The Ecstatic Barneys

Kuala Lumpur is so flooded with idiots lately.

I know, I enjoy calling people idiots a lot but I really do mean it this time.

If you feel bored and want to fool someone stupid when they try to hoax you, you should really take a walk down Kuala Lumpur, try Chinatown.

Every Friday when I go there waiting for my bus to take me back to the arms of my lovely daddy and mummy, god wants me to bump into these group of idiots.

They walk around holding a little pile of perhaps, cards, kinda follow you around for awhile, claiming they are from a very big company giving out prizes to lucky people.

Hmm, interesting, I was once a grand prize winner.

I still remember when I was walking towards the monorail of Bukit Bintang one day, some idiot came to me, out of nowhere, out of the blue, handed me a piece of cards/brochure/paper-like thingy, wanted me to take one to support their promotion.

It was so out of nowhere, my mind went blank, you know, just like it did when you saw your future ex-boyfriend for the very first time.

So my fate was in his palm, apparently I took a card before I realised it.

Now one more guy whom I would call Mr Douchebag walked towards me, waiting impatiently trying to see what was inside the paper.

It was like time completely stopped, we all completely stopped breathing.

... and before my gigantic-sized brain could start functioning, they started jumping up and down, just like Barney the dinosaur.

Shhh, silly monkeys, now we don't need any unwanted attention do we?

They were so ecstatic you actually thought they were on excessive viagra and they were waaayyyy pass the oh-I-am-so-hard point.

Suddenly, I AM the grand prize winner! *gasp* Oh my god, I knew I am "doomed" to be lucky!

Watching the two orange Barneys jumping up and down (hmm, not purple, not this time), I think it's a big shame they don't participate in Olympics.

They showed me a menu and told me I should really rush to their centre now, which is nowhere out of nowhere. Of course, my car is not with me so I really can't go.

Then they told me how this is my once-in-a-lifetime chance, yeah, I think I heard that before.

The grand prize was over RM5000 for sure so I'd be the biggest fool not being in a taxi heading towards heaven right now, heaven where my 72 virgins were waiting for me.

Nahh, not a big fan of virgins.

Ok, first of all and seriously, taking a taxi to that place, the fucking lucky taxi driver will probably rip me more than 5k, so I don't think the taxi option is that tempting.

Second of all, their prizes were like, a trip to I-don't-know-where-oh-was-it-Zimbabwe, a fridge, a Vaio, a Honda, a telly, a boombox, or whatever, things I don't really need, I don't really want and I don't really care.

Hmm, just when I thought I was too lucky to be true, Mr Douchebag asked me to draw another card out of his pile to prove that all their cards are not the same.

Ok, I won a pen this time, I guess we don't win grand prizes twice in a day.

I was a little bit too kind and innocent to believe the guys were fake, plus I really didn't want and couldn't go to that place so I handed him my grand prize card and told him he could have mine.

You know how Buddha taught us to share stuffs and give love to others, especially the retarded ones.

Kinda surprised with my reaction, they asked me to sign the card, saying they will get money for people signing.

Oh wow, I feel like Britney!

Yeah whatever, thankfully they let me go and went to find their next targets.

This thing completely slipped my mind until I met the similar excessive-viagra-taking Barneys in Chinatown, again, doing their Barney charm.

I am telling you, you have never seen a guy this ecstatic your whole life and you never will until you meet these guys!

This company sure knows how to hire people who can jump!

Apparently, people living in KL are winning grand prizes worth more than 5k every day, I guess god really does exist and we are all really that lucky.

I would really love to play that game again, I guess it's my chance to strike again after 6 months.

Are you bored? Well, take a walk down Chinatown with me then.