers as correct? Especially when I know they're wrong, that is against my belief and principle!

I then reconfirmed with her, told her it's wrong.

She then phoned up a lot of "senior teachers" in Malaysia and also phoned up the "Star Paper" to get an answer.

Then she asked me to accept that answer because all them said it's correct.

I SO FUCKING CANNOT BELIEVE IT!!

Also she gave me a look, like saying "stay where you are, listen to the senior teachers, you are young and fresh, we're experienced and our English is better!"

Number one, I heard many seniors teachers speaking English wrongly here, the pronunciation or grammar, or both.

Number two, Star Paper is the most popular English newspaper in Malaysia, yes; but it is also the paper that makes the most grammar mistakes.

Number three, my ex has been speaking English all his life, not other languages, but English. He should bloody know English, he is English, not to mention he has a diploma in English Literature.

Number four, it's such a fucking simple grammatical rule, an article must be placed before a singular countable noun!

I know that, everyone knows that, but not my boss, nor the people she asked.

I then had no choice but to ask an Internet friend who happened to be a lecturer of English for a University in Japan, he told me it's wrong as it's a singular countable noun.

Again, somebody smart speaks justice for me!

Seriously, are those people she asked fucking stupid or what?!

It doesn't take somebody with a diploma or master in English or a rocket scientist to know an article is needed before all singular countable objects.

For example, you can't say "He enjoys reading book", "I like singing song", "I am watching movie", "She went to see doctor", so bloody easy, so bloody wrong! Such simple rule!

I have more doubts now, are we English teachers that useless?

Am I too young to correct mistakes made by senior teachers?

Am I too lack of experience to point out what is wrong and fight for what is right?

Are they so arrogant to accept the mistake pointed out by a young teacher who might happen to know English better than they do?

I respect them, I respect their point, but it doesn't mean I will say something I know is wrong, is right.

We cannot say whose English is better, I know things they don't know, they know things I don't know.

But that?!

I am not saying my English is oh-so-damn-perfect but I know it's so bloody wrong.

It's like saying "He sing a song", "I is a girl", "They catches fish" are correct!!

If she told me once again it is acceptable, I really don't know whether to mark correct or wrong.

If I mark as correct, I am doing something against my belief and principle.

If I mark as wrong, I am doing something that is unfair to my children.

Then today before I went home, my boss asked me to stay for a little while for a quick discussion.

Fine, I am all prepared for an argument.

I hold on strongly to my point, it is NOT CORRECT!

I was relieved and happy to know at last, another senior teacher confirmed my point.

They did not accept it because I said so, but because another teacher who is good at English said so.

Unbelievable once again, not because of the grammatical rule, but another teacher said so.

Who the hell cares? I got what I want at last.

If I did not say anything, nobody would.

All of us would mark that question wrongly, we'll bring more shame to ourselves.

Here's to victory!

The Rumour of a Divorcée

So it was rumoured in school that I am getting a divorce.

Rumoured??

One morning, my little lover, Yong, who is a year older but two times prettier, sat beside me suddenly, while I was having my coffee and reading the entertaining political news in Malaysia.

I was really surprised to see her as she teaches in the afternoon session and there is no way to see her before 11 am.

Apparently, she came here to pass up the applications for University which I am still totally hesitant for.

I don't know whether I should apply for it or not.

It's a four-year course, I will only go to Uni to study during my holidays, my precious holidays.

She told me, I should apply as I am really young right now and it's the best time to study.

I told her, now that I am single finally, I wanna take this chance to travel more.

I did not tell her the real reason, if I must spend all my holidays studying, I will lose a lot of precious time with Alberto.

She acted shock, she was shock about me being single.

She said, there were rumours but no confirmation.

LOL.. How funny, suddenly I feel like Lindsay Lohan.

I asked her why didn't she came to confirm with me as we are pretty close friends, she said she is not that busybody.

Apparently that attitude is not applied by all the teachers in my school.

A lot of teachers went around to confirm with others whether the news regarding my failure marriage is true or not.

I would really appreciate if it was out of concern, but inquisitiveness?!?! I don't think so!!

They wanted it to be true, I guess, so there will be more dramas in school.

... so they can talk about it over a cuppa tea.

I guess they wanted my marriage to fail as I am the only person in the school who was lucky enough to marry a white guy.

... and lucky enough to marry a jerk.

Desperate housewives aren't annoying until now, so are desperate teachers.

Bitches, mind your own business!

I really hate it when people try to "confirm" such things that aren't in any ways related to them, I am not heartbroken but still unpleasant.

Especially this desperate housewife named.. "Bitch".

Bitch was really surprised to see my form applying for my holidays with the reason stated "divorce procedure". She then went around confirming whether I was going to divorce or not.

Drama, drama, drama, for her!

This morning, when my college asked me a question which when I answered, it indirectly confirmed my ex's status, Ms Bitch turned around in shock looking at me.

In shock, shock because finally she got the answer she longed for, not because she's sorry I am getting a divorce.

She must be as happy as Cinderella's stepsister when the Prince popped the question, they've been secretly having an affair behind Cindy's back.

She might be thinking that I am as lonely as a lonely bitch, but who the fuck cares?!

I don't mind being bitched, but not being desperate-housewifed/teachered.

I hate being on her lips, I hate being on their lips.

The Romance

She said, "if you love me, you will come online at 8 tonight."

He said, "yes, I will do it for you, see you on MSN."

So he logged online at approximately 8pm, only to prove her he loves her.

How sweet, they are only children.

He is Terry.

Terry is my student, cute, sweet and innocent. I have been teaching him English for 2 years now. He is 12 this year and he has a girlfriend named Starrie who is in a different class, whom according to him, is his one true love.

Terry really loves talking to me, he likes gossiping and he tells me every little secret. Whenever there is something juicy, I can always count on him for the information and details.

Like he told me about the two children that kissed in school and was so badly punished.

Like he also told me about the stolen cash who was believed to be stolen by his classmate according to the CCTV.

He is really in love with Starrie.

I remember, some time in March or April, he was a little depressed, he told me he felt that Starrie no longer loved him and might be "cheating on" him.

I wonder what that phrase means to children!!

So I told him he must love her a lot and he must show her how much he loves her every day.

I was being sarcastic, of course, what a bad ass I am.

But apparently they made up, as a month later he became a so-happy-in-love boy again.

From then on, whenever I see him, I will ask him if Starrie is still in love with him.

If she isn't, well, not my problem.

He was so happy one afternoon during my class. When he finished the work I gave him, he started to tell me this "sweet little thing" between him and Starrie.

Apparently, he went to see Starrie in her class during his recess on Saturday.

Her classmates gave him a bar of chocolate, then they asked him to feed her.

So he handed her the bar...

That's not what they wanted, so they asked him to feed her again, but with his mouth.

Terry, being the sweet and innocent type, of course, put the chocolate bar in his mouth without hesitation...

Starrie, not being the sweet and innocent type, bit the bar at the other end without hesitation...

Wow, I was thinking, if that happened when I was a child, I would "at least" pretended to be shy before I bit it.

You know, a "don't want lah" or two wouldn't hurt.

I am sure you would be extremely surprised with Starrie's chocolate-eating speed. Before Terry could have his second or third bite, she finished her half.

Then I asked Terry if he asked Starrie to carry on eating it before their lips met, he said no.

He then claimed he ate the other half of the bar without Starrie's mouth on the other side.

So I made fun of him for "chewing" something with her saliva on it.

Believe it or not but he is REALLY happy to be eating that bit with her saliva on!

He couldn't stop smiling, he told me it was like the best feeling.

Then, I asked him if he had ever kissed Starrie, he's really sweet and innocent, he said no, as he doesn't have a good environment doing so, they only see each other in school.

So I asked if he thought about kissing her, he said yes of course, it's a "very incredibly sweet sweet sweet feeling".

Damn, these kids don't know anything about kisses.

Only one word can be related to your first kiss, not sweet, but "saliva".

I wonder how long these romance will last, but it doesn't matter, as they had already tasted their piece of one sweet love.

Though I don't have much faith, but I wish them the best.

The Sophia Incident

The latest news on everyone's lips in school is about Sophia.

Sophia is my student, I teach her class Moral. She is 12, she is the typical dumb girl, she has crushes on a lot of boys but none likes her back.

According to her friend, Sophia is a real Paris Hilton, filthy rich, likes to throw money at people's face to threaten them and all that blah.

Nobody likes her.

I really can understand.

Even worse, she is very potential when it comes to ass-kissing.

No matter how I look, no matter what I wear, she will always find ways to compliment me.

"Teacher Hu, you look beautiful today!"

"Teacher Hu, your perfume smells nice!"

"Teacher Hu, your skirt is really beautiful!"

"Teacher Hu, you look extremely formal today!"

... blah and blah.

She would suit well to be a teacher as she is a very talented ass-kisser. Oh no no, not that I am saying we teachers are supposed to kiss our boss' ass, but we have to kiss our students' ass. Parents too, if preferred.

"Little boy, you are so smart!"

"Little girl, you are so brave!"

Whatever, I hate ass-kissers, so I hate myself!!

Her classmates claimed that she cheated many many times in some tests, therefore her form teacher had no choice but to move her to the VIP seat.

The VIP seat is a special seat, not located at the centre of the city but the front of the class, right beside the teacher's seat, elegant and nice...

But don't worry, teachers won't spit on you, we are the very gentle kind.

Apparently, it hurt her self-esteem, therefore she took a cutter and gently "cut" the side of her wrist in school.

Listen carefully, "the side of" her wrist, not her wrist.

She is not dumb, she is smart. Therefore people can save her in time and her "suicide attempt" will be fun.

Even if her classmates did not try to save her, she would only lose several drops of blood.

No, I am neither cruel nor heartless, she was not trying to commit suicide, she was only trying to make drama.

When it started bleeding, she raised her arms and shouted in a really fatal way "look at me, I am bleeding!"

What do you think?

Why do you think most children committed suicide?

Of course, it went all the way as she had planned, her friends rushed to inform the form teacher, the form teacher quickly came to look at her.

She was crying so badly, she was hurt by this world so badly, ooh.

I have absolutely no pity for people who don't cherish their own life.

She was only bloody 12, her parents are rich, she does well in her examinations, she has a good life!

Also, I despise those who committed suicide to create dramas!

Her form teacher spoke sarcastically to us, that she must "gives her more love and be more caring towards her."

Wow, really??

Months ago, there were four Indian students in Malaysia, who scored badly in a Malay Language test, they committed suicide together because "they were scared the teacher would scold them".

Yeah, I am sure, they wanted to be rescued in time and then people all around the nation will come to comfort them.

They said in the press, that they did that "for fun".

You watch a movie, listen to music, play games or have sex for fun but you don't "commit suicide" for fun!

I am sure the same things gone through Sophia's mind. Only she is not as brave as the four girls who swallowed their mother's prescription pills, but to slightly cut the side of her wrist.

I feel really hilarious Sophia used this little trick to gain love and attention from people!

I've been through so much worse and I cherished my own life, I never thought of doing that even though my childhood was a total nightmare!

I mean, if my father found out I was gonna commit suicide, he would happily give me a hand on that.

Perhaps he would pass me the latest edition of "The Top 10 Best Ways to Die Quickly" on paperback.

Her classmate, Flora, joked that if she was really serious about cutting her wrist, she would've cut her veins properly.

She also said to me, "who cut their wrist that way??"

Sounds cruel, but we are all angry with people who try to commit suicide to threaten you.

She might be hoping me to show my concern about her the next day, but as I said, I have lost my respect.

So did her classmates, so did her form teacher, so did all the teachers in my school...

The Dramatic Journey

So I was rushing my ass off trying to get an immediate bus to go back home to see my parents.

Rushing like crazy, the first bus company I asked, the bitch was sitting in the counter calling someone, did not even bother to fucking answer me, I left straight away.

The second company I asked is one of the most famous company to travel from Kuala Lumpur to Muar, unfortunately, I will have to wait for 2 hours and a half to get onto the bus.

No way, so I asked the third. It's been the best so far, I only have to wait one hour and a half, WEE!!

Ok, no choice but to go back to that bitch. She talked to me with a really impatient tone, telling me I will have to wait 2 hours!

Fucking bitch, I wanna puke so much thinking about her face still.

So no choice, I guess the third one would be the best option for now. Even better, when I was there, they told me there were some seats available for the bus that's leaving in less than 5 minutes!!

I guess that bitch did do me a good deed.

So I was having so much fun listening to my iPod named Pup-pup, thinking about the dramatic love triangle between me, Alberto and Rafael Nadal. Suddenly, out of nowhere, several loud bangs started.

The bangs were crazy, it looked like some metal is hitting the bottom of the bus, like it was jumping happily, it sounded extremely like a railway ride, close range!!

It scared the crap out of everyone including me sitting at the back of the bus. Everyone excluding me ran as far away as they could from their seat, only me, remained seated calmly, how proud can I be now!

Ok, I was scared, I was shaking. Very unfortunately, I was sitting only A FEET away from the area where the noise came from. To leave my seat, I had to step on that area where the loud bangings came from.

Also, the people around me were so freaked out most empty areas were occupied by them anyway. To leave my seat or not, I will stand no more than 2 feet away.

Besides, to die sitting is more comfortable than to die standing.

So it would be safer and better for me to remain seated. If it exploded, I would cover my face.

If I must die, I will die gracefully!

... and beautifully!

My hand was shaking, everyone was scared. I took out my phone and texted Alberto as quickly as I could.

How romantic am I! I always thought I am more practical!

Yes, if I was really realistic I would've written something like this:
"Dear Alberto, just in case I died, make sure you post my parents all my perfumes in Singapore so I can be buried with them, oh, also buy me the Special Edition Elizabeth Arden Mediterranean and spray it all over me before I get buried, I really love the fragrance. thanks a million. All the best. Mwah xx"

I would've called my parents but I did not want my mum to get worried about me.

So I waited, remain seated, shaking so badly.

All I could think about that time, was my life, not Alberto, not Rafael Nadal, but my life.

It sounded like the bus would explode, it sounded so horribly, and scary!

I thought, I must record this historical moment and perhaps, at least they might find this clip in my phone and I could die famously with the headline "Brave Teacher Remained Calm Recording Sound Clips Before Tragic Accident".

Ok, now I will text my best friend Arwen to demand an adjective: "Chinese".

So I took out my phone and recorded the banging sound, which you will be able to hear at the bottom of this post.

That minute, lasted forever...

What pissed us most, was that the driver did not even stop to check on the bus! He kept on driving for a short range, then the banging was getting heavier, therefore he had no choice but to at least take a look.

10 seconds, he's back on track! Can you believe it?!?!

He drove for a long time, with the banging.

We were really scared, I had my phone in my hand, waiting to call my parents in case anything happened.

The banging continued for over 30 minutes, after awhile, perhaps the bus was getting tired making noises, therefore, it finally stopped.

Everyone was still scared, you never know what would happened.

The journey was dramatic. Not exactly "Hollywood-blockbuster" dramatic but "Malaysian-low-budget-wannabe-big-film" dramatic.

There is a line between life and death, we never know how close we are to death until we're there.

I was lucky, I was not close to death..


Listen to the banging sounds and remember, these sound louder than you think they are...:

The Mutual Friendship and Trust that Had Faded Away

I really did like my boss.

Well, she isn't exactly my main boss but my boss in this exact field where I am her secretary. She had been really really nice to me and stuffs and I trusted her.

She's really kind to give me a lift home whenever I stay school for tuition classes. I helped her to do a lot of work. She thought I was efficient, nice and responsible, therefore, we had really good relationship.

But one day, out of a sudden, the friendship and trust just gone..

It happened about one Tuesday ago. We were supposed to finish the list of story-telling contestants as the competition was on the next day. She passed me the list on Tuesday before I had to attend a meeting, of course, I had to bring home to finish, which I did.

Then on Wednesday, I have class early in the morning since 7:15am, so I had to enter like 7:00am and I could not print it, therefore, I passed her my thumbdrive and asked her to print it out herself as I couldn't do it.

I have a lot of secrets on my thumb drive, you don't want to know what those secrets are. Therefore, when I passed her my thumb drive, I really trusted her: I knew she wouldn't be so tech-savvy to find those secrets I stored.

She was really busy, I told her the location of the three files then I left to my class.

45 minutes later, she was all sweaty in the computer room, I passed by, she just called for me all of a sudden.

She then blasted me for not telling her the location of the files.

Duh, I did!

Worthless to explain, therefore I just proceeded to the computer room to print those documents.

Unsatisfied, she still blasted at me with a very unpleasant tone, I have never heard her talking in a tone like this!

Of course, being blasted the 2nd time for no reason pissed me off big time as well, I was really embarrassed as the other teachers looked at us, big drama!

It was not my fault AT ALL!!

Then I tried to explain, but this time, I explained in a very unpleasant tone as well.

She was still unsatisfied, but at least she stopped blasting me.

WTF, it's not my fault! If it was, I will be responsible!

But it was really obvious, after this little incident, our mutual trust and friendship are gone. She no longer asked me to do the documents and no longer I can asked her for anything as well.

Even worse, she no longer smiles to me.

Like this morning, I asked for the class of a certain participant, she was not very helpful to me. Then I apologised for bothering her, she did not say anything.

Normally, she went, "oh no no, it's not a problem" with a warmth smile.

Perhaps it's just me being too sensitive, but I am really hurt by this.

Really speechless, how can these little incidents affect two people in such mutual relationship?!

I am very disappointed, how vulnerable relationships actually are.. I never came to notice.

... and she was sitting right next to me when I was writing this entry.