The Showdown Between God and Men

Don't get me wrong, I do love Jesus, as much as I love dogs.

In the same "eww-don't-talk-nor-touch-me-you're-so-full-of-germs-and-contagious" kind of way.

They all belong in the category which has a big shiny and dashy label in front written "I don't care".

But lately, I've sadly discovered that dogs are starting to hold a place in my heart, all thanks to the influence of Alberto. Therefore, I can no longer compared dogs to Jesus.

Yes, I am the typical type of person who doesn't care about anything except myself, my computer, my belongings and those people I love around me. Jesus and religion just happened to be in the same category, you truly cannot blame me for it or to hold it against me.

But he did, once again, caught my attention since my sister abandoned Buddha.

Once upon a time, I did believe in Jesus because of a shocking discovery, which I don't mind telling you because it only takes a second.

I shockingly discovered, gasp, that usually, when I prayed to Jesus, my wishes were more likely to come true!!

I guess Jesus works in mysterious ways. I know mockery is my nature and I basically make fun of everything including Phil Collins, but I really do mean it when I say this and I also do mean it when I said I love Jesus' naturally curly hair.

I remembered, my only wish when I was little was for my mum to allow me to have long hair. But everytime when I prayed to Buddha, guess what, the next day my mum took me for a lame haircut.

So one day, I thought, hey, why don't I pray to Jesus for a change, and it just happened, that same night, or the night after, or the night after the night after, my mum said to me, "My darling daughter, I thought about it and you can have your long hair."

My mouth was ostrich-egg fitable, I started to look at Jesus with a whole new perspective.

Ok, I am no Christian therefore I guess my wish took awhile to come true, but I believed it's normal.

So not wanting to burden Jesus, I somehow prayed to Buddha as well if I didn't mind those wishes not coming true and seeked Jesus only when I was desperate. The more I prayed the more I found out, my wishes were more likely to double their chance to come true with Jesus, what were the odds!!

I also did pray to a certain god to test its reliance, I have to be discreet and keep its identity a secret but I guess since I am not a big fan of virgins, that god decided to neglect and ignore me. Smart move, just like Buddha.

I remember when I was 18, I suddenly have the urge to become a Christian. I don't know why, it just somehow striked me, the world could be a better place with love... Yes, plus the fact that Jesus granted a lot of my wishes, imagine what would happen if I become his follower!

The idea danced in my head for less than 2 weeks, then I decided I don't really care about anything therefore I can't be bothered.

Unlike my beloved-a-little-only sister... If only she's smart enough like me to know what to and what not to follow. Sigh, I can no longer bitch about Jesus in front of her, how sad, but of course, it's not like I am really gonna stop bitching if somehow she tried to "love" me in her very own unique Christian way.

I have a lot of friends who are Christians and I truly respect their faith and I never make fun of their god or whatever (only behind them), as long as they don't try to shove Jesus down my throat.

The thing with religious people, which also applies to people who believe in Buddha (or other god), when they love their god to a certain amount, they predictably decided to promote it and let the whole world know how amazing god's love is.

Do you use Facebook? Then I guess you feel the same when you see one girl leaving a love note on her boyfriend's wall and the two decided to mwah or wall-fuck each other openly in front of the monitor, it's the same theory. When you love someone to a certain amount, you want the world to know. But when you love someone to the bigger and greater amount, you want the world to share the love with you.

So, when my sister met boy A and romance kinda bloomed, boy A decided to tell her his one and only love is god and it's a very pleasant and happy thing to have god in your life.

My sister listened while god teamed up with Jesus to work their magic on her head. One day she woke up and decided to embrace the duo.

She thought, oh, I have to let the world know how amazing Jesus is and they all should love him the same as I do. Her world is so much brighter and meaningful because for once in her life, she is actually happy.

This is why she decided to run into the open arms of Jesus, Mr Buddha never made her smile like this.

So, she started joining a lot of Jesus related groups and also a group who does nothing except to read bibles during their free time.

Then, she also decided to let Jesus or god make their special appearance at least twice in every of her blog post.

... and how she wishes those bad people will be forgiven by god and how she hopes god will still love them.

... and seriously, how only god can wash away all her sins.

There is so much love, her blog suddenly becomes more noble than everyone else's.

I can tell how obsessed she is because she uses the Mandarin personal pronounce which you only use for god.

Like I said, something always happens when people decided to embrace something new, especially religion, nothing can be this predictably predictable.

You see, if one person liked "Jesus", "god", "lord" or quoted something in the bible or listed "bible" as their favourite book on their info tab on facebook, that person is truly Christian. In that case, you better make sure you don't pique their needs or urges to tell you to love and embrace god.

Wait a min, "Bible" as the favourite book??? Really?? I mean, this is like listing "5th Grade English Textbook" as my favourite book, ever!

I have nothing against Jesus and this is so not personal so don't get me wrong. I have a friend who decided to abandon Jesus and embrace Buddha, I made fun of Buddha the same way though I consider myself a Buddhist in a humble way, I just couldn't bear the thought of Buddha being in my throat while she forced me to swallow all the religious shit.

This is also why I am so sick of religious people, they not only forced you to swallow something they love, they have to "love" you when you swallow their "love" because "love" is the answer to everything.

There is so much love, so much love it makes me sick!

I mean, I love my computer more than anything else in this world too but how would you like it if I asked you to swallow it because my computer is meant to be loved by everyone in this world??

I am so bad today because my parents wanted so bad for me to be good. I make fun of religion so much today because practically, religious people feel the need to push people, people like me into loving god.

I know, why can't I just understand how meaningful religions are. Of course I cannot understand because I've got better things to do.

Do you remember those people who died in 9/11? They all died in the name of religion. I could give you more examples like Anne Frank but people, stop telling me religion only brings good things to the world.

Oh sorry, should've warned you in the beginning that this was truly offensive. But hey, you knew I wouldn't write anything good about god anyway.