The Real Age

Will those who know my real age please stand up?

People have real problems guessing my real age, I was born in 1984, the year of rat which makes me 24 this year but because of the way I talk, dress up maturely and dated several mature guys, people actually think that I was 24 six years ago.

Which means, the usual age people think is my real age plus 6, so that makes me about 30 this year.

Try using this formula, "n+6".

I looked at girls around me, they like pinky girly stuffs so much and they go "EEEEEEE, it is SOOOOOOOOO cute!" whenever it's appropriate so people think they are SO cute (bleh).

We all know, when people think you're cute, you never age.

Like Alberto, look at him with a baby face, people actually think he is younger than me!

I should buy more pink stuffs!

Look at my clothes, black dresses, black shirts, black underwear, white shoes (ok, that's the only thing I wear which is not black).

I should change them all to pink, it's always a pleasure to become the Pink Panther, you could striptease with the music just like the Pussy-cat Dolls (you know perfectly why I dashed the word "pussycat").

Then your age can go the dual way: when you striptease, you are more mature and when you don't striptease, you are younger.

The 3 questions a student like most to ask a teacher is:
1. How old are you?
2. When is your birthday?
3. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

But somebody as mean as me will never tell them the real answer, ie. if possible, I will answer the 3rd question with one word "homosexual". But I can't because if I did, I will most probably be arrested for "encouraging homosexuality among the children".

Yes I know, I am popular for corrupting people, but that's really not my fault!

Also I know, I am full of shit, if my students ask me who Alberto is, I will tell them he is my very noble father.

So, every class I have taught (50 students each class) asked me about my age. I normally tell them I am 55 and the reason I don't age is because I use very good skin products.

A lot, every day, 24/7.

If they keep asking, I will recommend them some really good skin products for their mothers. Which is totally unreliable because I use none.

If they won't stop still I will tell them I am actually 2197 years old, the reason I don't age is simple, that's because I turned into a vampire 2171 years ago.

Then I will ask them to keep that secret to themselves because I cannot bear people finding out the truth.

Of course, everyone knows I am full of shit so no one believes me, so my usual reaction is to open my eyes as wide as possible and pretend to be really innocent and say "really!" with a really sad and hurt face.

I am good faking, you should know that by now.

My colleague once told my students I was 26 last year, what a bitch, the students came to me and sang the "la-la-we-know-your-age" song, but the bloody age was totally wrong and they didn't believe me!

They so need to know that Teacher Hu does tell the truth sometimes!

That's like 3 years older than my real age!

My god, she is really bitchy, for your information, the only time Chinese people add 3 years to their real age is only when they die!!

So the next day I seeked the colleague and asked if she knew my age, she told me yes, she knew that I am a year younger than her which was correct, bitch!

There were two students chatting with me in the field during their sports lesson last year, they were having a lot of fun guessing my age, A student guessed "23?".

I was going to deny like I always do, but before I said anything, B student turned to her and scolded her badly by saying "How is it possible!"

Then she gave her a loser-you-can't-guess-age-correctly look, then turned to me and asked "28?" What a potential bitch!!

Yes, A student cannot guess age correctly, that's not the usual number people would go for.

I get kinda hurt few days ago when I told my students again that I am 55 and they asked me in an innocent way, "Miss Hu, you are only in your 30s, why do you have to lie to us?"

FAINT!

I AM NOT EVEN BLOODY 25!!

I'll never forget, when I was 18 and 19 in my college, I enjoyed asking people to guess my age because they always guessed between 25-28.

It's fun to tell them I was 19 and watched the surprised, shocked and "what's-your-secret" look on their face.

Then when I was transfered to this school that I am teaching right now, the teachers here claimed that "Giselle Hu is not as young as she looks" behind my back.

Bitches!! I AM younger than I look!!

The news actually went on for over a year and a half.

Until last Saturday!

When I was in the team building, my colleague found out I am 24 and she started to spread the news around, I actually had to show somebody my identity card to prove my innocence!!

I don't do that usually, I never cared, but I wanted to revenge that "ooh-don't-lie-you-do-look-old" look!

So how old do you think I look like? If you guess 24 or younger, you're not very bright ;)