The Rental

How much electricity, do a PC and an LCD monitor take up?

So my landlady, whom I've been living with for the past 8 months, walked up to me and asked me that question. Besides, she complained about how expensive the electricity was last month, it was RM90+. Of course, then the bottom line popped up, she asked me for an extra RM20/30.

Wow, that's pretty heavy for me as I am very selfish and I totally mind saving up RM20/30 every month for another person whom I am not related with. So I asked if I shall give her an extra of RM20? She responded, the same old line, "RM20/30". Funny how people always like to "humble" their request when they're taking advantage of you, if you know what I mean, ie, hypothetically, I would say, I'd sleep with you for 100/200 bucks, but we both know how much I am going to charge you; if we go out for dinner together, I say I shall cover 50/60 bucks of it, I basically mean only 50.

Of course, I know she won't allow me to pay her an extra RM20 since she kept interrupting me with the "RM20/30" line. So I asked her to give me an exact amount of how much I shall be paying her. "RM30", she said. Duh!!

So of course, a person as selfish, self-centered and realistic like me will NEVER allow people to bully me. I insisted the housemate to pay part of it too since I think it is unfair I am paying for most of the electric bill. And of course, a person as realistic, egoistic, emotionless like my landlady will NEVER allow me to not pay the amount she wanted.

We argued a little, then the bottom line is, I am home more often than the housemate, I have a PC, wireless, lots of lamps in my room, I use the microwave, washing machine etc etc. Wow, I am speechless.. I must be a pain to live with!

At last, a person as sweet, gentle and understanding like me just CANNOT win someone this realistic, I gave in, really no point arguing while looking at the "you-can-try-but-I've-made-my-decision" look she had for me. I respected her point, but I think it's quite unfair, but what can I do.. Life is about learning to swallow the unfairness, as I always do that, and of course, something else ;)

I don't mean to go all Malaysian and Hokkien in my writing, but.. she completely put me off my hay piah mood!!

The Robe Room

I remember, that night, one very wild night...

He moved away from my body, went to another room, listened to a track.

"The Garden Is Becoming a Robe Room", he said, he would only dedicate that song to me one day, that one very day, only if he stopped loving me, which we would never think in the past, that this day will ever arrive.

Yes, we had a garden, one very big garden, it was beautiful, it was colourful. There were flowers growing, you would never think those flowers would wither one day..

I remember, on that very wild night, when he listened to this track, it broke my heart, of course, the pain was nothing back then.

It's a beautiful track, I never came to appreciate it until tonight.. and here I am, dedicating this to him.

The Prisoner

She is having her dull days, simply because of him..

Instead of communications, he chose separation. She was forced to move out. He said her love suffocates her but she thinks his love doesn't provide her enough air.

He encouraged her, but later then he rejected her. She doesn't understand why he could share a brilliant moment with someone else before but totally denied her.

At night, she thought of the broken promises he made, they're nothing but words..

If he was to die now, he would neither call her or his boss, he would dial to his father.

If she was to die now, she would give him a last call to tell him how much she loves him, even though she knows he is always unavailable for calls..

His mind is her prison...

"I asked you to please think of, what I've done to you.." (Lene Marlin- Maybe I'll go)

The Starter

I have never been a fan of blogging, simply because I've read too many stupid blogs before. At this very lonely and painful night, I created my very first entry.

When I look back in the future I will always remember what this man is putting me through at the moment, grief, I've always been a coward for men. Behind this strong personality, maybe I am fragile..

I've cried so hard everyday, feeling pain but there's nothing to heal me. To have a home that doesn't welcome me at all, "I guess so's" instead of "of course's" is tearing me apart. Maybe it's destined that I would always have a home which I can't go back to..

When will these end? I am tired of boundaries and walls..

"Hurt inside, no scars to show.." (Lene Marlin- "Story")